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Micro-managing AP

4 replies

marzipanet · 25/10/2019 01:03

I am constantly finding little things that our AP of 6 weeks isn't picking up on, and basically it seems that anything I want done has to be explicitly asked for, even if it is something that is clearly spelled out in our au pair handbook and checklists - I have gone over these with her verbally and remind her often to check the lists or to do specific things on the list. This has not been as much of an issue with prior au pairs or nannies. She is generally fairly competent and good with the kids but if I don't specifically set out tasks, even every day ones such as wiping all counter tops after meal prep, she does the bare minimum. She does not help to keep the common areas clean and tidy either during her work hours or on her time off, even though again this is explicitly part of her duties/responsibilities. In the six weeks she has cleaned the bathroom that she shares with the kids once, after I explicitly asked her to do so as she had made a mess with hair treatments, ditto the laundry room floor when she washed some of her clothes with a tissue in the pocket and there was lint etc all over the floor. I am non confrontational and there is little that I hate more than micro managing. We have a white board and I am constantly leaving notes about things but even then she doesn't always do them. Monday this week she did none of the items on the list even though they are the same tasks every week on that day - I think she though she could just leave them until Tuesday. I did say early on that she can manage her time a bit if there are other things she wants to do, but I was clear that I meant doing a task at 2 pm rather than 9 am if she wants to do something like go to the gym or attend a class. I wonder if there is an end in sight. Our kids are 10 and 13 and it is not a particularly onerous role, we do most of the cooking and are very clean and tidy, and also quite generous (we are in Canada and pay min wage less room and board, provide all the groceries that are requested, and give lots of perks, subsidise winter clothes, take our APs skiing, etc). She was previously an AP in England for a year so not inexperienced and had a rave reference. Any advice??? Thanks so much!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Kitty1973 · 26/10/2019 18:07

I think you need to tell her that she is not a child, lives in the house with others. Little respect. Sit down and tell her you feel it's not working. Start looking for another. You can't teach initiative or laziness
I know I sound hard. Had this on few occasions. Trust instincts.
Katherine

roses2 · 26/10/2019 18:54

I've had au pairs like this before. I'd say 2 of the 4 au pairs I've had needed daily reminders and 2 of the 4 did as I asked routinely. All of them had a daily check list which I kept on the fridge but 2 of the 4 clearly didn't pay attention to it.

Whilst you may hate micromanaging, as long as she does it (and to a reasionable standard) it is unfortunatley fairly common.

underneaththeash · 26/10/2019 22:48

All of mine have had a weekly printed sheet with instructions for that week which she has a copy of and is also on fridge. For example
Menu week 1
Monday
7.15am take M to school, take sports kit and school bag and do reading book in the car.
When you get back tidy away breakfast things, wipe surfaces and table. Put dishwasher on if full.
Remember to rinse bowls.

Etc..as it become more routine, you can reduce the instructions, but also add stuff as they forget.

I don’t think seeing/doing cleaning and tidying is habitual yet in teenagers/young women (my DH still hasn’t fit the hang of it and he’s 46).

marzipanet · 27/10/2019 02:48

Thanks for the input so far! I have done a simplified sheet of all the routine things that need to be done every week and noted the days where applicable, and I'm going to ask her to just go through the list every day. I am going to save our whiteboard for the things that don't fit into the regular routine that need special instructions. And I'm going to say that I trust her at this point to be able to just get the routine things done by following the same list every week and checking it every day - I want to be positive in how I approach this, rather than sound critical. In my own job I am constantly referring back to checklists even though I've been doing pretty much the same thing for almost 20 years - maybe I should mention that!

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