I?m going to offend lots of people, but if I don?t post I?m going to POP (very long and moany)

[TheGodmother]

In every single profession there is a tiny minority who spoil their reputation, and childminding is just the same. When I was pregnant with dd2 I decided that nursery was too expensive for 2 children and decided to that a childminder was the best option.

For 6 months I lurked on the childminding threads! Boy what an eye opener, don?t get me wrong MOST of the threads were professional and a merit to the profession but some of them.

Thud

I remember a few such as ?Shall I report the mum to SS as she wants me to feed solids to her child at 5 months 28 days!? ?I?ve had 3 kids and have been childminding for 10 years so I know more than first time mother? ok I?m exaggerating ,but after 6 months of reading the threads decided a childminder was not for me.

Anyone still reading? Anyway about 6 weeks ago I was let down in childcare arrangements and ended up with a childminder for 2 days a week.

I normally finish work at 5pm but occasionally, I have to stay late. So rather than be late picking my dcs up and annoying the hell out the CM (see told you I read the threads thoroughly). I booked the times 10am-6pm. I explained the most days I would end up picking them early but she said that was fine.

Anyway the 2nd week I was at CM?s house at 10am, knocking on the door, in the rain, no fecking answer! 10 mins later she comings running round the corner ?Oh sorry, but I have to drop mindee off at playgroup and sometimes they?re late letting us in? Inside I?m seething, I have a meeting at 10.30am and am now going to be late.

Next day same things happens, in fact she is late every time by 10-15 mins. Now why didn?t she say at the initial meeting that she could not make 10am but could make 10.15? So when I have to go to work on time, I have to drop the dcs at 9.30am! Which I do not pay for! I have only needed to do this twice, as I now rearrange my work so as to start 15 mins later!!!

Ok ok so that is annoying enough, but the kids seem happy there, I?m willing to give it a go.

2nd week at CM?s, dd2 comes home singing ?Lunar Jim? or some such nonsense. WTF is Lunar Jim? Apparently they watch TV at CM, stupid, stupid me, didn?t think to ask at the initial meeting if she plonked them in front t of TV and how often. That p**sed me off, but hey my fault for not checking, and DCs still seem happy enough.

A few weeks in and dd2 comes home from CM but an exceptionally sodden nappy, I mean so wet that she couldn?t walk. First of all I was very upset, then I thought she?s probably sat in a puddle or something I will mention to CM next time I see her. We went on leave fro a couple of weeks, and when I got back I mentioned about dd2?s nanppy. She was so angry, when I came to pick them up, she had written a 2 page letter about how you would never leave a baby with such a wet nappy. Emm well my love, you did, I saw it, are you calling me a liar. Ddin?t say any of this! Very strange, all I expected was her to say ?Well that?s strange I would never let a baby have such a wet nappy, I wonder how that happened? I?ll keep an eye on that?

As you can imagine the professional relationship between us is not great, and last week CM said that gossip in the village had said I was moving away, and that she needed to know because obviously she was very popular and had a long waiting list. I couldn?t believe it?I?m NOT moving away and gossip is just that?gossip.

Anyway, last week the cowardly fecker sent me a letter to say ?Due to unavailable circumstances, she was terminating the contract?

I just feel so angry, like I?m going to pop!!! I know it?s the best thing for us to do, we could not continue a professional relationship when we didn?t trust each other. Plus out of the 16 weeks she has been paid for she has actually only looked after my dc for about 10 of them, due to my dds sickness and last minute holidays. Which I always paid her in full for!!!

Why am I so fecking angry?.

Childminder sounds unprofessional and gossipy.

How did you work out £9 per hour per child?

Aw don't cry!!!
Go get a nice cuppa, call dh and get him to take a few days off.

oops! I thought the OP had 1 child not 2.

I can't get a cleaner for less than £10 an hour. (Totally different subject I know).

Yeah, bloody cleans. They charge too much. I have that problem too. So I don't have a cleaner cause I'm certainly not forking out £10 per hour.

Having said that I wouldn't clean someone else's house for less than £10 either.

Hello GM.

I think you have every right to be annoyed with your childminder, but please don't tar us all with the same brush!
We also get parents arriving early, picking up late with no apology, and over a week, it can mean you're working a substantial amount for no fee's.

I always state to my parents that communication is the key. If they have any niggles, then please lets sort them out before they escalate. I have to remember that no children to care for means no money - so I tend to be ultra flexible and willing to accomodate.

I know there are some abominable childminder around, but there are also some gems in and among.

I hope you're lucky in finding your next childminder.

Take care,

Sally

Hiya.

I can understand where you are coming from.

I remember picking my son up from the childminders with a wet nappy. It was so wet it was dangling between his legs. They were outside playing whilst the childminder prepared her dinner and her eldest child (9) was keeping an eye on the children.

I remember lifting ds and walking indoors. I asked childminder for a nappy as it looks like it had been a while since ds was changed. She swore it had been about an hour but it was obviously a lie. I let it go as in every other way she was prefect.

Her attitude towards me has gotten worse and she tells ds she loves him, which I know isnt a bad thing but it makes me feel uncomfortable. Also last week when I went to pick ds up, her other mindees mum was there and she was saying how she had to play outside with them herself as her dd hadnt been there that day. She said she hadnt got any of her housework done as she had the kiddies

I am off now for a while and I am looking for someone else, all the small things add up eventually. Like when she told me I would hurt ds by picking him up, and how she said I shouldnt have taken him on holiday as it was too expensive a place to waste on a 2yr old

So, thank your lucky stars you are rid of her and look for someone you both love.

