Can I re-settle my daughter at childminder?

[MummyJ36]

Can anyone offer any advice on re-settling a 19 month at a childminder??She is there 2 days a week mid-week whilst I'm at work and we've taken a massive leap back in how settled she is and I'd really welcome any help!

My DD started with her childminder the first week of September and despitea couple of little wobbles settled in really well and was eating and napping and socialising fine. She then caught a really nasty cold and we made an error in sending her to the childminders on one of the days she was unwell. That weekend we had a short break organised that involved a long car journey and staying somewhere unknownfor 5 nights. She wailed and cried in the car and for the whole holiday wouldn't sleep at night unless we sat in the bedroom with her until she went to sleep. The bedtime issue has unfortunately has continued since we returned home and she now won't settle at night unless my husband sits outside her door where she can see him - this is another thing that needs addressing but I don't have the mental energy at the moment!

Back to the childminder - ever since we returned she has sobbed and cried the second she gets put in her pushchair to leave for the childminders (she only lives 5 mins round the corner). She stays upset for even longer after she arrives and I often get messages saying shes been sad or taken herself away and won't socialise. She's such a social little girl this just seems so unlike her. When we pick her up CM often says she's been 'up and down' all day.

By chance I took her to a playgroup today and childminder was there with some kids and my daughter immediately burst into tears and wouldn't let go of me. CM said it's probably because DD thought she was going to take her away from me! It took ages for my DD to settle and it broke my heart!

DD is normally a really social, happy little girl. She's confident and can hold her own in most situations, but likewise she is only 19 months so she doesn't have the wealth of understanding or communication to articulate why she might not be happy and this is what worries me.
Any advice on what I can do? CM is an experienced childminder with lots of happy kids and I really thought we had a perfect fit when DD first started. She has said my DD just needs to re-settle and this may take time but it's breaking mine and my husbands heart seeing how upset she is.

If you are happy with your CM and trust her I would keep persevering. It's still early days when she is doing only 2 days a week with CM. Some children can take weeks/months to settle.

You mention your DH sits by her door until she's asleep, this to me suggests that everything at home revolves around her so anyone not treating her the same way as you and DH is causing her to play up, if that is the right word.

I would keep a good open relationship with CM and work together, take advice from CM (for example, she might suggest upping her days or doing something fun and social together so DD can see you and CM are friends).

Another scenario may be that DD doesn't like or is scared of another child that attends (or a pet CM may have) but if you have a chat with CM you can see if it is anything like this.

Children are very good at making parents feel guilty so don't be too hard on yourselves.

Firstly does she 'have' to go to the childminder. If yes - then think about the following. She is getting older and learning. She has just learnt that when you take her somewhere you leave her there. She probably thought that when you were going on holiday she was going to be left. So although she's still young - talk to her. Explain what is happening. Have a weekly calendar up. In the morning show her what day it is. Explain whay you are doing that day. Is it CM day or Mummy day. Maybe CM could have a similar calendar and also show her what's happening through the day. So she can see it's morning and we are going outside. Now it's snack time etc. Then she will know you will be coming back because it's on her timetable.

As for the night thing - it's similar separation anxiety. Don't sweat this. Let him sit in her room. Then gradually he can move away. Then Dadddy can have a job to do upstairs....I used to clean the bathroom or sort the washing. Just noisy enough for the child to know i was still upstairs, but quiet enough they could sleep.

If she really doesn't resettle - then consider what other options there are for childcare.

Around 2 is a typical time for this to develop I'd say nothing to do with being I'll. Persevere maybe see if you can do a few shorter session in between the full days. Always say an up beat goodbye its early days