Choosing between applicants on AuPairWorld

[Londonwriter]

We're recruiting for an au pair for the first time.

I've had nearly 20 applications in 24 hours, and am having problems sifting them. Most of the applicants seem perfectly pleasant and have some childcare experience, but - possibly due to the language barrier - I'm getting a lot of vague/waffly answers to my five or so specific screening questions.

I'm not really getting any sense of the applicants at all. I don't know whether that's a reason to 'ding' them - most of them seem pleasant enough, ordinary and quite young.

Any advice?

A Skype chat can be helpful.

I didn't want to Skype chat everyone, especially as my DH and mum is going to need to be involved in recruiting :(

I assumed I'd sift down to four or five applicants, and then Skype interview them. However, it feels there's one obviously strong applicant (guy who seems to want cheap accommodation in London for a few months while he looks for a PhD place) and a lot of vague-sounding ones.

I'd like more of a choice than PhD guy, although he obviously likes kids and seems to have a fair bit in common with us.

Maybe it's the questions you've asked? What are they?

What was it about our profile that attracted you?

What do you think is the most difficult part of being an au pair? And how could we make it easier?

How would your best friend describe you?

[You mention working several times looking after children. Could you tell me more about this?] Or, depending on profile, what experience do you have looking after children?

If you were asked to entertain DS for two hours during the day, what would you do with him?

Have you ever been around a mother with a young baby before? And, if so, how much?

[For context, I am looking for someone to support my elderly mum looking after DS #1 while I ramp up my work after having DS #2].

Do you need a driver Op? If so insurance is difficult unless they’re over 22.
Are they all EU or from Australia/New Zealand/Canada it’s difficult/impossible for other nationalities to au pair in the UK.,
Less than a six month stay isn’t worthwhile for us either, they take 6 months at least to settle and then are winding down the last couple of weeks.

We also discount anyone who is:
Obese
Mentions a boyfriend in their profile
Has basic English
Is a fussy eater or has lots of allergies/intolerances.

I find those quite odd questions, especially for 2nd language speakers, so not surprising you are getting waffly answers!

First maybe decide what is really important to you, and then use that to screen?
So maybe level of childcare experience, what their plans are during/after au pairing, how long they will commit for, do they have hobbies or intend to take language classes (so they will get out of the house and meet other au pairs!), can they drive/swim/cook etc.

I don’t need a driver. Most are Spanish/Italian. I’ve had a few in Latin America and Africa - sounds like that’s going to be impossible for Visa reasons.

We are looking for six months maximum. No one is obese, mentions a BF or is a fussier eater than us. We are getting lots of beautiful, ordinary-sounding people who are a bit vague (in their own language too, in many cases). Non-perfect English isn’t an issue for me provided they speak Spanish/Italian as I have enough of both languages to get by on holiday and am keen to improve my language skills too (maybe this is naive).

As we need a helper for the family, fit is very important. As such, I wrote a detailed profile with enough of our quirks to put people off. TBH, it seems to have had the opposite effect - I’ve had comments along the lines that we seem a loving, warm and sincere family.

It’s possible the vague answers were largely one bloke who planned to ask my three-year-old DS what he wanted to do and do that (answer: “want iPad, Octonauts and ICE CREAM!” - so not a good idea to do what he asks)! I wasn’t sure if it was an English language problem or he had no clue how to entertain a three year old, and I should ding him. He was equally non-specific about his childcare experience. It’s not I expect someone to sole charge, but it would be nice for them to be able to suggest/improvise activities. If you’ve hung around kids before, this should be instinctive - even my nanny’s eight-year-old DS can do better than ask mine for suggestions!!

Just for background, I’m self-employed and didn’t really stop working to have DS#1. I worked up to the birth, worked out my KIT days within ~2.5-3 months, and then ramped up slowly to full time as I had no maternity pay. My mum, who lives with us part-time, provided live-in childcare while this happened. I’m now due to have DS#2, our part-time nanny is keen to leave to get a full-time job, and my mum feels too frail to be able to look after DS#1 & 2. So I hoped to recruit a helper to give her a break and do the stuff she can’t, e.g. take DS#1 swimming, play football, get jumped on, etc. It’s obviously a less skilled and more flexible role than our nanny, and doesn’t need regular/fixed hours, so thought an au pair would be ideal.

I would say you need someone who is EU.
Pretty good English in order to communicate with a 3 year old and be able to call an ambulance etc
Significant experience with under 5s - I would discount those who only have experience volunteering at summer camps with older children. You want someone who has much younger siblings, has done a few weeks of work experience in a nursery, or regular daytime babysitting gig with a pre-schooler. Check they are happy to provide a referee.
My personal preference is for as young as possible, 18-22 year olds, as I have found they more easily fit into your family and it is much easier to manage them as they are used to adults telling them what to do. Much more comfortable to tell a 18 year old they need to tidy their room or shower every day than a 28 year old.
If you want someone who will take your child swimming and play football, then definitely ask about that - how well can they swim, would they be comfortable taking a child swimming, what sports do they play.

