DC10 hates after school club (crying tonight about it) WWYD?

[Sammyp235]

I’ve got 2 DC’s and neither of them enjoy ASC. Today DC was crying that she didn’t like it. She says the staff aren’t very nice (I’ve seen this for myself the way the talk to some children, I often think, if that’s how they are when parents are around, I’m not confident they’ll be over friendly when there’s no parents about).

It’s mainly their ‘moany’ attitude that gets on my nerves. I get the impression they don’t really want to be there and they are doing the parents a favour! 🙄 Just to point out it’s totally paid for and it’s not cheap.

My DC child says she’s bored (there’s no one her age there) and she feels hard done by that she has to tidy up despite not playing with anything.

I feel awful that she’s been crying about it but I’ve got to go to work. My youngest hates it too. Of course I feel terrible, but I can’t not go to work and I try to keep it to a minimum. Some weeks they don’t go but usually once/twice a week on average until 5.45

They never go to breakfast clubs (never have) and never go to holiday club anymore- I make sure I’m off.

I’ve told DC that they won’t have to go much more as they’ll be at secondary school etc..

I feel terrible that they have to go somewhere that they hate, although I do think that crying about it because she’s bored and has to tidy up is a bit OTT. I tried to explain that if I don’t work she won’t be able to have the nice things that she gets etc, but you know when you feel bad?? I’m thinking of getting a childminder?

Anyone been through this? WWYD? Advice welcome.

i think i would stay with the tactic of pointing out that she doesn't have long left, since she will be going to secondary soon. are they allowed to bring things with them (eg: a colouring book, cards, craft kit)? they could take something small in their bag of their choosing from home which might stop the boredom aspect, especially since she will know in advance that she has something to do

Is it just you, OP, or do you have a partner around?

Obvious question is what other viable options are there? A childminder would offer quite a different environment which sounds like it may suit.

Is breakfast club run by the same people? If it’s a bit different would it be an option to use that occasionally and start work earlier and so be able to do the pick up at the other end? Realise it may not be timing or flexibility wise.

Would she be able to come home alone? My DC10 (very sensible) does.

My ds is the same age and I have the same issue. I’ve found someone through the local Facebook page to mind him sometimes. My neighbour other times. I only have an issue 5/6 days a month though. He detested it. I too work hard to avoid holiday club. 20 months and he will be in secondary school. I might give him a key last term if primary 7.

Can the 10 year old walk home?

We had this.
I tried to get it down to once a week using playdates etc. I then said she had to suck it up unfortunately, as we all have to do things we dislike. She took a book and by Feb half term I let her go home on her own (good practice for secondary school).
Two kids is harder- I would consider alternatives, yes.

Thanks for replies ladies. Yeah she could walk home easily but neither me or her dad would be home until about 5.30. I do trust her and she is sensible but I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone for that long. She’ll be 11 next week.

The breakfast club is run by the same people. I honestly think they should leave as their attitude is just not great. I know another parent was going to complain about it. Unfortunately I sometimes need to stay later and there’s no way round it.

Nothing like guilt of a parent. X

Look for a childminder or a nanny. I hated after school club as a cjild too.

Is her Dad able to adjust hours at all? On the basis that it’s only a few months until secondary hits?

You've seen stuff you dont like, your kids are in tears no brainer look elsewhere a childminder is an option.

If they’re older primary is there a teen nearby who would sit in your house and do their homework for a few quid while your kids watched tv/read/do homework.

See if any childminders pick up from your school.

Have you looked at other options? You seem very passive about it all I'd be livid!

Other options if you look properly will include:

Other asc in the area it's rare there's only the ones attached to the schools I'm in a very small county and there's still at least 3 asc I know of outside of the school based one

childminders

a nanny - yes they generally work with younger children but some also work with older

a teenage/young adult babysitter. something I did for extra cash as a teen was "helping with homework" in this type of set up

I'd certainly not be sending them back to the current place and I'd be telling school exactly why.

Thanks for the replies ladies. I’m going to have to change my work hours and if that means I lose hours then so be it.

I can’t have them feeling like that.

@Graphista

I am livid, it’s very frustrating but I feel over a barrel as I’ve looked at the options all you lovely MN have advised but sadly can’t find any in this area.

I’d be asking the ASC what activities there are putting on each week. There should be a structure in place for all age groups. Mine did breakfast club, ASC and holiday clubs and loved them - complained if they were collected early. In the ASC they did sports, science experiments, crafts, watched films and cookery.

Local student or sixth former? One of mine hated after school club (and I didn't rate the leaders either) so I had a number of local sixth formers. Sometimes they finished early enough to pick kids up from school.

My Y6 daughter comes home and entertains herself until I get home at around 5pm. She’s sensible and has a phone in case of emergencies.

I would find a childminder who could collect them, take them home and supervise homework / activities.

If the ASC is school-based then I would be having word with the governors - it sounds as though it is not being properly monitored. A good start by the governors would be a feedback questionnaire to parents and children. This is something that they are encouraged to do.

It sounds as though you are not alone in your concerns.

I think that you are right to be looking at reducing your hour, in the absence of alternative after school care. The fact that she is in tears, and that you have witnessed unacceptable attitudes from the staff would make me unwilling to just have her "suck it up."

I think they should be able to get home by themselves at that age. I think your daughter would be beyond happy if you have her that option and have her the trust.

My children, by year 6, were comfortably walking home alone. There's no way either would have wanted to attend asc by that age. Theyd be home for around an hour before I got home and could make themselves something to eat if they couldn't wait until dinner.
There's really not a lot of difference in maturity between now and September next year when no child will go to asc

Any secondary schools or colleges nearby? Find a student 16+ to meet them at your house and supervise for up to hours?

Once or twice a week isn't too bad, but it sounds like they have good reason to hate it.

My older 2 absolutely hated asc and I felt awful. Sometimes they would cry when I picked them up because they'd just been holding themselves together until I got there. I completely changed my working pattern for a bit while I got organised and they now go to a CM instead. They're so much happier with the CM - they can relax and just watch TV, have a snack and drink when they want and don't have to mix with lots of other children that they maybe don't know so well.

I would look into other options if I were you.

Could you do a deal with her that she stays until the hour changes in March so it is lighter and then she can start going home by herself, which is presumably the plan for secondary school. It might give her and you some confidence if she has started doing it in primary when it is probably closer and other familiar parents probably around for some of the journey. Maybe start now with leaving her for increasing time periods and she is the one with the keys to unlock the door every time you get home.