URGENTE, need help with new job!

[DaisyLucy]

I started this new job as after school nanny a couple of months ago where I look after 3 boys... 2 boys are 7 and 1 boy is 10 (2 families as nanny share).
Before me, the families had a nanny that stayed with them for 5 years, therefore she had the boys since a very young age, built a great relationship with them, etc, however she left and since I accepted the job.
The 10 years old boy didn’t received me well at all, my first 2 weeks were a nightmare with him as he was extremely rude to me... or not talk to me at ALL... or shout at me to “shut up”!, kept telling me that his old nanny would cook better, drive better, stopped eating my food, etc, etc, etc.
Talked to his parents that were on my side and had several conversations with him, told me that he was struggling still with the change (which I obviously understood and asked for tips to bond with him) but regardless the parents promised me that they would not allow him to be rude to me. With parents on my side I has improved slightly until a couple a week ago when I had set a golden rules chart for him with a treat for his good behaviour at the end of the week... and on day one of the chart his mother literally gave him the treat he was supposed to work towards during the entire week. He obviously was quick to tell me that he already got it and would not stick with the chart! So the chart stopped!
Also this last week or so every time I would address his behaviour he would just reply SHOUTING at me “I don’t care” and walk away... or not talk to me at all (even a hello), the less bad chats with him were “ok, I know, I know, I know" and walked away”..
So I asked mum for a chat a couple of days ago which she said that it is my fault that he is behaving like that towards me that I am new to him, that I didn’t make effort to let him like me, that he was loosing sleep because he has been dreading me on the following day, that I am the only person he speaks in a rude manner, that he doesn’t respect me because I am not able to earn his respect! Literally blaming me! ... that I would feed the children with junk food (absolutely nonsense) ... and other accusations about how I treat/speak with her boy that is causing him emotional distress! ( I was speechless and felt confused, as I never imagined a parent literally that would allow her child to be rude to someone and in fact blame me for her child’s behaviours)
So I was prepared for her to dismiss me, as if I am such horrible nanny how could she allow me to look after her child? But she didn’t!

I don’t want resign because I am paid really well and I have a great bond with the other 2 boys..., but I feel I need to resign because I am worried this may get worse, and worse accusations may arise, etc. Should I resign?

Btw, I am Ofsted registered, degree qualified and have several years experience- this has never happened to me.

Please please share your thoughts!

I wonder if you can get in touch with the old nanny on the pretext of getting tips to get along better with him? She may have some ideas and it may also become clear whether or not it is teething problems rather than him being a little shit difficult to deal with.

I would ask to meet with both parents. At the meeting a would state that they both need to be on board with sorting this problem out. I would point out that giving him a treat that he is working towards is creating bad behaviour in him. I would put a time limit on sorting him out, say 1 month. In this time I would also be looking out for another position.

I would also raise the points the mother made to you, as such giving her an opportunity to retract what she said. I would also be prepared at this meeting to hand in my notice if she continued along the same line.

Sinkin, thank you for your response.
Mum told me that she had a catch up with the old nanny (mum and old nanny) few weeks ago and apparently the nanny said that he has never been like that to her, and she can’t help much because ultimately she had the boys from a very young age and they just see her in a very different way then what they see me.
So the old nanny can’t help, said mum.
Btw, on my first week the boy literally had a 10 minutes tantrum asking for the old nanny back. He is very upset that the old nanny has left the job and was taking it on me - parents are aware of it, and I feel sorry for him! BUT he can’t treat me the way he does and on top of that I don’t have mum’s support.

Pre-teens are obviously at such a tricky age. I think sitting down with the parents is a really good idea, but so is looking at what other jobs are around.

I am looking already but gutted because deep down I would not like to leave as everything else is great.
But also I am worried because I don’t want risk putting myself in a difficult position if I stay and this “accusations” don’t stop or get worse.

I left this afternoon and as usual I said good bye and see you tomorrow to him, dad was right by his side, the boy literally ignored me, I said again in front of dad expecting dad to ask him to reply me - dad said nothing, so I left.

Just can’t- will have a proper chat tomorrow morning with mom and may well have to give them notice, unfortunately.

Thank you all for your responses!

The problem you have here is that the parents are not supporting you and they should be. Every time the boy is rude to you in front of his parents they need to pick him up on it. No one is showing you any respect. I would have to give notice in this situation.

By all means have another word with the parents but you have to be firm and tell them that if they don't back you up you will be leaving. Sounds like parents left all the parenting to former nanny and have no idea how to parent themselves.