DD not settling in nursery

[spekulatius]

DD is 3 and as been going to nursery since January, 3 data week, although she has missed some days. She makes the saddest little face every time we drop her off and according to the staff is upset 'on and off'. We watch her through the window when we pick her up and she often stays right close to the teacher and is rarely engaged in play. On the days she is not going she talks about nursery all the time, saying things like 'No nursery today, I finished nursery, and no work for mummy and no nursery for me' . She constantly needs to be reassured that she will not go to nursery. She's also had 3 toilet accidents, she never has accidents with us to the point that I don't take spare clothes. I have arranged to speak to her key worker but I really feel like looking for something else. We have no previous experience with nurseries, our older daughter went to a childminder and loved it there, she often asks now if she can go there. Unfortunately she stopped childminding. Any thoughts?

My advice would be to trust your instincts.

Has there been any improvement as the weeks have gone on? If no, then I'd be looking for other options.

I persevered with a CM for DD (who was only around 12m) for 8 months. She had come highly recommended but it just didn't work out and DD didn't settle. I feel appalling now for how long I kept putting her through it.

We stopped the CM at the end of August, had a month without childcare then I started DD at a nursery in October. Although she is still a little sad when I drop her off, she has a nice time there and when I pick her up she shows me the nursery toys and walks around as though she owns the place and she's happy and chatty in the car on the way home. She used to be silent when I picked her up from the CM.

If she's not happy while she's there either, then I would look at other settings. Some places just don't work for some children. Not because they're bad, just because it's not the right place for that child.

Is she happy without you when she's with family or friends ?

She doesn't like it, she's telling you she doesn't like it. Find somewhere else. Your local authority will have a list of registered childminders for starter's.

We had this with DS. He hated nursery. It was the same one DD had gone to, she had loved it, we'd loved it but he never settled properly. We were going to look for something new then ended up Moving area fairly quickly due to DHs job. DS then went to a childminder who he loved and stayed with right up until starting school.

I would think about looking for a different setting for her.

I've asked for a meeting with her key worker, I'm waiting for a phone call. I know that she is very young and new to the nursery, she might not have much experience but there should be others there to support her. DD Is not as confident as she used to be since starting nursery, she wants to hold my hand even in the park, she wasn't like that before. She is happy staying at a friends house without me being there and she's had sleepovers with her older sister.
I guess I'm a bit disappointed, the nursery seemed perfect, no plastic, only natural toys and materials, forest school once a week, they walk to a local fruit and veg shop to buy there snacks. When we did settling in and I stayed I thought that staff were very observant and aware of the children's needs, there seemed to be enough staff........

The fact that she's not as confident as she was would worry me too. Is it possible she feels bullied by one of the older children?
I hope you and the key worker sort it out.

The key worker being young might be fine. Just listen to what she says and if she has any ideas.

Good luck.