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Childcare

aupairs time off

8 replies

friendlyedjit · 23/07/2007 13:25

Wondered what you all did at weekends with your au pairs.
I realise that this is " their time" but if they are in the house during the weekend, joining in for meals, would it be much to expect all hands to the deck?
This is what usually happens in the families I know. Everyone chipping in to help clear table etc.
This is what we do during the week, we never leave her with all the clearing up. I do the cooking, and there will be an occasional pot ( as wash as go along).. which I have ended up washing. I run round like a blue arsed fly and she sits and eats during the week, but she does lift the odd plate and place it in the dishwasher.

I'm beginning to feel like a whinging wreck maybe the au pair thing isn't for us

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squiffy · 23/07/2007 15:47

Get yourself a sexy swedish babe au-pair and she'll be off at her boyfriend's every weekend.

When you want to scream just think of all the things that could be worse. One of my au-pairs used to hog the sofa munching through bowls of microwave popcorn and watching 'america's next top model', 'britains next top model', 'catwalk' etc etc. She knew that we didn't watch the TV ourselves normally so we couldn't even pretend we wanted to watch something else - we ended up more or less unable to use the main living room every evening because the inane tripe she watched made us want to scream (and she refused to use TV in her room as it wasn't big enough).....

I would just tell her that the rules are that her time is her own at the weekends, but if she chooses to spend it at the house then she must chip in with the general clearing up and so on. There's nothing she can say in argument against that... if she's lolling about whilst everyone else tidies up then she's taking the proverbial and needs pulling up on it..

friendlyedjit · 23/07/2007 19:08

Thank god- i was beginning to feel I was going mad and BU!

I gave her one extra task children were at playscheme today- asked her to empty 2 small cupboards and clean out. Got back at 6, and she'd been out all day and didn't have time!
I thought thats why she was here, because i didn't have time.
We have one week left within the 28 day time period to ask her to leave.
Here I am again.
What kind of expectation do they have?!

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Buffybye · 23/07/2007 20:24

OMG! Is this your first au pair? In which case learn from your mistakes and get another ASAP. In my experience you can rarely turn things around when they have got to this stage. We've tried weekly 'realignment meetings' (my DH's term) with our au pairs when things haven't been going well and only 1 out of 4 has changed. In your heart you know whether there is a chance or not.
Consider this if you will! If you 'dont have time' to go to the bank and get her cash so that you can pay her, do you think she'll be OK with that even though you both know she hasnt earnt her money? I doubt it!
she's not treating you or your family with any respect, so save yourself the hastle and get shut.
Then think about why it went wrong and prepare yourself for the next one. A friend of mine said that a good au pair makes you feel like you can not live without them. Sounds like you can not live with yours.

blueshoes · 24/07/2007 09:45

so your aupair goes out on weekdays and lounges around on weekends? How strange and inconvenient for you.

The incident about clearing cupboards is a bit of her taking the mick? Couldn't she have told you she could not do it that day as she was going out? Or did she suddenly organise an impromptu outing to avoid the task? If I suspected this, I would think she was workshy and look to get rid of her asap. Does she know she has to muck in if she stays in on weekends? What if you specifically asked her to wash the dishes? does she have a fixed schedule of tasks to do during the week and the time slots to do them in?

It has been less than a month. So she might not have made new friends yet. Does she go to language school or activities where she can build up a social circle?

Does she have any redeeming points? If not, might want to start casting around.

friendlyedjit · 25/07/2007 11:25

feeling much more in control today

Have done some foot stamping. My two cupboards got cleaned out yesterday, this was not particularly difficult, but it was an opportunity for her to see how pleased I was! (rather than feeling like I was becoming the stressed mother from hell). Hubbie also for once quietly asked her to get the washing under control, that was out of control as she had gone off on a day trip to town, and I had refused to break back trying to compensate as would do usually.
Had a tricky moment again at last night's meal time when realised i had run around like blue arsed fly again multitasking,and asked her to return back downstairs to clean grill pan while I washed children and got them to bed.
The grill pan has been my arch enemy recently as sometimes, I think I am the only one who knows its every surface contour!!

So although I don't think its entirely right am feeling more in control. So thank you. I will continue to update!!

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Mumpbump · 25/07/2007 11:44

Why not just have a chat with her and say that in your family, everyone is expected to muck in at weekends and as a quasi-member of your family, you'd appreciate it if she did the same. Our au pair was a bit like this tbh, until she got a boyf and then spent every weekend at his - bliss!!!

majorstress · 25/07/2007 11:56

Mine was like this plus had an eating disorder. I went mad running around doing even more housework than ever, until I ended up in hospital with a spinal injury. We had to get rid of her. Wish I had been stronger and clearer with her at the outset, but for us the AP thing wasn't suitable-house too small, not up to the fancy standard that they expect of London, too much workload on me recruiting and training. It just didn't take the load off enough.

friendlyedjit · 05/08/2007 19:16

Well she has started going out more at weekends, which am delighted about! Now I have a vision of what it might be like when my gals are older- and the using of the home like a hotel!!!
Just dropping in to make a packed lunch, or leave crumbs on table while eating copious amounts of toast!!!
Almost left the chicken out, whilst 3 hungry lion cats circled the table tonight..she still doesn't get it really but things have improved and I just need to work harder at being firm with what I expect i'm sure... but its jolly hard work

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