Back to work dilemma

[Wotuser]

So I’m currently 22 weeks pregnant with first baby, working full time and until recently was planning to take a year of maternity leave starting at 35 weeks.

DH self employed with a fairly reliable but not guaranteed income which we can live off for a year with some cut backs on luxuries, holidays etc.

An opportunity has come up at work that would mean going back when baby will be around 3 months old, working 5 mornings a week (varying between 2 and 4 hours) and earning approx 2/3-3/4 of my current full time salary. No family in the area so baby would have to go into childcare and I guess I would pay for half days and collect early when I can.

I’m considering this roll as it seems to offer the opportunity to earn a decent salary without DC spending long days in childcare (common in my profession). The extra money would make life much more comfortable and also take the pressure off during times when DH’s work goes through a dry spell etc.

I’m not sure what exactly I’m asking here, I suppose I’m looking for thoughts from parents who’ve used childcare from an early age, feasibility of breastfeeding, childminder vs nursery vs part time nanny etc. I realise I won’t know how I’m going to feel about leaving this baby until I’ve actually had him/her but I suppose I’m trying to decide whether I’m likely to feel happy doing this.

TIA

Had my two in America so only had 12 weeks off with my first & 16 with my second. I expressed milk so they were still solely breastfed for 6 mo. I went back full time both times, it was hard but it is doable. Make sure you use bottle a bit here & there to be sure baby can take it from other people. And if breast feeding isn't for you then formula would work out fine. If it works for you go for it!

3 months is soon but honestly I’d jump at it for those hours and that wage

What happens if you say yes now & change mind later? I think you can only plan what seems like it will work & no one will force you later to do this plan if it doesn't feel right later.

It's a really difficult decision to make. Two of my children were very very easy at that age slept 7-7 and were generally very content. The other was not, woke several times in the night and screamed the rest of the time. We went back a bit earlier then and even at 6 months I felt constantly drained and I honestly was not clinical competent.

The other things to consider is the childcare aspect; check what the nursery morning slots are, it may be that with commuting time that you can't fit the baby into the available slots and you end up paying for a whole day. You may also not be able to find a childminder willing to only do half a day as they are usually only allowed to have 1 baby at a time.

As most women do go back much later there are very few babies of 3 months in a nursery setting and you may find that they are just sitting in a bouncer being prodded by the more mobile older children!

A nanny is probably a better option for a small baby, but again you need to think of finances and availability. A nanny won't want to work for just 2 hours a day. Again it may not be economically viable by the time you've factored in their wages, taxes, NI, pensions and also your commuting costs.

I'm not an employment expert but can they make you come back from maternity early? I know a few people that have got new roles in our large organisation whilst on mat leave and they were held until they got back? You could call ACAS or Maternity Action to get some advice?

Re: leaving a 3 month old, I really wouldn't want to (and I'm no earth mother). I had a full year off with my son and you'll never get that time back. I can understand some debate between 9 and 12 months off, but 3 months is far too early. Aside from attachment with your baby, don't underestimate how exhausted you will be having a baby and built up sleep deprivation at that point.

Those hours at that salary is amazing.

Grab it.

I went back FT when DS was 16 weeks. TBH I found it a lot easier than a lot of people I know who had longer off as DH and I hadn't got into a routine of me doing everything with ds. DS settled into nursery like a dream
Doing 2-4 hours a day at that proportion of your salary sounds like an opportunity not to be missed.

And ds only had breastmilk till 6 months, and I fed him till he was 2, so with your hours there would be no reason at all to not bf. DS was described by HV etc as incredibly well attached.

I think having a long term job with those hours would be very beneficial, and more so than being off in the first year then back FT

I went back after 6 months, but mornings only - I just paid for morning slots at nursery.

DS was absolutely fine, we never had problems with separation anxiety, and we had a lot of fun in the afternoons.

For that money, I'd bite their hand off

It sounds like a great opportunity and the best of both worlds. However, I probably wouldn't put DC in nursery at that age as it's very young compared to the average age of the other kids. A childminder would probably be a better option, at least until say 1 year old.

Sounds a great opportunity, I’d definitely take it. But you must have a feeding plan from day 1 of your DC being born. BF is possible but it is vital that you also pump and breast milk bottle feed from birth. This will mean that a nursery or childminder will be able to feed your 3 month old easily. If you BF exclusively you may find your DC refuses to take a bottle at 3 months and you’ll be stressed about returning to work.
I did something similar and it worked well for me.

It sounds amazing and I would grab it with both hands if you can definitely make it work. But. You cant underestimate how strongly you might feel at the time that you just don't want to leave your baby.

At 3 months you could possibly be barely getting any sleep, breastfeeding around the clock of you choose to breastfeed and taking hours to just be able to leave the house.

I would think really carefully about any decisions you make and whether you can back out at the time if you don't feel you can commit.

I'd go for it! You might be sacrificing a bit of time with your newborn but you're gaining so much more across their early years.
I would be very clear with your employers about what hours you are willing to do though. You don't want to fall into the trap of agreeing to 2/4 hours a day and having them turn into 5/6 hour days because so and so needs you to do this or that.

Thank you all so much for the thoughts and advice, it really helps to get different points of view. I’m currently leaning towards taking the offer (they’re not making me come back early at all, it’s just an opening that will be coming up around that time).

You will lose some time now, but gain it back over the following years. For a baby that small I'd go for a nanny if you can afford it, or a childminder. Visit a few to see what suits you.

I've had lots of bf babies at 3 months it works fine if you get used to expressing. (I'm a childminder) the hours are fine as it allows for an extra after school so wouldn't be a problem.
If its easing a financial problem and giving you more time in the long run I'd go for it.

Those are great hours and will give you the best scenario for carrying on breastfeeding as they will be short spells in childcare each day rather than full days.

In your shoes I would jump at the with both hands. I went back when eldest was 5 months working 10-2 everyday. It was a really great balance. When my employer later changed me to 3 full days I hated it.