Two childminders?

[JLbaby]

Hi all,

(also posted in the divorce section, but wasn't sure if I might get a better response in this section). I'm after some advice and was wondering if anyone has any experience of having two different childminders for their kids after divorce (ex-h abusive, divorce not amicable and he makes my life as difficult as possible just as background info).

Long story short, it's not working out with my current childminder (nothing to do with the childminder herself - she's great). When divorcing my ex, during mediation he agreed to pay half the childcare costs. However, this hasn't worked out and he's refused to pay half the childcare costs every week so far, leaving me to pick up the bill for most of the childcare, (which I can't afford).

So I am thinking of removing myself from the situation and getting a new childminder and paying her for when I need her and ex can sort his side of the childcare out himself. Does anyone have any experience of this? I'm really reluctant to move them to a new childminder but I just can't afford his share of the childcare as well as my own!

I'm not sure if I've explained myself very well, but hopefully someone might have experience of a situation like this!

Is the split of when you both require care regular, ie can she provide 2 bills, one for you and one for him, not your lookout then.

The current childminder isn't willing to do that unfortunately, she gives us a bill and doesn't care who gives her the money, as long as she gets it.

Can you reduce your child’s hours with their current childminder so that you only pay for what you use? The difficulty is what will happen to your LO when your ex is at work? I know it shouldn’t be your problem to worry about & he should sort it out it just depends what you think he would do.

Josie - that's exactly my plan. For example today the childminder is doing drop off and pick up from school. I dropped them off this morning at the childminder, and ex will pick them up as they are staying at his tonight. I would usually pay for the morning and he would pay for the afternoon, however he's now refusing to do that so childminder is out of pocket. It was agreed at mediation that childcare would be split 50/50, that has yet to happen.

I guess my plan was, if I drop them off to a separate childminder in the mornings and she takes them to school, then someone else would pick them up, so I would only pay for the morning and ex would have to pay for whoever picks them up in the afternoon. I don't know what he would do, I guess that's part of the problem, ideally they'd stay with the current childminder, but I wouldn't put it past him to be awkward to make my life even more difficult!

What is the normal weekly routine, this might help advise better

It is as follows (on a 2 weekly basis)

Week 1
Weds - I drop off AM and pick up PM
Thurs - I drop off AM and he picks up PM
Friday - He drops off AM and I pick up PM

Week 2
Weds - I drop off AM and he picks up PM
Thurs - He drops off AM and I pick up PM
Friday - I drop off AM and he picks up PM.

Then it goes back to week 1 schedule.

I'm not sure what the CMs issue is, it's not that complicated.

Maybe ask again but reiterate that if she can't then you will be giving notice

Are these drop offs and collections from a school or a nursery? What age is your child please?

I think it’s really unfair to put a childminder in the middle of a domestic situation. Would you expect a swimming teacher or football club or gymnastics class to send out two invoices or work out who owes what based on your contact schedule?

Georgie - I also agree it’s not fair on the childminder. She just wants her money at the end of the day, which is why I’m trying to think of other options.

Drop offs and pick ups are to/from the childminder and then she takes them to school/picks them up. Children are 4 and 7.

I think that’s a really sensible approach. I hope you find a resolution.

"I’m not sure what the CMs issue is. It’s not that complicated."

The complication is this. Yes, childminder can issue separate invoices to mum and dad: so far, so easy. But she cannot require either of them to pay for anything they are not individually contracted to pay.

So she will need separate contracts with each parent, detailing the days and times they are individually responsible for. If dad is reluctant to pay his share, is he likely to sign that contract?

Also, consider who gets to carry the can if dad doesn’t play ball. He probably won’t agree to cover the fees for any times when he doesn’t have agreed access to the children. To be brutality practical, it’s no skin off dad’s nose if mum has no childcare when she needs to go to work; nor if she gets a phone call at work because the children haven’t been collected from school.

This is not a position any sensible childminder would want to be put in. Aside from the extra time/work/hassle of two contracts and invoices, plus the usual aggravation of being in the middle of parental strife. She will be very much torn in two if she has to turn the children away at the door because dad won’t pay. Or if she has to leave the children uncollected at school. And then the playground gossips will go to town, spreading malicious rumours about an "uncaring, grabbing childminder".