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URGENTE need help with 10 years boy and his parents

20 replies

DaisyLucy · 31/07/2019 16:31

I started this new job as after school nanny a couple of months ago where I look after 3 boys, 2 boys are 7 and 1 is 10 (2 families as nanny share).
Before me the families had a nanny that stayed with them for 5 years, therefore she had the boys since a very young age, built a great relationship with them, etc, however she left and I accepted the job.
The 10 years old boy didn’t received me well at all, my first 2 weeks were a nightmare with him as he was extremely rude to me... or not talk to me at ALL... or shout at me “shut up”!, kept telling me that his old nanny would cook better, drive better, stopped eating my food, etc, etc, etc.
Talked to his parents that were on my side and had several conversations with him, told me that he was struggling still with the change ( which I obviously understood) but regardless they would not allow him to be rude to me. It has improved slightly until a couple a week ago when I had set a golden rules chart for him with a treat for his good behaviour at the end of the week... and his mother literally gave him the treat he was supposed to work towards on day 1 of the week. He obviously was quick to tell me that he already got it and would not stick with the chart!
Also suddenly every time I would address his behaviour he would just reply saying I don’t care, would not talk to me much, every time I tried to make conversation, he would not reply, or say ok, I know, I know, I know" and walked away...
So I asked mum for a chat a couple of days ago which she said that it is my fault that he is behaving like that towards me that I am new to him, that I didn’t make effort to let him like me, that he was loosing sleep because he has been dreading me on the following day, that I am the only person he speaks in a rude manner, that he doesn’t respect me because I am not able to earn his respect! Literally blaming me! ... that I would feed the children with junk food (absolutely nonsense) ... and other accusations about how I treat/speak with her boy that is causing him emotional distress! ( I was speechless and felt confused, as I never imagined a parent literally that would allow her child to be rude to someone and in fact blame me for her child’s behaviours)
So I was prepared for her to dismiss me, as if I am such horrible nanny how could she allow me to look after her child? But she didn’t!

I don’t want resign because I am paid really well and I have a great bond with the other 2 boys..., but I feel I need to resign because I am worried this may get worse, and worse accusations may arise, etc. Should I resign?

Btw, I am Ofsted registered, degree qualified and have several years experience- this has never happened to me.

Please please share your thoughts!

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7sunnysundays · 31/07/2019 17:33

I couldn't work for a parent like that.

DontCallMeShitley · 31/07/2019 18:15

I think I read this a while ago...

Dawninglory · 31/07/2019 18:39

Is the 10 yr old an only child? ( as you said 2 families share you)
Also from the way you write I'm guessing you're not English. What nationality was previously Nanny? Could it be the child doesn't respect you because you arn't English? They can be little gits this age tweenagers we call them! I have an 11yr old one.

DaisyLucy · 31/07/2019 19:23

DontCallMeShitley It’s the first time I have posted this.

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DaisyLucy · 31/07/2019 19:31

Dawninglory
The 10 years old is not the only child.
I am not English and old nanny is. I have wondered about it already as I have had children in the past that was a little funny with me due to my accent but at all occasions it never lasted longer than the first few weeks. In fact all other families I worked were English and very soon we even had friendly jokes about my accent, though them a little about my culture and language.

But thank you for your thoughts!

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BogglesGoggles · 31/07/2019 19:35

Some mothers are like that with first born sons.

Lifeandjoy · 31/07/2019 19:42

It's not worth it. Money is not everything and isn't worth your dignity and sanity. Resign. You'll feel better and maintain your self respect.

Skinandbones · 31/07/2019 19:43

Not a nanny but was a teaching assistant and had to put up with this in the last school I worked at. Was wondering if this is coming from school, is he boasting about you and how he get away with how he treats you.
Maybe the other boys are encouraging him to do this.
They can be little sods when there's a group of them.

DaisyLucy · 31/07/2019 19:49

Very true! Thank you! I may well just give myself peace of mind and find another job.

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lifeinthedeep · 31/07/2019 19:57

I would leave. You don’t deserve to be treated as the boy’s punchbag- his mother is creating a little bastard!

DaisyLucy · 31/07/2019 20:01

I left this afternoon and as usual I said good bye and see you tomorrow to him, dad was right by his side, the boy literally ignored me, I said again in front of dad expecting dad to ask him to reply me - dad said nothing, so I left.

Just can’t- will have a proper chat tomorrow morning with mom and may well have to give them notice, unfortunately.

Thank you all for your responses! Smile

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HappyHammy · 31/07/2019 20:05

Leave and find another more rewarding position. He's a rude little boy and is making life miserable. You will find a lovely family to work with and he can stay home and stamp his feet.

yikesanotherbooboo · 31/07/2019 20:12

I feel for you. The mother should be supporting you. Some children ( mine included ) struggle with change but 10 yo should be being supported by his DM to accept you. Can the previous nanny or a Grandparent help the process. Btw I would leave pretty quickly if DM won't support you.

PinkGlitter123 · 31/07/2019 22:25

You are being shown no respect. Family sounds like a nightmare and you deserve a lot better.

MrMeSeeks · 01/08/2019 00:29

Leave and tell them why, that you cannot work for someone who shows you know respect ( who won’t pull their disrespectful child for their awful behaviour)

Brain06626 · 01/08/2019 02:50

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IceAndASlice123 · 01/08/2019 19:32

Any updates?

DaisyLucy · 01/08/2019 20:21

Today’s Update!
Had a chat with mom today and said that I expect her support asap and positive changes by the end of the summer holidays or I will leave.
She and her family is going away on holiday tomorrow but back end of next week. While she’s on holidays I will have only one 7 years old boy (from the other family).
She said that she will take these days to reflect on it and will get back to me. I ok it just because I don’t have another job yet and I hope she can see that she is not right.

Today’ talk she admitted that her boy is rude to me BUT yet again said that it is because I didn’t managed to bond with him.
Regardless I am looking for another job and hopefully I will find something within the next few days and give my notice.

She is a COO from a large bank and has very little time to her children, I think she genuinely believes that it is MY job ( or nannies job) to educate her children. Today she even said that she should not be having this conversation with me as she expects me to sort out this kind of problems. Bearing in mind she never initiated this talk I asked for these chats. Perhaps the old nanny literally would be the person that educated her children!
Now I don’t feel like I can stay, I am actively looking for another job and I will only stay IF she demonstrates support very soon.

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IceAndASlice123 · 01/08/2019 22:06

She sounds like an absolute nightmare,
Honestly, leave. Nothing good will come out of staying with this family x

MrMeSeeks · 02/08/2019 03:11

Leave. she doesn't want to have these conversations with her child as its easier for her not too.
Things will not change, her child knows he can be as rude and bratty as he likes to you and nothing will happen.
If you reprimand him most likely it will be you in the wrong anyway

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