Nanny resigned- what to tell son?

[Newbie21]

Our amazing nanny had resigned. She has been with our family for 2 years. She is the first nanny we have ever hired from when our DS was 10 months old. He is now nearly 3. He loves her to pieces, she is part of the family. What are we going to tell him?

That Nanny has had to move to a new house and it's too far away to come to work for you any longer.

I was considering that but on Friday because she is actually moving to a new house but on Friday she took my son there and it's next door to her current house and my son went in both the houses.

Why has she resigned?

An acquaintance of her DH has moved to the area with his family - stay at home mum so her hours are less (6 hours a day 4 days a week, compared to our 12 hours for 3 days a week) and they have upped her salary and offered her a self employment arrangement (which I don't quite understand how). We can up the salary although not match it. We already pay 15 per cent over the average and are willing to take that to 20 per cent but it's still less than she is being offered so we can't really compete. I mentioned that we pay holiday, sick, maternity (should need arise) but they are offering a very large wage for less hours per day which appeals to her and I understand that.

Also they have a 4 year old and a baby. So security of long term work is likely a factor although she hasn't mentioned this as she is aware that I have had 3 MCs and started recurrent MC tests so probably doesn't want me to feel any word about all that than I already do.

Just say it’s time for her to go and help another family now, that it’s their turn to have her, and what a lucky family you have been to have her for more than two whole years!

It's just confusing that we will be getting another nanny to do the same job but I think we will have to say something like that and just hope he isn't too sad. I'm also worried it will mean he won't have play dates anymore with his best friends as their mummies have. Become friends with our nanny. I can't assume they will be friends with the next nanny. Oh well he is young and resilient and has friends at his nursery too I guess. I'm sure I'll find this harder than he will.

He will be upset but young children are remarkably resilient. I think you can just explain that she has decided to work for some other people, that she still loves him but this other job will be a easier for her and that you're going to find a lovely new nanny to look after him. I've always been quite pragmatic with mine and added that, whilst it was their choice and I would have kept the employee if they hadn't resigned, it gives us a chance to get a nanny more into X or who can accommodate nursery drop offs & pick ups etc.

Our children have had several nannies and au pairs. They adapt very quickly, they’re older now so understand that au pairs don’t stay long, but with our nannies when they were little we just said that they had to go and help another family who needed her more and they’ll still come and see you sometimes.

Why do you pay over the odds ?

3 day nanny job sounds lovely

Be honest. Day time for her to look after another family

Hopefully you will stay in touch

@Blondeshavemorefun we pay over the odds because the days are long - 7.30am to 7.30pm and our nanny moved from London (as did we) to Essex (so was used to London wages) and lives a 40min drive from our house. It was our first nanny for our first son so we wanted to secure the position and not face her leaving for a more local job 6months in plus she is a norland nanny so pay slightly higher. She's been amazing and worth every penny.

You sound a lovely employer

Hope you find a new nanny easily no

And children adapt

Awww, I'm sorry. That is the downside of nannies! I wouldn't lie, that won't help matters. Does he go to nursery at all? If so I would phrase it that she's going to look after a little baby who doesn't go to nursery yet, but he's big enough to go to nursery and make friends there. It sounds like things will end very amicably so maybe have a day out with your old nanny every few months so he doesn't feel abandoned?

He'll still be able to play with his friends! 3 is old enough for their mums to leave them for an hour or 2 if they feel awkward staying with your new nanny. But most mums manage to make small talk over a cup of coffee even with a stranger. They'll have an endless topic of conversation with the children there!

It’s difficult. Poor wee mite.

I wouldn’t say anything along the lines of ‘work for’ or ‘shorter days’. He’s at an age where he thinks his nanny just looks after him because she loves him and that’s nice, don’t spoil it.

Hopefully she’ll still visit & maybe babysit? Come for the weekend (paid) if you & DH want a weekend away etc.

The friends Mums have become friends with your nanny, that doesn’t often happen, most parents only want to be friends with the parents, not the ‘hired help’. Sad but true. So hopefully they’ll be open to becoming friends with your new nanny, but no, you can’t expect them to click as friends even so. However, the kids are old enough for independent play dates. It’s not quite the same, but it’s something.

But yes, it’ll be difficult for you to have someone new looking after him & doing things differently.

Personally, I’d be tempted to get a temporary nanny because I think your nanny’s new arrangement will be far from fabulous and she’ll be kicking herself for leaving 😖

Thanks so much for the advice ladies. This is so tough. We are interviewing this weekend so fingers crossed we find a new great nanny and that I am capable of not always measuring them up against the current nanny and can appreciate the differences.

Yes, as a nanny myself it really grates being told what a superstar/all round perfect person the last nanny was! Equally it's not pleasant if potential new families offload their annoyances about their old nanny, as you're very much aware that they'll go on to bitch about you behind your back too! So rather than 'Ellie was fantastic, she always unloaded the dishwasher!' or 'And if you could empty the dishwasher, Ellie was always forgetting...' I'd just go with a simple 'We'd like you to pop the dishwasher on after lunch and empty it at some point before you leave for the day'. Etc etc

Is your nanny hoping to keep in touch? When we had a change in nannies, the previous nanny introduced the new nanny to the toddler groups and welcomed her into her circle. They became good friends and my son still got to socialise with his friends.

@JaneEyreAgain I suppose depending on the nanny we end up hiring will determine whether they become friends. Part of the issue is that our current nanny moved from London to Essex at the same time we did so she hasn't really had a nanny network and there are not many nanny's where we are so she tends to be friends with mums who go to the groups and mums are not as good as befriending a new nanny as it's more a genuine friendship they they have with our current nanny.