Nanny Housekeeper for struggling Mother. Is it OK?

[EmperorBallpitine]

With 3 DC (13,9,7) I am struggling. I have a long term illness and will be having regular chemo. I want to employ someone to do school pick up, light cooking, club runs, just because those are the things I am finding difficult. I already have a cleaner. My husband works long hours so I think it would help him if we got someone else to assist. Added complications are that my older child will soon have an operation meaning time off school and I just can't be as helpful as I want. But do you think anyone would want such a depressing part time job?

Lots of people have nannies/ housekeepers for all sorts of reasons, it's not a depressing job. But it sounds as if you are feeling low. It must be very hard to feel you can't look after your family. Will there be someone to look after you a bit?

If you are getting dla/pip you may be eligible for a personal budget and can employ someone to help you x

No we don't get benefits and that's fine, we have money. I have had a lot of love from my friends but there are long term factors to deal with. I'm not depressed really. How can you plan for your own slide towards death without feeling a little low? I just don't want to invite someone in from outside who will have so much to deal with emotionally, its certainly a big ask. But I would feel better if everyone wasn't lurching from one pizza to another while I hide upstairs. I was so tired this week, and in hospital twice. The children need a back up.

The right person for that job won't find it depressing. They will find it rewarding and will enjoy being with your kids and helping you. Look for that person, they'll be out there

I had a nanny to help me with the childcare while I recovered from surgery, surgeon had given me strict instructions to do no child care for the first 6 weeks. The nanny I employed, had actually worked for quite a few families where one parent was unwell (for a variety of medical reasons) and blended in amazingly. I was so grateful to her.

Sounds like the right person could be a really valuable part of your family life
It’s not a depressing job, I would find it very rewarding to be able to be a pit of hands for you freeing you up to emotionally do the mothering and not be worn down by the physicalities when you are unwell.

Finding that person might not be easy though. I’d probably look for an agency to start with tbh

Be clear what hours and what the role would be
If you can afford it then go for more hours than less- you can always send them home early but you can’t always ask them to do extra if the shit hits the fan

So sorry you are unwell- it sounds really hard.

I hope so @butterymuffin

I'm really sorry to hear this, you are taking a hell of a lot on as well as being ill, it would overwhelm most people.

I'm not an expert but the best thing would be to talk to your local Macmillan nurses. They will have so much experience of this kind of situation, and will be able to help in all sorts of ways - including quite possibly finding you some help.

Asking for help is hard, but there are experts who have been through these situations lots of times before.

I hope you get a lovely grandmotherly person to help you out OP. It sounds to me like a decent job for the right sort of person. Don’t forget that most professional carers have to deal with lots of emotional stuff: several of the people helping us look after FiL were in tears when he passed away.

Getting the right person could be brilliant for you and free up your energy to be used in much better ways for your children.

I don't think people will find it a depressing job, but you need to think about what hours you are offering and who will want those hours.

If you can afford it OP I think it sounds like an excellent idea

I got one when I returned to work in August. She comes for 20 hours a week and is amazing. I don't regret it at all

Are you in London OP?

I am sorry you are ill EmperorB. In your shoes I think I would send an e-mail to all of my friends, relatives and work contacts (and ask them to do the same in turn) setting out the sort of person you are looking for and a summary of the jobs you want them to do, asking them all to keep an eye out. You need the right person and ime someone who comes via a personal recommendation is much more likely to be suitable than through an agency or random advert. Good luck with finding someone good!

Or ask around at your children's school?

And if by any chance you are in the countryside/have a horse, several friends of mine found someone through Nags& Nannies and they all turned out to be good - sensible & hard-working etc.

I found current and previous nannies (part time) on childcare.co.uk and care.com (think that's right names?) been really good. I realised it benefits the kids even more than it does me. Best thing I ever did.

Might be worth ringing Macmillan as they provide free and impartial advice and they are experienced in this area. Lines are open till 8pm: 08088080000

Best of luck with your treatment and recovery.

If you’re in London I know someone who could help.

Nanny/housekeepers are very common despite what Mumsnet thinks. Write the job spec very clearly as to what jobs will be required. There are lots of agencies that can help you find a vetted person.

I don't think you'll have any problem finding someone to be a nanny/housekeeper, Do get on to a reputable agency and see who they have on their books, apart from that you need to employ someone you like and with whom you and your children get on.

Good luck.

I do hope your health improves.

So sorry to read of your situation. Many nannies do after school work, but I would go through an agency as they can work in detail on your requirements and do the leg work of finding a shortlist of people with the right background. With time at such a premium you don't want to waste it sifting through the internet. I also don't like having my family's setup/requirements for all to see. They are expensive though, and will charge you I think two weeks of the nanny's salary plus a one off fee. Best money I ever spent though!

Thank you everyone who took the time to comment

This is exactly the job I do. I'm adhoc so no set hours but I look after children/elderly/ill etc. I love the variety and flexibility of my work.

It's not a depressing job! It sounds like Mrs Doubtfires job! I'm sure it would suit plenty of people