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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Neglectful Au Pair advice

21 replies

Dhay8602 · 27/03/2019 20:14

Hello

I'm in a panic and I'm not really sure what to do. My dad is away for two weeks for work and the Au Pair has been looking after the kids- ages 7 and 3 (I'm 20 years older).

She's been with us for almost a year and her older sister was with us for the two years prior so my dad trusts her.

I've been coming in after work every day to do their dinners, homework, entertainment and bed time and then I leave around 10pm to go back to my own family. She gets them ready for school and takes them and has the day to relax. My dad has paid her double while he's away because she will be taking on extra responsibilities.

Every time I come home the kids are playing in their bedroom by themselves and she's in her room with the door closed and music on. Okay fine they're playing anyway so no problem. When I got in today one of them had wet the bed last night and she hadn't changed the sheets this morning. She hadn't even told me he had wet the bed and even worse she put him back in his wee stained pyjamas that he wore last night. There's no way she could have not known I could smell it as soon as I walked through the door.

On Monday I signed some important forms that needed handing back to the school reception. I asked her to drop them at reception but I've just found them under the sofa. These were forms about speech therapy and counselling. My brother's lost their mum after the youngest was born so it's really important stuff. The oldest needs a lot of extra support.

On top of that the 7 year old tells me just as I put him to bed that she told him to pass the message to me that she hasn't washed their clothes so the youngest might not have anything to wear tomorrow. She didn't tell me this herself when I came in and asked her about the day. When I asked her just now she said that she forgot but I don't understand why she couldn't have done it when she told my brother to pass the message to me. She is being paid extra for those duties!

I really don't want to leave them with this woman. I don't know what to do I don't work in a place where I can get the time off. Are my brothers safe or do I need to sacrifice my job??

OP posts:

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wigglypiggly · 27/03/2019 20:19

Can they stay with you instead, could you take emergency annual ,eave, ask your manager and tell them what's happened. I would call your dad a d explain you dont think they are being cared for properly a d 2hat does he want to do. Alternatively can you stay overnight at their house.

Auntieaunt · 27/03/2019 20:23

Don't leave them and as pp said ask if you can take annual leave. Do you have any family friends who do the same school run who could possibly watch over them after school as it's emergency? Could your dad and his trio early or do you have any other family nearby?

PCohle · 27/03/2019 20:24

I appreciate your dad is paying her double, but this is way, way too much responsibility for an au pair.

Letting a child sleep in soiled clothes / bedding is awful. Leaving the kids totally unsupervised whilst she plays music in another room would also really worry me.

Ultimately though this is your father's responsibility. I would explain that you are concerned for your brothers' safety and ask him to come home ASAP.

Original poster

Dhay8602 · 27/03/2019 20:29

I'm going to call my manager tomorrow and ask if there's any possibility of any leave but theyve turned actually mother's down annual leave for family emergencies in the past. I don't want to panic my dad into coming home early and missing on a really big promotion opportunity but I might have to.

My sister lives in Leeds she's going to come down at the weekend. I've spoke with her she's going to try and get some time off too and come down by train.

OP posts:

MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet · 27/03/2019 20:32

I don't know if money is a problem, but nanny agencies can often organise emergency childcare at short notice. My company offers me 6 days a year of free nanny childcare for emergencies - check if yours/your dad's would?

TheInvestigator · 27/03/2019 20:32

Eh... have you confronted the au pair properly?

She agreed to the extra duties and extra pay. And knows she needs to do it, so what conversation have you had with her?

anniehm · 27/03/2019 20:36

If you can stay over I suspect she will be ok during the day as that's her normal duties.

Smoggle · 27/03/2019 20:49

Au pairs do about 5 hours a day of chores and babysitting - 2 weeks sole charge of a 3 year old is way, way more responsibility than is appropriate.

Loopytiles · 27/03/2019 20:53

I wouldn’t trust her and wouldn’t want the DC with her at all any more. Think you should tell your Dad everything, and suggest that he arranges alternative childcare, eg emergency nanny agency, or comes home early.

Loopytiles · 27/03/2019 20:54

Your siblings’ childcare -!wellbeing and safety - is more important than your dad’s job.

nespressowoo · 27/03/2019 20:57

Your poor brothers take them back to yours and call your dad. Please. They need him.

wigglypiggly · 27/03/2019 21:08

Do call your dad, the au pair is not a full time live in nanny, it's not fair on anyone especially the boys and the au pair shouldn't have agreed to take this on really.

Rtmhwales · 27/03/2019 21:16

How old is the au pair?

She agreed to the extra responsibilities with your father and accepted the extra payment so presumably she was okay with it. It's a temporary two week thing, and the OP is coming in in the evenings already. She should be able to manage a couple of boys without letting them run out of clean clothes and sleeping in soiled PJs. A thirteen year old could sort that out.

PCohle · 27/03/2019 21:24

Most au pairs only get about £100 a week. So even at double pay she's only getting about £200 a week to be in almost sole charge of two kids. It's far too much responsibility for an au pair.

I don't really think just talking to her is an option at this stage. Someone who thinks leaving a child in urine soaked bed is ok isn't someone I would ever feel comfortable leaving alone with children again. It shows a total lack of judgment.

Original poster

Dhay8602 · 27/03/2019 21:38

She's not solely in charge of them. She wakes them up and takes them to school. Before I leave in the evening I iron their clothes and get the table ready. She spends the day at home doing whatever she wants and picks them up at 3:30. I get there at 4. She agreed to it with my dad and my dad trusted her. Her older sister came and brought the youngest up from being a baby after their mum died. Her total working hours per day are no more than three. We're not asking her to cook or clean with the exception of pouring cereal for breakfast. Only to put the washing on every other day so that I can dry it when I get in. If it was too much she should have said my dad never would have left or have even asked if he didn't think she would be happy or capable.

I'm staying there the night. I'm not going into work tomorrow and I'll take them to school. My sister has agreed to come tomorrow night and will be there until Sunday. My dad will be returning early on Sunday so we've sorted it out. Thank you everyone for your help and support.

OP posts:

wigglypiggly · 27/03/2019 22:35

Glad you've got it sorted.

originallyfromLA · 27/03/2019 22:56

Well done OP

PCohle · 27/03/2019 22:58

I'm glad you've got a plan worked out.

The au pair has been in sole charge over night though, is that right? I think the level of responsibility that entails is really only appropriate for a live in nanny.

TheInvestigator · 28/03/2019 07:55

I hope she feels ashamed. I don't care how limited au pair duties are supposed to be, there just isn't an excuse for putting a child into urine soaked clothes. Even I was working as a cook in someone's house, I wouldn't let that happen. It's nothing to do with saying "not my job", you just don't leave a child like that.

roses2 · 28/03/2019 12:02

I have had four au pairs and quite honestly I don't think any of them would have been as neglegtful as this. They are all capable of putting the washing machine on and putting the kids to bed.

As you have been around every evening there is even less of an excuse for the au pair to act in this way.

Are you able to get rid of her and hire a new au pair? Mine have all been age 24+.

underneaththeash · 29/03/2019 08:40

I also think you need a new au pair. Way too many red flags.

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