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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

CM CLUB - Mindee naps

17 replies

LoveMyGirls · 07/08/2007 13:23

I've got a mindee who used to have a nap for about 1-2hrs a day then suddenly he started early waking (5am) so her mum asked me to drop the nap which i did, mindees behaviour/ mood went downhill but i carried on anyway as mum requested at one point she did say mindee could have naps back and then the next day changed her mind and said mindee could have a nap 2 days a week (and named the days) the thing is she is shattered some days and really needs it or just falls asleep in the car (not always on the days mum has said)

The problem for me is if i let her carry on sleeping i feel i'm going against what mum wants BUT if i wake her i feel im depriving her of something she clearly needs so i think letting her have a sleep if she really needs it is what is best.

Am i wrong/right?

What would you do?

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lazymoo · 07/08/2007 13:30

can you not tell mum this

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 07/08/2007 13:37

I have told mum all this which is why she said they can nap 2 days. I feel i should be doing what she asks as that is what i would expect if i was paying someone to look after my child. I need to know what other people think so I can see if i'm being unfair/ fair.

I should also have put childs age - 2.1yrs

OP posts:

looneytune · 07/08/2007 14:25

I'm no expert but do feel for you as it's such a hard situation.

My first ever mindee started at 2.5 yrs and left when 4. I can't remember when but at some point I was asked to drop naps, which I agreed with due to her age, HOWEVER, if she fell asleep in the car then I was stuffed. She was impossible to wake up and tbh, we'd do so much that she'd get so worn out she really needed a nap (just on the sofa). There is NO WAY that that I'd let my mindees mum tell me I couldn't allow her to sleep. I used to explain how I'd try and wake her up but I'm not prepared to shake her or chuck water on her to wake her (as she'd be so out of it, this would be the only way, if even that worked! )

Sometimes kids are just sooooo tired, there's nothing you can do about it and you just have to let them rest. Hard for me to know about your situation as I've never met them all.

Good luck, hard isn't it!

hennipenni · 07/08/2007 14:44

LMgs, I was in the same situation earlier this year with one of my mindees, the only problem was that if she didn't have a sleep when needed she would become so tired that she would bang into things and become very grumpy etc.

Her parents and I compromised and now, I don't actively put her down daily for a sleep, but if she falls asleep out in the car or in her highchair then I can leave her to sleep.

Shoshable · 07/08/2007 14:53

i have always come up against this problem, and trying to explain to parents that a overtired child will not sleep at night and that a day time nap under three dosnt usually bother their sleep is like hitting your head on a brick wall.

I had one family that insisted that the 2 year old girl did not sleep, the poor child come 4 oclock would fall asleep on the floor, it took me ages to get through to mum, that as we did something physical most mornings she wouyld need a sleep, we came to a compromise of just a hour no longer, mum soon realised that having a early sleep i.e 12.30-1.30 was just right, and she would not be really whingy and run riot when she got home either, and by 7 was ready for bed.

PinkChick · 07/08/2007 14:57

LMG, speak to mum asap and ask her ways of keeping her Lo awake whilst in car or even at home when they are fighting sleep...tell her you have to give each child equal amounts of attention and her LO would require one on one if you were actaully able to do as she asks, FGS her LO is not a robot!, she needs to remember what its like having them all day every day and hol difficulat it is to work around them..good luck chick!

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 07/08/2007 15:47

Thanks everyone nice to know im not on my own with feeling like this, so badly wanting to do the best for the child yet at the same time knowing that if i dont do what mum asks she will just take mindee away.

I've spoken to mum on the phone today (she phoned to ask if mindee was ok as was grumpy this morning - i said yes but fell asleep in car as we went out and was so tired etc) I said I've been looking after mindee for a while now and i know the signs so if mindee is very tired i will allow sleep - she needs to trust I am doing my best for the sake of her child.

I agree my experience of early waking is not connected to naps although when my dd1 went to a childminder she used to suggest not allowing sleep after 3pm and i've always stuck to that.

