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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

First au pair- room not ready - how to make welcome

41 replies

chandellina · 30/08/2019 12:21

Hi, seeking advice here. We started converting our loft in May with the plan to have our first au pair in September. The room is almost ready but still needs painting and decorating and other finishing touches.

Because of lack of space and the work still going on we haven't gotten the furniture yet either although can do so quickly. The new bathroom she will share with my daughter is also not done but may be by the time she arrives next week.

Fortunately we have a fairly pleasant guest room that the au pair can use temporarily although the wardrobe is full of stuff and there's not really any storage at all.

What worries me more is that our house is in a total state from the build - every room in the house has holes in the ceilings because of damage from the work above and smoke detectors going in, plus the electrician made about 10-15 extra holes in the ceilings and some room walls while doing his work. Builder says will make it all good but has given zero time frame for doing so.

Meanwhile, our downstairs toilet's macerator fan stopped working and it smells. Our main bathroom is next up for renovation and is all broken tiles, peeling paint, limescale, mouldy grouting etc. Your basic horror show. Oh, we also don't really have a working oven ... long story.

We did tell the au pair her room wouldn't be ready but I'm terrified she's going to run screaming (or at the very least feel a bit depressed about her living conditions), having never been out of her home country before.

Any ideas how to assure her that actually we are a lovely family with a usually nice house? And ideas to make her feel welcomed more generally?

thanks!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

lovemenorca · 30/08/2019 12:24

It sounds bloody awful

However fact that you are concerned is a good sign. You absolutely have to put her in the picture before she turns up.

Send her photos, apologise

Say the one positive is that she can pick out items for her room. And lots of take always!

Also - you have to give her some idea when end in sight

lovemenorca · 30/08/2019 12:25

If I was her mother, I have to be honest, I’d be suggesting she not work for you

lovemenorca · 30/08/2019 12:25

Not you per se
More that I wouldn’t want her in that environment in her first job away from home

HeadintheiClouds · 30/08/2019 12:27

You are not ready to have an au pair living in your home. It sounds bloody awful.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 30/08/2019 12:33

It sounds miserable. I would suggest putting her in a hotel for the short term until her room is finished. Its not fair to expect her to live out of a suitcase in a home which is a building site.

Original poster

chandellina · 30/08/2019 12:44

oh sh*t. I agree her parents would be horrified. Am actually having a video call to meet them tonight. It's really going to be a lovely room when it's ready in a week or two.
Need to light a fire under the builders!!
And get fan and oven sorted.

OP posts:

lovemenorca · 30/08/2019 12:47

It doesn’t sound like ready in a week or two
Not remotely

Walk around the house tonight when you video call. You have to be upfront

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 30/08/2019 12:50

That amount of work doesn't sound like it will only take a fortnight to resolve. I think you are being very naïve in thinking it will all be ready so quickly. You really need to be honest with her and her parents about the conditions their daughter will be living in.

Stapelberg · 30/08/2019 13:04

I have a au pair. She sleeps in the smallest room in the house and is perfectly happy. The rest of the house is hers like it is ours.
We have only 1 bathroom in the house. For goodness sake, you're working on your house. It's not a permanent state of affairs. She's not the Queen or something.
She won't be sleeping in the garden ane before long her room will be ready.
I wouldn't worry about it.
You're doing your best. This is real life. Stop worrying!

HeadintheiClouds · 30/08/2019 13:28

She’s not the Queen or something.
She’s a young girl leaving home for the first time to live on a building site in a foreign country. Some people’s standards are clearly much higher than yours.

Original poster

chandellina · 30/08/2019 13:32

thanks for that Stapelberg!

I think her actual room can definitely be ready in a week or two, the rest of the house may take a little longer to get back in shape.

OP posts:

BitOftheSea · 30/08/2019 13:35

This happened to me when I was younger. They didn’t have another spare room either, so put me in with the eldest child also with no storage space. I couldn’t unpack or settle in and I was in a new country. It gave me the impression the family gave no shits about me. I left within two days.

MsPavlichenko · 30/08/2019 13:40

I'd be worried about the health and safety issue tbh. Other than builders, folk don't expect or havebto work in a building site environment or with limited access to a toilet/ bathroom if required. No reason she should.

Neither does it sound a suitable place to look after a child.

HeadintheiClouds · 30/08/2019 13:43

A house with a stinking toilet and a non working oven doesn’t sound habitable for any of you, tbh. How old is your child?
You need to delay the au pair’s arrival until you can offer her a decent environment.