I would really screen by them having plans and activities too - doesn't matter what it is, but look for a firm interest in something - taking classes, playing a sport, very involved in their church community at home, scouting. You don't want a bored, lonely au pair getting under your feet at home all day.

It is pretty unlikely an Italian or Spanish person wants to come here to help you practice your language skills - they want to come to perfect their English to get on to University courses or improve job prospects.

Gleam - thanks for the advice :)

I'm already screening for most of those things. The problem is that 90% of my applicants have vague profiles and, when questioned, are vague. Not sure whether they're all rubbish or whether it is language.

So their profile - at best - says they have a much younger sibling, they've cared for young cousins, or they've babysat for a 1-year-old, but - when questioned - they're vague about the specifics. There's a massive difference between teaching 45 minutes of dance to a group of three year olds (plus parents), sitting in someone's house reading a book while their three year old sleeps, and actually developing a positive one-to-one relationship with a three year old.

Not sure how to get around that without sounding like the email version of Jeremy Paxman...

And it isn't that I want someone to come to the UK to teach me Spanish (!!). It's more that some families on Mumsnet have excellent English as a criteria and prefer German/Swiss au pairs as a result. Although I don't want a tragi-comedy 'we have no way of communicating' situation, I don't mind slightly dodgy English as I can try to talk to them in Spanish/Italian and it helps me practice my language skills.

says they have a much younger sibling, they've cared for young cousins, or they've babysat for a 1-year-old,
So ask - how often did you babysit? What hours did you look after them? What did you do with them? Did you take them out of the house/cook for them/put them to bed? Can I email their parents to get a reference?

If the answer is vague - or if it transpires that they once 'looked after' some cousins at a family wedding or the 1 year old is always in bed - screen them out.

I would wait more than 24 hours to start sifting through candidates. The flood of candidates will dwindle but you might start to get some better ones over the next week or so. If none of them stand out to you now, don't assume you have to pick the best of a bad lot. I would screen for: has had some kind of real job before, and has some meaningful childcare experience, especially with infants if your child is very young or you expect another baby (if so, what did that involve - have they changed nappies, fed a baby, etc). I also ask them about what they do at home to help around the house, and what they think it will be like being an au pair - get an idea of what their expectations are (e.g. if they think it is just playing with the children all the time, that's not going to be a fit for me as I need help around the house as well). If any food prep will be involved, try to get an idea of that - what sorts of meals/dishes are they accustomed to making. Sometimes they just tell you what you want to hear, so it's tricky but try to get some concrete answers. Good luck!

We've had one au pair from a Germanic background with excellent English, and one from spain who didn't. We'd naively thought the latter would be OK. It really wasn't.

We couldn't even have a sensible conversation with her without resorting to Google translate and it was really hard work- after I'd come home from a long day it meant being home was not a relaxing wind down experience. She was also much more highly strung than our Germanic so pair, with a terrible work ethic. She huffed and sighed at EVERYTHING and really didn't seem to grasp that she was here to help us out and not just for a holiday. The sounds of her huffing became part if the background noice of the house.... that may be a personality thing as much as a cultural thing, but I wouldn't get a Spanish girl again after that experience!!

The language barrier with the kids was also problematic- they didn't understand each other which made it much harder to resolve arguments (as in, arguments between the au pair and kids- she didn't have enough English to cope with negotiations if the didn't immediately obey her- she just barked then same instruction but louder).

Dealing with problems (like trying to explain the concept of picking battles) was hard because she didn't understand.

Because her English wasn't great she also spent a lot of time hanging around with other Spanish au pairs, and she obviously found communication at home hard too- she ended up spending a lot of time in her room in the evenings, skyping/speaking Spanish to other people so her English didn't improve that much either.

It was a real lesson learned for us- we thought we were pretty laid back and it would all work out, but excellent English will be a key requirement next time.

Gleam - huge thanks. I've asked detailed childcare questions as quick screening tools and ranked the applicants by location/quality of profile/application as they come in.

This is speeding things up a lot! :)

Marzipanet - you're right. I'm getting better at distinguishing vague/dubious applications.

I've had some people writing me an essay in response to my questions, and - in some cases - demonstrating they'd really thought about why they were applying to us specifically.

We have what appears to be a standout/strong candidate, but no idea if we'll actually gel once we get onto a Skype call. At the moment, I probably have four or five good candidates, and 10 or so mediocre ones.

Have you asked them about:

• any days they need to return home for holiday? Could you cope with them being away or do you need an au pair who is available for the full six months
• what do they normally eat? I've ruled out au pairs before who say they live on a diet of salmon or they are vegan
• what do they plan to do with their time here? If they want to enrol in the local language school does the school timetable conflict with the hours you need them for?

If you shortlist down to 3-4 then Skype with those

It's good to hear there seems to be a choice right now. At certain times of the year there are more families than au pairs looking