AIBU - is this too much to ask of an au pair?

[bigfatpants]

First question - is it acceptable for an au pair to have a single room rather than a double?

Secondly, au pair duties would be to be present after school and to help with homework. Child is aged 12. The only issue is that my child has huge school anxiety so there will be occasions where my child will be at home for the whole day and will need the au pair to be there too. This is often once per week but is at short notice. I would propose to pay the au pair extra on those days. Is this unreasonable?

Everyone has a right to have a second job outside of their contracted hours,

^ this isn't true

Getting multiple jobs is definitely not the idea behind an au pair arrangement. The one time we agreed to this it totally took over and the au pair had no time for things like family gatherings days out etc.

I think you will struggle to recruit because frankly most APs want the usual gig- bit of time in the morning and a few hours in the afternoon with primary school aged kids. Arrangements that fall outside of that tend to also attract an unconventional bunch whose expectations may also be harder to manage. I do think you will find people who want to be able to work.

12 yr old should manage their homework on their own. Maybe the AP could help with language homework if they also speak it but that's a big if. I also went through a period of recruiting for a niche skill and that was a bad idea.

I think it is really also possible if you do find someone they could do and say things that make managing the school refuser angle harder. They are not always the most sensitive of people and your really have to look into whether their awareness of and sympathy for mental health issues matched expectations here. Even a professional nanny might need some guidance on that.

Have you tried that outfit Koru Kids? I don't know if you are in London.

We are in a similarly difficult transitional stage of childcare.

I would try a childminder for the pick up and collection and explain your requirements. You might get lucky. Also I think you'd be much better off with another proper grown up about.

Trouble with a childminder is that it's based at their house and they have other kids, usually much younger. It's not really suitable for secondary age.

Single room is OK, that's what we offer. It's put off one or two candidates, but we are always upfront about it.

Child situation I think is potentially OK if you are upfront about it - some may accept it, some may not. I have heard of au pairs being unhappy when they have not been informed that kids have special needs. I always inform au pairs that our daughter has very occasional seizures but that these are very rare and require no day-to-day care needs.

Op I came to the UK for the first time when I was 19, signed on as an au pair and the family told me the daughter has anxiety issues. I was okay with it in theory. In practice it was awful- far too much pressure, even though English is my first language and I am fairly hardy. It wasn't fair to me as her issues were severe and really she needed professional help!