Au pair tips

[Gusthetheatrecat]

We are looking forward to the arrival of our ninth au pair, and I was thinking back to when we started, and thinking about the experience we've gained, and I suddenly thought I might start an 'au pair tips' thread, to collect together a few handy things in one place. When we were first looking for an au pair I would have LOVED to find a thread of tips. So here goes...

• Go with your gut! If you get the feeling from a Skype chat that it's not going to work, or if you get a 'funny vibe' early on, then my experience, as per other threads here, is that you're probably right and it's not going to work out.
• We make a little 'welcome pack' for our new au pairs and put it in their room. I go and choose it with my girls, and we normally include some chocolate, a magazine, some lip balm, shampoo, and other little bits and pieces.
• I also get the girls to make and colour in a big 'WELCOME ' sign which we stick on the window on arrival day. All of the new au pairs have loved to see it, and some have kept it up in their room whilst they've been with us.
• I recently bought a big stack of second hand guide books to London which I am going to put on the bookcase for all our future au pairs to use. Before that I would often buy them a guidebook in their home language.
• With most of our au pairs, especially those who are from smaller towns, I make sure I block out time in the first week to take them into central London on the tube. I get them a tube map, and talk them through how to read the lines / how to change stations etc. A couple haven't needed this, but most have been grateful!
• I have learnt the hard way to be very clear and direct. Partly because of lack of language skills. Partly because prevarication is just very British and not understood. So a quick, friendly, "In the mornings, please can you relaod the dishwasher after breakfast?" is better than me muttering under my breath whilst I reload it every day for six months.
• Most of our au pairs have really liked having photos of themselves with the girls. I think they like to send them to their friends! I try to take a few for them and whatsapp them over, which they seem to appreciate.

Does anyone have any more?

great tips! we're currently looking for au pair no 3 just for the summer holidays this time. we've had great experiences with the first two so fingers crossed for this next one.

my top tip is similar to one of the op's... be clear from the outset. I saw on here, before out first, to do a handbook. mine has a welcome letter, timetable, expectations/house admin and helpful information on the area.

I also try to view them as a younger sister or niece so I don't mother them but try to look out for them and check in with them regularly.

We're on #4, but about to start looking for #5

I've found a weekly plan on whiteboard really helps for what pick ups/drop offs to expect, if friends are coming home, if there are music lessons etc and what nights we want babysitting. It's much easier for au pairs to remember than you just saying it, especially if their English isn't so good.

I also added meals to the weekly plan after basically failing to get the first three APs to cook (despite telling them they were expected to cook for kids when we interviewed) and then letting that go on so long that I felt too awkward to demand it. As you can tell, I am not very assertive at this lark.

Be honest about what kind of hosts you are. We have liked having slightly older au pairs who have their own social life, rather than being 'you'll be part of the family' type hosts, so we ask potential APs if they have friends/family in London as we honestly don't think we'd be very good at being hosts to someone who needed us to be very involved with them.

We prefer APs who have experience of living away from parents - the one we had who hadn't was really clueless about chores

Every AP will have one or two things they're less good at (some might need more prompting to do things, some won't be the best at washing up etc) but as long as they are basically reliable and honest, one can usually let those weaknesses go

I'd agree with being absolutely specific even if it means asking them every day to do the same thing.

My advice is don't be a martyr, seethe silently & re-do it yourself. Be clear even if it means repeating yourself daily. Whilst they are part of the family, we are also paying them for a service here!

With my very first au pair, I gave her a list at the beginning and asked her to do this every day which included feeding DS & cleaning up afterwards. Every day without fail she would feed him but then leave the plate on the table, food all over the floor and go back to her room. So I would remind her every day to clean up after he had finished.

She also had expensive drinking habits (2 cans of Red Bull every day which is the same cost as buying 2 bottles of beer every day). I bought some the first week but when I saw how quickly she went through them I set expectations that I don't mind occasionally buying "treat food" but if it was regularly and specifically for her rather than shared family food then she would need to buy it.

Agree about not being a martyr!
Also agree about the 'as long as they are basically reliable and honest' point. For me, if they keep the girls safe, and are pretty good with them, then i can let a lot of other stuff slide.

