Struggling as an Au Pair

[LilyFleming]

Hi all,

I was hoping I could get some advice from parents who have had au pairs themselves. I am currently Au Pairing for three young children and often feel as though I am not doing the job well enough, I feel as though this is completely down to my faults but friends who are also au pairs tell me that I am expected to do too much. I wake up very early to get the three children ready, including a baby. There are always things to remember for each child, for example specific creams for one child, then eye drops for another, important forms i have to remind the family of etc. On top of this I am asked at last minute, to remind the children to bring things back from school and give things to the teacher etc. Along with generally getting them ready I really struggle to remember everything and am forgetting a lot of things, I feel as though the parents are starting to get a bit annoyed at me. What do you all think? I know I HAVE to pay more attention to these things but does it sound like I am expected to remember too much? when the other parent around in the morning doesnt have to.

Thank you :)

You need a notebook!

I think you need to remember why you are therefrom your perspective it's to learn the language and spend time in the uk. I suspect the parents just want childcare. If they have to remind you to do everything you are not taking on the role they need you to do. Seriously you need a planner / notebook. Looking after three children means there is loads of admin and someone needs to be responsible for it. Sounds like the parents want that person to be you. I wouldn't be like that personally as I'm a control freak but I think you will find everything easier if you take on that responsibility and diarise it all.

You need to ask the parents to get you copied in on school emails and you need to keep a proper diary. There will be class what's apps groups too and I suggest you get involved in those as someone helpful will remind the class of show and tell etc.

I've got 4 children and am utterly disorganised. I need to follow my advice. I managed to order school photos for three of my children last week and completely forgot one altogether. Said child is now sad.

I have to say that all of my au pairs have been good at remembering appointments; what to take to school on a Thursday etc albeit I have two children not three.

I also have a family calendar in the kitchen which I write things down in and my au pairs check this each week. They are only £5 from Amazon.

One of my au pairs had a notepad and kept a list of daily things. Would this work for you?

Can you ask your host family to help you or are they utterly disorganised?

Put an alert on your phone for the important stuff you need to remember after school and always unpack school bags when you get in and then if there are forms you can leave them out for your host parents to sign.

How much are you doing - is a regular before/after school job?

I am not sure if this is really the role of an au pair.
it sounds like the parents are trying to get a nanny on the cheap.
that is not fair to you. it is not what the au pair system was intended for.
it is meant to be more like a mother's help/ some light housework, a kind of working useful guest in the house, with time enough to learn about each other's cultures.
there doesn't seem much opportunity or interest in this family learning about your cultural background.
I agree with your colleagues; too much is being expected of you.
also, any charts, planners, diaries, stationery needed that might assist in your role should certainly be provided by the family not you.
how many people on here would be happy to have to provide their own stationery at work, or whatever is needed to do the job.
perhaps some posters have vested interests; remember this au pair could be your child in a few years time, need to avoid treating her as less than a person with feelings, not take advantage by the great power imbalance.
OP is there any agency or support group you could go to for advice.
all the best. good luck.
let us know how you get on.

They are taking advantage of you! Sounds like they want someone to do all the parenting for them!
You shouldn't really be administering medicines for a start.
I bet they make you do all the housework and cook !
Slave by any other name.

I have both been an au pair and had lots of au pairs. I am on great terms and in touch with all our old au pairs but every one of them has had a previous or subsequent exploitative job.

How many hours overall are you working? Are you responsible for three small children’s routines from waking every week day? What age are the children?

Have you worked with kids before, or worked at all before? I think it can be a tough ride for someone very inexperienced.

Everyone will have different responsibilities according to family, but it’s true that there’s a big difference between nannies and au pairs and I have been really shocked to discover how many people would like 60 hours a week of slavish nannying to very young kids for approx £500/m 😡.

agree they are taking advantage of you. Get good planner and if they push with demands - leave. No good comes out of families that treat au pairs as helpless nannies /slaves.