CM CLUB:Mum wants to start toilet training mindee age 18 months...

[PinkChick]

now i know i started late, but this seems early?, he does however know when his nappy is dirty and i know i cant tell her otherwise, but what to do when hes with me?
we're either on school run or out at park/softplay etc?..think hes too young to understand he can go'right now' when we're out..what do you think/suggest?
TA.x

It does seem early. My friend's DD was potty trained at that age but I've never heard of a boy being ready then.

Could you bear to have a few days of cleaning up so you can then tell the Mum that you don't think he's ready?

There was a thread the other day from the other perspective - a Mum wanting the CM to potty train and the CM not thinking she was ready

oh will havea look for that?..mum said she was thinking about it, i will leave it until she mentions it, but TBH, although hes very bright, i dont think he would be able to communicate well enoigh to let me know he needs toilet right now?

Deffo get her to start it off at the weekend so she has had the first 2 days to deal with and can decide whether she thinks he is getting the hang of things at all.

I can't help thinking that if I was your mindee's mum I would be a bit annoyed at you discussing my business on here.
Also, maybe she has asked you as she wants a bit of help/support.

NAB3 - this is anonymous and, the CM is asking for support herself.

They'd be hardly any threads at all if people didn't discuss other people's business would there?!

It wouldn't take much for the mum to recognise herself.

I'm sorry but I don't get it? We all come on here to air things/ask for support between others childminders (hence the CM CLUB bit at the start of the title). I know anyone can have a look at the threads and that's fine but I'm puzzled by how she'd be recognised easily??? She's hardly given out loads of personal details!

It was just how I felt.
If the mum came on this topic and read about a mother wanting her 18month old, etc etc she would hazard a guess it might be about her child. That's all. I posted what I felt. It's no big deal.

i would go with the geting her to start at weekend if she was serious so she can do 2 days and maybe decide its too early!

i trid my dd at just 2 nd she was having none of it, tried again at 2.4 and she was abolutely fine! age helps the time scale so much!

I agree, as we have no coworkers this is a great place to share and ask for help/support. I sincerely doubt the parent would be upset if her concerned c/m was looking for information that will only help her out in the long run.

Anyway, PC - it does seem young, but like the others I agree to have her start it on the weekend and that you will support her in whatever she'd like to do. You can hardly say no, just ask for lots and lots of changes of clothing. You never know, he might just do it!

My son is 23mths and mostly dry except for now and again. He has been since 22mths but is only just grasping the 'knowing' to go and asking me-rather than me asking him! I do think that whatever the Mum has suggested is followed and if you feel the child just isn't ready be sure to note down all the 'accidents' the Mum will soon be aware if he isn't ready...
It will be hard on your Childminding and does limit you abit for the first few days or so but thats the fun of working with children!

PC my gorgeous boy that just left potty trained at 22 months, i was gob smacked never known a boy at that age, but he himself kept taking his nappy off, so i put the potty out, he was dry in a week, never ever known a boy do it before in 30 years!!!!!

"I can't help thinking that if I was your mindee's mum I would be a bit annoyed at you discussing my business on here.
Also, maybe she has asked you as she wants a bit of help/support"

...hold the phone!..as the other girls have said i myself am asking for advice and support from this place!, i havent slated the mum, i admitted i started my own dd very late and didnt know if this wastoo soon or normal these days..i dont get you?..even if mum did come on here, why would she be annoyed that i had asked for advice on what to do when he's with me?

and i have given her as much support as i can today by ..well id better not say how i did it incase she does come here and shout at me for showing support!..

anyway, to the rest of you guys, thanks, i think the mum will prob start it when im off in few weeks, then she has her LO all week, told her today i think its a bit soon IMO as i have been alert to his toilet habits today and only once did i know he needed it changing cos he was pulling at it(dirty one, wet ones when un noticed)...he is very advanced, but think at his age/stage of development, it might be best to leave it a few weeks..if mum decides to go for it then of course i will support her 100%, i will suggest she brings him on days i have no other or fewer mindees, then we can focus more on her LO and hopefully make progress

Good for you pinkchick that sounds like the perfect way to keep everyone happy, good luck with it all, at least its summer and the sun will dry the washing!!!!!

yeah and have been thinking of having carpet cleaned in playroom anyway

Just to clarify. My problem wasn't with the OP asking for advice. It was because it came across as critism of the mother, or questioning her decision. That's all.

list I was given: List of signs your child may be ready

Can recognise that they need to use the toilet/potty.
Can leave their current activity in order to use the toilet/potty.
Can understand the link between the toilet/potty and being dry.
Can understand and use vocabulary (or sign language) relating to using the toilet.
Is keen to do things ?by themselves?.
Can communicate their need to use the toilet.
Can control their bowel/bladder for a few minutes beyond that communication.
Can remove their clothing with little or no assistance.