Right had cup of tea...bradfordmum after reading the threads, I know the probelms CMs have with parents that's why I made my hours finishing at 6pm. Also I treid to communicate my "niggle" when I mentioned the nappy, but she just got offended.

I think the reason I'm so upset is I feel I've tried ot be as reasonabel as possible, but have still come across as the "wicked" parent. OMG tears again!!!

I've not bothered to ask what the "unaviodable circumstnaces" are, we both know it's we don't trust each other. Meant to take girls there on Tuesday, but nt sure wht to do.

All those things would wind me up too (apart from the TV), but not all childminders are like that. My childminders are absolutely BRILLIANT and have put up with no end of messing about from my ds! I always half expected them to terminate the agreement but they didn't, they are so wonderful. We're about to start with a new one, so fingers crossed.

Isn't there a central number you can ring to find another childminder in your area?

I understand where you are coming from too. I'm on my third cm, and tbh it was worth the hassle and stress to find the perfect one. The first one was good, but my circumstances changed and she couldn't accommadate them, the 2nd, was awful. Can't believe some women are allowed to be cms. But the third is a real gem, and I'm beginning to see her as part of the family.

You do need to go through this to find someone trustworthy and who isn't doing it to get paid and stay at home and do the housework. It's very easy to see the difference in a few days. (I'm sure noone here is like that at all!!)

I don't think you come across as a wicked parent, just someone who is justifiably p*ssed off!

I would take advantage of any notice period to use her until you can sort out alternative childcare. You have said your dc were happy there and she hasn't done anything from what you've said to make you worry about their safety. A couple of weeks more tv won't make any difference to your dc and will give you time to sort out a reasonable alternative...

Godmother it's always going to be very tricky saying that a CM isn't working out, whether it's you as the parent or her as the CM (or him!) saying it.

I sacked my cm a while ago because there were so many issues I wasn't happy about - toileting being one, her taking him round Sainsburys and plonking him in from of the TV a lot (and letting him have lunch in front of the TV...) the list goes on...

I agonised over whether I should fire her, and if so, how. I felt that if I addressed any of the issues she would explode and be very defensive (she is that sort of person) so in the end I wrote her a really nice letter thanking her for all she'd done for ds, and making a weak excuse for why I as terminiating the contract. I dropped it round to her house and talked nicely to her in person and left her with the letter.

She lives down my road and she has totally avoided me ever since. Her ds is in my ds's reception class at school and pur paths cross a lot. I always say hello, and she says hello back and walks off quickly.

I can understand that she's hurt by me sacking her and probably a bit peeved about losing the money...I am glad that I did terminate the contract tho, as ds is now with a fantastic cm who gives him fantastic activities to do and really seems to like being with him. I'd like to stay friendly wit the 1st cm, but in all reality I don't know if that's poss. The bottom line is you have to do whatever's best for your child.

2 comments -

i dont think OP complains about any CM other then the one who sacked her . dunno why people are saying 'dont get at all cm's' coz she aint. AFAICS (is that too cryptic??)

all those question marks made it darned trricky to read whole loooooong OP

hope you feel better for rnting!
(ok, that was 3)

So nice cuppa didn't work - have you tried getting a couple of days support?

TheGodmother - I would just like to say that I totally applaud the fact that you lurked around on threads and picked up on some of the issues that CMs moan about (late pick-ups, for instance!)

to be honest, i don;t mind the odd late pick up if someone has the manners to txt or call me and explain, if they use public transport i can understand. i have a late charge, but only ever threatened it. theyve been 40 mins late before, but always always let me know, kept me informed and appologised big time.

perhaps im too soft.

1/there is no way i'd leave my kids with a childminder i didn't have a good relationship with myself
2/yes it sounds like she was acting in an unproffesional manner
3/i don't know why your complaining about paying her for 16weeks but only using her for 10weeks when that was not the minders fault sounds like sour grapes
4/as a childminder myself i find the best working partnerships are ones where we are treating each other with mutual respect - doesn't sound like there was a lot of that

in conclusion it sounds like you are better off without each other and good luck finding a fantastic new childminder - i inherited a family from another minder (who was constantly slagging off the mum) and we get on fantastically well even out of minding setting(much to old minders disbelieve!)So i really think you have to find someone you click with and treat her well & she'll surely treat you the same

Yes your childminder sounds a bit crap but a good childminder can be so so important - did you visit loads of childminders? (I visited about 8). Did you bring your children so you could see how they got on with her? If you had found the right childminder you would have known straight away, it's like when you're house hunting and you walk through the door and just know it's where you're going to live. Our childminder was incredible and really became a trusted friend and member of the family.

oh and by the way.. it is fairly normal for children to watch some TV, lunar Jim is not going to change the world. As with every profession you get good childminders and not so good ones but it is up to you to be certain that you have picked someone you trust and like and who is on the same 'wave-length' as you when it comes to parenting.

this could be useful:
www.childcarelink.gov.uk/index.asp

I think you need to research childminders very carefully. My sister managed to register as one in order to look after a friend's baby for a few months. She wasn't required to do anything much in the way of training - think the council sent someone round to check she had plug socket covers. Scary. Obviously my sister's lovely but if she wasn't, no-one would have noticed.

Obviously you need to research nurseries and nannies, too, not having a go at childminders, was just shocked there seemed to be such a low starting point.

I think you have every right to be angry! -
This woman should be way more professional than this - I would not dare turn up to my job 15 minutes late, or neglect the duties assigned to me - this is her profession - she is being paid a good wage and should do her job properly.

I would be very annoyed about the tv thing and the nappy. I dont think it was your fault because you assumed it was a given about tv - she should have cleared it with you about your feelings regarding this.