Stapelberg · 30/08/2019 13:45

Clearly some people also have much higher opinions of themselves than they should have... This family is making improvements to their house. It's not like the au pair is having to pitch a tent outside. The house will be ready very soon.
An au pair is supposed to be treated like your family while living with you. OP isn't putting her own family up in a fancy hotel while the house gets fixed up. The au pair will have to learn and accept that life does not always go the way we want it. Also, I think OP will learn a lot from her character by how she responds to this minor and short lived disruption!

Stroller15 · 30/08/2019 13:45

I think if you are upfront about it when you meet her parents tonight, she can make an informed decision. It wouldn't bother me, especially if it is just a week - at least you care about it!

Robs20 · 30/08/2019 13:45

It doesn’t sound great...I was an au pair for a year in spain. I had a single room in their 3 bed flat so nothing luxurious but I would worry about the state of the rest of the house.
Can you put her start date back a couple of weeks/ pay for the change of flights?
To make her feel welcome I would at least empty the wardrobe so she has somewhere for her clothes, put clean towels on her bed. If the attic room isn’t yet decorated you could offer to let her choose the lamp/ a couple of cushions/ rug (assuming she will be living with you for a year).
Good luck! I loved my year as an au pair :)

HeadintheiClouds · 30/08/2019 13:48

The au pair will have to learn and accept that life does not always go the way we want it
Are you fucking serious? . It’s an au pair, not an indentured servant. She doesn’t have to put up with anything she doesn’t want to.

BitOftheSea · 30/08/2019 13:52

Oh, I would love to hear what your au pair thinks of you @Stapelberg. Individuals are worth the employment conditions they’ve been promised when they accepted the job. Nowhere to put their clothes of oven cook and a stinking toilet plus a building site in the rest of the house? Reckon they mentioned that on the advert? Good au pairs have a choice of families to work for.

yesteaandawineplease · 30/08/2019 13:53

doesn't sound ideal. definately let her know what she's coming to. the spare room is ok but you need to clear it out so she can use it properly and unpack. even if it's only for a week but it may turn out to be longer. you know what these things can be like. either way it's not fair on her to be put in a room with lots of your things.

other things to make her feel welcome... ask her what her favourite things to eat and drink are and have them in. make something nice to eat or go out on her first night. give her a welcome card and flowers for her room on arrival. take time to show her round on her first few days/weekend.

hope it goes well

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 30/08/2019 13:55

The au pair will have to learn and accept that life does not always go the way we want it. Also, I think OP will learn a lot from her character by how she responds to this minor and short lived disruption!

This sounds very much like you think she should be grateful to be employed irrespective of the environment. This is a young girl moving to a new country I don't think somewhere to hang her clothes, a toilet that works and a house not full of holes which is currently a building site is reasonable. We also don't know that the builders will indeed be finished in a few weeks it doesn't sound like they are in a hurry.

Original poster

chandellina · 30/08/2019 14:02

The children are 11 and 7. We've lived without an oven since January, then bought a used one that needs to be turned on from the mains or the fan runs all the time. Very tight space to fit it in means new ones didn't fit - and we plan to replace kitchen but maybe we'll wait until the au pair leaves. ;)

The toilet doesn't stink but the room smells musty because it's not airing out. The other bathroom is perfectly operational, just old.

The loft is plastered, flooring is down, and plumbing and electrics are all in their final final stages so I don't think there will be a lot of builders about.

OP posts:

HeadintheiClouds · 30/08/2019 14:06

It doesn’t sound like anywhere I’d like to move into.

Raphael34 · 30/08/2019 14:06

I agree with being honest and putting them up in a hotel/airb&b while you get your while house sorted. While you’re not breaching any working conditions that I know of, your house is actually classed as ‘uninhabitable’ and you cannot house live-in employees in these conditions. Depending on what contract you have, they could potentially move to a hotel of their own accord and send you the bill. I’d be worried about delaying or rearranging flights. They could decide you’re just a time waster, or get annoyed about the missed wages and just find someone better to work for

HavelockVetinari · 30/08/2019 14:08

What are your DC like? Hard work or easy going?

My au pair family moved house whilst I was there, but I loved the DC and the parents were amazing, never took the piss, so I was happy to help out. They constantly thanked me and made sure I knew they were grateful for me helping paint and lug heavy stuff (I'm freakishly strong).

If you're super nice and your au pair is a good one you'll be fine.

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