One mum I met had plans to potty train her child before her first birthday. We don't always agree with the parents we work with but that doesn't make us bad childminders. It would be wrong simply to disagree without seeking advice & looking at ways to work together. Using forums like this is an ideal way to seek advice from colleagues without breaching confidentiality. This is not disrespecting parents. However extensive our training has been, however many years of experience we may have in childcare that doesn't mean we know it all and its a sign of professionalism IMO to recognise when advice/assistance is needed and to ask for it. We can't discuss with our local childminding friends; they would know who we're talking about. Online, if you haven't given out personal details in your profile or postings then how can anyone know for sure who you're talking about?

NAB3, childminders are put in a difficult position sometimes when parents express wishes that may not necessarily be in the best interests of the child. Ofsted do not expect us to put the expressed wishes of the parent above the safety & wellbeing of the child. IMO its the parent's right to decide how their child should be brought up and any childcarer should respect & follow their wishes and you are quite right in pointing out that childminders should not criticise the decisions made by parents. (NB I didn't read the op as a criticism, I'm sure this was unintentional). However, it is both a parent and childcarers duty to safeguard the child by keeping up to date with relevant advice and to seek/listen to appropriate advice so that they have all the information they need to make an informed decision that is in the best interests of the child.

Trying to potty train a child before (s)he is ready can cause a number of problems. It happened with a child in my care where I followed the parent's wishes to potty train earlier than previously agreed. The child could not sense the need to go and had numerous accidents. And got VERY distressed, about it all, especially no.2, took ages to calm down after each accident, and wouldn't go near the wc for ages because the whole thing became a negative experience. With an older child its all fun, exciting & positive being a "big boy/girl".

In another child I know the negative issue led to holding back no.2 and this caused stomach aches & pain when going, consequently reinforcing idea that no.2 is painful/horrible and child tried to keep it in even more ... vicious cycle needed gp's help & hospital visits to resolve.

does seem a bit early but could you compromise? Have a potty around to play with and put child on potty after meals to see if he does anything. If nothing happens suggests he is not ready, if if does then you can risk putting him in pants after.

Initially I was thinking that it would be hard for you to manage potty training such a young child along with your responsibilities towards your other mindees, but I think if the Mum is going to do the first week (could be 9 days) then that puts a different light on it. She will hopefully by that point either have given up or made some progress. My friend's DS was trained before he was two.

I had the situation the other way round - when DD was 19 months, my cm suggested that she was ready to start potty training. She was right, as DD kept trying to pull her nappy off to wee and as they were resuable ones, it was quite an effort .

DD was ready and her calls of "eeeeee" were easily interpreted. I sent her with reusable training pants to start with (they can hold a bit of wee) but she quickly moved onto "real" pants.

Your solution sounds great PinkChick - I think your mindees have a very good childminder .

ds (much older though 2.3) has recently potty trained, cm was initially unsure about his readiness so i said no problem, put him back in nappies if it isn't working for you, we can carry on at home. but she didn't because she is fab, it went really well and he was all done in a fortnight.

i do hope the mum would be flexible too pc, at home with one child bare bottomed just isn't the same as several children in a park, which we found the most difficult bit of the whole project.

my son was dry at 18months. if they have good speach i see nothing wrong in trying. you just put a pull up on when you are going out, now is the ideal time. just spend lots of time in the garden he will either get the idea or not. mum needs to be making the effort as well thoubh.

thanks Idris and every one for your valkuable advice, wont see him again now until next week, so will again keep eye on him and anything to suggest he may be needing/doing toilet.

Nab3, i dont understand what point i made that you thought i was critisizing the mum?, i asked if this was young or just young to me cos my dd didnt train until late and i asked about how problematic it would be when we are out and about with other children?

anyway..like i say hopefully he can come when im less busy for a week or two meaning we can stay close to home and then be a bit braver..will have to work out a toilet emergency drill