Sadness at Au Pair departure

[CarrieDS]

We have had a wonderful live-in Au Pair for the last 9 months and she went home to Australia yesterday.
We knew the date was coming for a while - she is going back home to study - and I was dreading it. But even I am quite overwhelmed by how upset I am. Every time I think about all she has done for us, how amazing she was with our baby daughter... and I see her empty room, I ball my eyes out!
My head knows it's not completely rational. Nobody has died, and she obviously couldn't stay forever! But I am genuinely v miserable about her leaving.
I think it's because she has been beyond fantastic with our kids, playing games, singing songs, baking cakes. They laughed with her and clearly adored her. Our baby daughter learnt to walk while she was here, and I feel they have all been helped in their development by her. It felt like she had genuine affection for them, it seemed as though she adored our baby girl especially indeed and they were always giggling together. Also I work from home, so I guess I have been around her daily all this time and have seen their relationships blossom first hand. Partly it could be because I have grown to depend on her, and I am worried about the next few weeks without her and then with a new Au pair. I am anxious because while I know the new Au Pair can't really be as fantastic (I think it's unlikely) I am worried she won't be good/ nice etc.
I think also because Australia is so far away, I feel like we may not see her again at least, maybe not for years. I hope she may come back to us between her studies but nothing is certain and I feel her loss keenly. I know she has to get on with her life, I guess I feel like we're being left behind and I know.... this is all a bit mental. Just feel like there's a gaping hole where her presence has been these last 9 months.
My eldest 2 have said they miss her and seemed upset when she left. One has written her a letter "hope you had a good flight" but they seem fine really. Our baby I'm not sure being so little if she'll notice exactly the same way.
I may well feel better in a few days. I just felt like writing it all down! :(

If you haven't already it might help you to tell her all the specifics of how much you valued her, just as you have here.

It would be really nice if you to write that in a personal reference for her which she could use if she wants to.

Thank you. Yes, I wrote her a card when she left saying how much we appreciated her care and kindness etc. and how much we would all miss her. I also gave her a photo book of photos with captions from her time with us and drawings/ hand prints by the kids. And I told her I would miss her.
I'm not planning on telling her just how upset I am, as I feel a bit silly and I worry it could only make her feel sad!
I think she will miss us, especially our kids and most especially our baby girl who she spent much of her days with.... she did a good job of hiding it when she left however. But then, so did I until she was gone.

I don't want her to feel sad like me but equally hope she misses us a bit :(
Ahh well.

I am certain she does. It's really hard to have such a good situation end.

It's lovely that you had that, even though it's over. I think it's a sign that you are a good host family, which obviously increases the likelihood of forming a good relationship with future au pairs.

I've mostly been very lucky with our au pairs, my favourite one stayed in the city after he left us and eventually ended up working in the same company as DH (he had interned there for a few months while still au pairing for us to improve his business English because that was letting him down in interviews). He still comes to see us on birthdays and for the occasional Sunday lunch, and the DC see him if they go into the office with DH.

It's great that you had such a good experience, our 7/8th?? left on Friday and she's been lovely and we'll miss her as well....although she's only moved a few miles away. The new one also seems very nice too.

We have kept in touch with most of ours too and they visit from time to time - although we haven't seen our Australian au pair yet, but she only left a year or so ago.

Our favourite AP kept in contact we have visited and now 10 years later who has her own baby. DD was just turning 5 when she was with us as an 18 year old. We joke that DD will be 18 when her DD is 5 and going to school and DD will go to France for a year.
With right au pair you build a life long friendship, one of my friends at 50 is still in contact with the Spanish AP the family had when she was 12.

Thank you all for the kind words. It's a week on now. I do feel better of course, it really affected me when she left. I really didn't expect it to. Lovely to hear you have kept in touch with yours too.

Our new Au Pair has started and she is very nice, although so far a little quiet & anxious perhaps. I'm trying to not compare them, especially as she is so new. I do really miss the last one, wish she could have stayed a bit longer.

Thank you all again.
C.

aw how lovely that you had such a fantastic bond!

I was an au pair in Australia (from England) for a year when I was 23 for two kids 3 and 5. I got on so well with the whole family. The mum and I became wonderful friends we'd go out for dinner, the cinema, cocktails! I was so sad when I left and I know the mum was too! Like you I felt we may not see each other again because of the distance and more than that- the expense of flying back to Aus!

Perhaps in a few years you could all do a family trip there? Or if its too expensive for her to fly back to visit you, you could maybe offer to go 50/50 since you'd love to see her as much as you'd like to see them? That's what my old host family did and 4 years later I went back and stayed with them for a week and then visited some other friends I made whilst living in Aus for 2 weeks.