Childminder said 'your child hates me'

[Motherofpearl19]

Hi all, really hoping for some advice / thoughts!

Today was my 14 month olds 2nd real day with her childminder (but it's her 5th visit as we did 3 short practices beforehand). My daughter found both yesterday and today very difficult and apparently cried a lot. The childminder (who is ofstead registered and apparently very experienced) kept in touch with me on both days and suggested an earlier pick up. Luckily my friend who P is really close with was able I go and get P extra early at 2.30 instead of 5.30. I actually agree that this was a good idea because if P is really suffering, it's best to cut it shorter and just have these days as extra settling in days. I messaged the childminder this eve and asked if she thought we should do the same again tomorrow to which she agreed. I'm a single mum and I've paid upfront for this, so this will be the 3rd full day I've paid for (as she only does full days), even though P had done closer to half days, but that's not my main issue. Still though, I guess because the CM didn't mention half days to begin with, I hadn't factored them in.

The thing that's bothering me is the CM has suggested that she's never had a baby be so upset before, which makes me feel like P is too much?!? The CM seems flustered; and as if she feels negatively towards P.
eg. When I arrived today and the CM said 'hi' to P, P was a bit clingy with me (I think she remembered where she was!) The CM rolled her eyes and walked away, as if to say 'oh for goodness sake'. Then today when my friend picked P up she said 'she doesn't like me'. I work therapeutically with kids, so this would never be my choice of words, but it seems like an odd thing for a professional childminder to think / say?! I guess she's taking it personally - which is not very reassuring.

What do you think I should do? So far I've tried to be really encouraging of both P and her, and I keep saying things like 'oh well, this first bit is bound to be tricky - but she'll get used to it soon!' But I basically feel like I'm trying hard to reassure her, when really i want some reassurance! Especially as it's my first couple of days back at work, jeeeesh!

Thanks for listening :)

It's very rare for a young child to settle almost straight away in a childcare setting. ( I'm a Childminder). It could take weeks, it could take months! Bit unprofessional of her to say what she said, and I can see why it didn't sit well with you! Your child doesn't dislike her- your child doesn't know her very well and wants to stay with Mum! 2 months notice is very long, especially if your child is unhappy there! Does she do a settling in period? I have a 4 week settling in period where either myself or the parent can give immediate notice, with no extra charges, if we feel it's not working.
Go with your gut feeling......it's usually correct!

Hello again everyone! After all that I ended up taking my daughter out of this woman’s care. As many of you said, I felt it in my gut and my instinct was right, so much about the arrangement was unsafe. Thanks so much for all the support!

Oh good for you. How did you end it? Did something happen? I had a nanny who did the same with my 12 month DD and kept saying my DD didn't like her...as it transpired, the nanny didn't actually talk to her or engage with her, it was all v functional and my dad became anxious about spending time with her. Needless to say I ended it. It's awful when you're expecting great things from someone with great references!

Omg @catsinahuffagain it was just awful - and sounds a bit like your experience. I just told her that neither baby not I could go on without sleep - there was no routine at all and it was having a huge knock on effect at home - I didn't recognise my bubba, it was like she was on drugs! I didn't go into details with CM as I had read the contract and knew I could end it with immediate effect within the first 6 weeks! But honestly, so many things were very wrong and I could have listed them - but I just wanted it over with. For starters, on 2 mornings I noticed she had 2x floor to ceiling windows open which the babies could have crawled out of (1st floor)!!! I closed them each time and suggested she didn't have them open! Anyway, upon ending the contact (at 4 weeks) CM wrote to me saying I owed her for another 2 months, but that she would 'settle for £700'. I found the contract and sent that to her, politely saying that i would not be paying extra! I didn't hear back....