We also recruit au pairs who have lived away from home before. Have had a couple who hadn't - one who didn't work out and had to go back, another who did stay, but had bouts of terrible homesickness. We paid for a trip home for the weekend for the latter, as a thank you, but also because she was obviously missing her family so much.

I also print out a map of the local area, and mark on important places. I also write an au pair guide which includes a sample week, and make sure I email this over to the au pair before they arrive. I do this partly so that they can pore over it, and look up any unfamiliar words... but also because I want to make absolutely sure that they arrive with realistic expectations about timetable, and not end up with someone who is traumatised by the idea of helping with breakfast most mornings at 7.30am!

Thank you for these tips - we are beginning to consider getting an au pair and I have some basic questions ... if you would be happy to pm me with a copy of your au pair booklet thing (with personal details removed obvs) I’d be really keen to see it!

Food - Do you eat all together? Do you just include their food in the weekly shop?

Chores - we are thinking after school childcare 4 days pw and babysitting 1 weekend night maybe twice a month. Kids are 5 and 7... I guess we’d expect general help with tidying up but not cleaning. Help with laundry would be good. Does that sound reasonable? What about cooking?

Weekends/Holidays/Evenings - do we need to offer to take them with us if we go out for the day or go on holiday? What about hanging out in the evenings? I really enjoy our own time as a family or watching crap on tv at night, so am nervous about having someone else around all the time. I am happy to be anti-social and switch off but don’t know how rude that would seem.

I also worry about being judged by the au pair!! Would they think we were weird or crazy or shouty or bad parents or unclean or boring or strange or unfriendly? I don’t think we are any of those things but I hate the thought of them reporting back to their parents or friends about us being odd... I would want to be a family they love and it worries me we wouldn’t achieve that

Anyway, more tips v v welcome!

Recruit aupairs with younger siblings - that way they are used to crazy 3 year olds running round the house whilst wearing pants on their head and other toddler antics.

Before you start recruiting searching au pair world

1. have a look at other host family profiles to get an idea of what to write

2. have a think about what level of spoken English you want/need. We had a lovely aupair but communicating via Google translate was a challenge,since then we have only hosted aupairs who speak excellent English (they just want to have a few month abroad and work on their fluency)

3. consider if the aupair needs to drive, older aupairs are cheaper to insure

4. figure out what type of person would fit into your family! Do you (and your dc) need someone calm or energetic, do you need someone quiet or loud, etc. are you looking for someone outdoorsy or more city based?

5. we now write quite a long detailed profile, explaining accommodation offered, duties required, personality we are searching for, daily life, etc. That way were not wasting as much time emailing with people who are looking for something else

6. ask about food allergies/vegetarian/religious restrictions. It can be difficult (and more expensive) catering for someone who doesn't eat the food you normally buy.

Go with your gut, have a couple of Skype interviews before you decide.

Remember that you are getting an aupair to make your life easier, if they are causing more problems than they are helping then have a very clear chat about what they need to be doing

We also have a welcome folder, it contains a list of house rules, phone numbers, a local map, train and bus timetables,a copy of their contract, the name of the local aupair Facebook page, Wi-Fi password, etc

@IronLion Food - we all eat dinner together. some aupairs join us for vreakfast, some dont. I'm always home to cook dinner but if you want au pair to cook (and help with tidying and laundry) id suggest getting someone who has previously lived out of their family home and is used to doing these things.

Weekends our au pairs have off, they normally spend it exploring the area or hanging out with friends . days out we sometimes invite them,sometimes we just have family time. Holidays we don't take them along but will give them paid time off. Evenings - you could write something in your house rules that you want quiet family time in the evening but make this clear in your advert and also make sure the at pair has a tv/good internet access in their room.

We're just about to get our 2nd au pair and although it went brilliantly with the first, I'm now worried that she spoiled us as she was great! What kind of house rules do you have?

We had things that applied to us all - no shoes, food or drink upstairs (other than water) and no one visiting without asking first (and no over-nighters) & clear up after yourself. Are there any other rules that you think are worth noting?