Is it too late to ask about the husband?

[Shattered777]

We have been using our childminder since Feb, she looks after my 4.5yr old daughter and 2yr old son twice a week. So far, so good and I am really pleased. And they seem happy there too.

I don’t know why, possibly after reading horrible stories in the paper, but I have suddenly starting worrying that I didn’t really check how often the husband is around or if the kids are ever left alone with him.
He seems like a nice enough guy, I’ve said hi to him a few times and they have a ten year old daughter and 7yr old son themselves and I have ABSOLUTELY no reason not to trust him! But I’m worried I should have asked more questions about him at the start but didn’t.
I think it would be weird to suddenly ask now and I don’t want to make her paranoid but equally it’s important I feel reassured with who looks after my kids....
Am I too late to bring this up? And if not does anyone have any advice on how I can tackle it?
Thanks!

Did she not mention it? Our childminder had every adult in her house crb checked. Even though they weren't alone with the children. Do you know anyone who could enquire about spaces and ask the question

Every childminder I've used or visited has told me on the first visit what other adults are in the house, what interaction they will be having with the kids and confirming they are CRB/DBS checked.

I’m pretty sure at the beginning she said they were all crb checked but I guess it’s more that I want to make sure the kids aren’t left alone with him but I thought it could be weird to bring it up now! Months after starting
But yes good idea to ask via someone enquiring!

I’m sure she mentioned them being checked but we didn’t go into detail about how often he was going to be around. I should have asked but at the time didn’t even think tbh!

What do you mean by left alone with him?

Well just that really... like I said there’s no reason for me to not to trust him but I’d rather there isn’t a situation where he’s got regular one to one contact as I don’t know him at all nor feel particularly comfortable with that idea.
I just wasn’t sure if it was a bit late for me to broach this now or the best way to do it
I’m sure he doesn’t anyway but I don’t actually know for sure

Every person over the age of 16 has to be suitability checked and approved by ofsted and has completed a form so is known to be living or working with children on that premises. As that is flagged up should they commit or be under suspicion of any offence ofsted would be notified. Her report will tell you who is at that address eg has a husband and x number of children aged .....the regulations mean unless they are assistants with first aid they can not be left alone with children. Children must always be in sight or hearing and usually both of the childminder.

No I mean, alone whilst she pops to the loo or alone whilst she goes out shopping?

The first will probably be yes, the second will almost certainly be no. It’s not allowed unless he’s registered as an assistant.

Maybe ask her if has any assistants

But he will have had a dbs and prob unlikely to be at home as at wok so wouldn’t be looking after children

You need to be careful how you word any conversation as your CM might think you are making assumptions that her DH is dodgy and that may potentially sour any relationship with her. What exactly is your issue with the DH? If it's the fact you don't know him you will find that your CM may interact with all sorts of strangers throughout the day at toddler groups, at the park or have visitors to her house.

If your CM is Ofsted registered her DH will have been DSB checked. In all likelihood, unless he is her assistant, he is going to be at work during the day with occasional contact first thing/end of the day and when he might work from home.

There doesn’t seem to be a problem here, I wonder why you have become anxious about it?

Maybe ask if he is registered as her assistant? Lots of childminders register their husbands so they don't need to wake a sleeping baby to collect another child from school if husband is at home etc.

He might be alone with them if the childminder goes to the toilet or answers the door and he is eating breakfast in the kitchen at the same time as children, but unless he is a first aid trained assistant he won't be looking after them for hours at a time.

Nor would he want to. My Dh has his own job and his own children, he has no desire to watch mindees whilst I go out. He’d insist I took them so he can enjoy the peace on the home that is already taken over by my job.

Sorry in my opinion you should have asked these questions before signing up , I would be very careful how you approach this subject now as I would give instant notice to anyone who had a issue with my family and when / how they interact with the little ones. As would not be prepared to work with a family with no trust in case of allegations being made, At the end of the day it’s the husbands home too so likely to be around the children at some point and you have no right to expect them not to be there , maybe you need to consider a nursery or new childminder as it sounds like you have no trust with the husband around.

Surely your children at 2 years and 4 years would be able to tell you if left alone with anyone other than the childminder?

Unless he is registered as her assistant and has first aid training he will not be allowed to be left alone with them.

He will have a DBs.

I Laugh when people talk about being dbs check. DBS means nothing, it just shows they haven't got a criminal background not that they are good people, Most people that have done bad things have never been caught so would also have a clean or semi clean DBS.

As for your question im sure he is fine but you could ask as a sort of by the way just so i know... is your husband ever left with the kids? and see what she says

It's better than nothing, Dvg. Or do you advocate the removal of even this basic check to safeguard children?

Have a look at your paperwork. When we were using a CM, we signed a document that allowed our child to be left in sole care of her husband (who was not her assistant but was crb-checked, as it was then) only in an emergency. So, when my child had to be taken to hospital in an ambulance, the other mindees were left with her husband, who then called all the other parents to let them know. It meant they had some cover to allow the other parents to get back and collect their children.

Otherwise, he never had sole care of the children. Like most of the husbands of CMs, he had his own job!

Ideally, you would have asked about the husband at the start. But IME the vast majority of parents overlook some really important issues. Heck, I’ve yet to meet a mum who asks to see a registration certificate, insurance documents or proof of first aid training, and you can’t get much more essential than that.

Tome, the golden rule is: if you have a question about your child's care, and it matters to you, then it is never a 'silly question' and it is never the wrong time to ask. One would hope a childminder has sufficient maturity to handle a legitimate query about her business without coming over all emotional about it.

That said, as a registered childminder, she must know the rules about other people in the house. Ofsted will have checked their are no unsuitable people in the household, and they know their responsibilities.

If you’re worried, you could call Ofsted. It doesn’t mean making any sort of complaint; just ask for information about who they have on record as living there. That way, you know he has been declared, checked and made aware of the rules.

Btw, I’m curious why "reading horrible stories in the paper" would make you worried about your childminder's husband. Has he been involved or implicated in some5hing that made the papers?

It should say something in the paperwork. Your contract, policies you’ve read and signed etc. Check those first.