OP posts:

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 07/08/2007 18:08

Bump for anything else helpful, also how do you go about talking to parents about sensitive issues without them taking offence and then taking children elsewhere? (eg. mindee being below average with development/ medical diagnoses etc)

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MaureenMLove · 07/08/2007 18:16

All been said about the sleep thing really. Can you agree with her that she doesn't sleep after a certain time, say 2 o'clock? My friends kids used to sleep for nearly 4 hours every afternoon and still went to bed no problem at around 7!
Do yo have a particular problem with development or medical issues?

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 08/08/2007 14:16

I think she needs more sleep when with me as we do alot, we've been out today and she's fallen asleep on the way back again, i havent put her in a cot i've just put her on the sofa (with 3 big kids around making noise) so not like im encouraging sleep but not stopping it either?

As for the development etc I was just wondering in general how far we as childminders are expected to follow things through, if we notice something and mention it to parent is that it or do we insist on things going further if they need to etc? I have no idea about this type of stuff and am just wondering. I know things get picked up at nursery and school later on but surely the sooner things are looked at the better. Also do parents tend to be grateful or offended?

OP posts:

MaureenMLove · 08/08/2007 17:32

That's the million dollar question isn't it? i've got a family who I know would be very grateful if I mentioned a medical/developmental issue. One of my friends, however, has a child who I am convinced has learning difficulties, but she is sooo super sensitive about any comments made about her kids, she would flip! I guess, that since we are all OFSTED registered, we should be able to mention things, the same way that nurseries do, but tbh, I still don't think that the majority of parents hold us in the same esteem as they would a nursery and would be offended.

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 08/08/2007 18:10

Exactly, if a nursery says something has been noticed parents will usually listen but if cm's do the same then there is the chance the parents will not believe us, will assume we are saying thier child is not "perfect/ normal" and take them to someone else when infact we are trying to do our best for the child.

It all boils down to the lack of respect and our ability to judge when someone is likely to be offended which when you only see them for a limited time per day is not really that long.

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looneytune · 08/08/2007 18:38

Yep, we can't win! I had a baby boy who I believed had unusual 'bits below' and agonised over whether or not to say something, sought advice and the advice was to leave it. It turned out to be a medical problem which could possibly later on cause him to have fertility problems and obviously she wished I'd said. I felt so awful, I really did but luckily this person totally understood my reasons for feeling unsure whether or not to say and we agreed I'd say if I ever thought anything was unusual. But, if I'd have said something at the time, a lot of parents would have been like 'what are you saying about my ds's bits!!!!' in a really funny way.

MaureenMLove · 08/08/2007 18:49

This is exactly why I'm fed up with all the OFSTED rules. They want us to be more like nurseries with posters and rules and regs, but at the end of the day, we just don't measure up to nurseries on the 'official' stakes.

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 10/08/2007 07:33

Mum has agreed she can have naps back as her day here is longer and more tiring. Hurray!

OP posts:

lizziemun · 10/08/2007 08:06

LoveMyGirls

I'm not a cm (but was thinking about), i bet she has found her dd has been sleeping even worse then normal.

I have a dd now 3.6 and she has only just dropped her nap, but i found from a very early age if she didn't sleep during the day she wouldn't/couldn't sleep at night.

I also expect when she starts at nursery in september every morning i expect her to start again.

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 10/08/2007 08:16

Thanks LM I think parents do expect their children to be more tired when they start nursery but some seem to think when they come to cm's they dont get as tired which is just wrong because unless you are a bad cm who just lets them watch tv all day and never takes them out etc then they get as tired as if they are at nursery, infact more so sometimes (as nurserys dont do walks in woods/ parks/ canal boats etc because of the summer hols we are doing at least 2 big trips per week so its really taking it out of her plus the fac t there are extra children here at the moment. Mindee can relax here but at her age she still needs a sleep and at just 2 isnt ready to have the attention span to sit still for anymore than 20 - 30 mins so trying to get her to have an adequate rest wasn't very easy and with others to care for it as well was hard going.

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