Nanny bringing own child?

[ReaganSomerset]

I'm meeting a prospective nanny who would like to bring her own child along every day when she comes to work. My DD will be a year old, hers is a few months younger. I like the idea of the girls growing up together, but I'm not sure how it would work in practice. Does anyone have experience of this set up? Can it work? Or should I search for a traditional nanny set up instead?

I’d expect it to be cheaper as she’s spending part of her time looking after her own child and isn’t 100% focused on your child.

It is relatively inexpensive as nannying fees go, £10/hour gross.

I would never do this, honestly. Your child will always come second.

Also, the nanny will essentially be paid to raise her child in your home, using your child’s toys, feeding her child your child’s food, using your child’ nappies. You’ll find your child will miraculously start napping at times that suit her child better than yours. It’s only natural.

Have you thought about a double buggy? Two cots? Two car seats? What about when her child is unwell? Play dates? Baby classes? Looking after both kids at the playground? Will both children be sleeping through the night? What if your child just doesn’t want to be with another child all the time?

Being in sole charge of twin babies and toddlers is completely different from dealing with singletons.

I wouldn't do it, based on the two examples I have seen. The mothers always priorities their own. I think it might work if there is a decent age gap, eg two years.

I work as a nanny and take my daughter with me. I make a point of prioritising the children I work for over my daughter during work hours. She is much younger so 99% of activities are tailored for the older children.
I also do not charge less as I'm still doing exactly the same work.
I would just make it clear on your expectations, if they feel they cannot complete house work or some such due to her bring her child then it's time to negotiate a lower price.
Perhaps try a longer probation period so you all have time to see how it works out?
You can but try, make your expectations clear and voice your worries at interview. Perhaps their answer will set you at ease?

Have you thought about a double buggy? Two cots? Two car seats? What about when her child is unwell? Play dates? Baby classes?

It's a good point, and I have considered that. I'm curious to see if my prospective nanny has. I think it would probably work better if the children in question were older. The cots/highchairs/buggy thing makes it trickier. Thanks for your viewpoint.

@iSiTbEdTiMeYeT1 thanks for sharing your experience. I think I've nothing to lose by going along and asking her but I'd rather not start with her as a nanny if there are serious concerns still afterwards to save on disruption if it's not working out.

Double check what the rules/ expectations will be when either child is ill . ive had a nsnny refuse to come in, incase her child caught whatever my kids have. Also will they be going to the same primary school

I doubt they'd be going to the same primary school as we aren't in the same catchment areas.

I wouldn’t be happy with this. Your child will always come second.

How do pp know the own child will come second? I used to take my own child when I was a nanny and I can assure you all the child were treated as equal as I was a professional nanny!
I never ate their food (not even my lunch) I always took our own food - even breakfast! I did take £1 net under the going rate and I had spare car seats etc. Mine was a few months younger and they would both nap at the same time but that was normal for their age (just after lunch)
I'd say have a trial with her and see how it goes! She could be the best nanny you have. You could get a nanny without their own child and she could be shit!

I did this and it's worked really well, my child has a playmate and they are close friends (they do fight too), the nanny if anything puts my child over her own, she's got a strong mothering instinct of course, she's very experienced. She provided her own double buggy. If my child is unwell, she still comes. If her child is unwell, she'll get someone else to care for them if possible. She's extremely reliable and conscientious.

The nanny will have a bit less time to do other tasks e.g. takes twice as long to get two children to nap, and her attention is split, so I do think it's fair to do a slightly discounted rate.

If you are very precious over things like what activities you want them to do especially if they are very expensive or need one-on-one adult attention (e.g. some swimming classes require 1 adult per baby), if your daughter needs taking to lots of medical appointments etc, or if you want her to use nap times to do lots of housekeeping work, then maybe think again.

Ultimately it comes down to the individual. You can get great nannies and shit nannies, whether or not they have their own children they bring to work. My friend's childless, young nanny went raving at the weekends and quite probably taking drugs etc.

Thank you @hardyloveit and @nanbread for sharing your experiences. You've given me some hope that it might actually work (and some clues about questions to ask). You sound like lovely nannies. I do feel like having a playmate may be good for DD and the nanny's attention won't be spread as thinly as a childminder's or nursery worker's would be. I wouldn't need her to attend expensive classes or medical appointments either.

Any further advice about questions to ask at the meeting?

I get what some people say but I also
Think it could be a good idea.
For one you're helping out another, who wants to work and earn
Money for her family. Which is hard in this day and age to get a job with a young child.
I think try it out, see how it works.
If she is right for the job and a great person you shouldn't let it stop
You.
Ask her how she plans on getting them
Both about?
Maybe she has a double buggy?

Don't say no yet, see how she interviews.
Good luck x

No
I would absolutely avoid
My nanny has two children. I have said that during holidays if she’s stuck she can bring.
She’s never been stuck and never had to bring and I’m relieved
I like her focus being on my children alone

For a young baby I'd want one on one care but by 1 I think it's nice for them to have a friend and yours and hers are close in age.

It would be worth asking how she thinks it will impact her role, but remember that lots of nannies look after 3+ children so are used to addressing needs of many. I would check they've had experience of a family with at least two children at home (ie not school age).

Definitely check references out v closely too and trust your gut. I didn't the first time and I never felt comfortable with our first nanny.

Other things you'll need to do are agree if she takes your child to an activity that she will need to pay for her own child to participate, and how you'll do food. We have a loose arrangement that her DC eats meals with ours but she will bring food and snacks for them all so contributes too.

Other than that I'd ask the usual nanny questions and think about what you want them to do.

Having had a few bad experiences with nannies who had no children (especially one who lied to us and acted extremely irresponsibly) I would choose one with their own child every time, whether or not they bring them. I think they have a better understanding of the challenges of parenting which is useful.

The only hard thing to swallow is that after paying our childcare bill, I earn a lot less than the nanny does!

Thank you @nanabread and everyone else who responded, this was very useful. We had a lovely meeting with the nanny and, providing references are OK, I think we'll go ahead. She gave very good responses and really put me at ease.

We ve had this really not work out. It's natural for anyone to favour their own child I think.

My nanny has two kids same age as mine and she’s awesome. School holidays are a blast for all 4 and the youngest two have grown up together. One of my nanny reservations was actually the potential lack of socialisation, so this helps that aspect for me. I don’t want a housekeeper, just excellent childcare so it’s worked well for us.

@blackteasplease

What happened in your case that didn't work out?

Our nanny has been with us since her baby was 4/5months and my youngest was a year. It’s been absolutely fine, and I have an older child (she was 3.9 when the nanny started) who was around too. It’s worked out very well for us - we couldn’t really afford sole charge normally.. our nanny is absolutely amazing and doesn’t prioritise her child over ours, the youngest have grown up together and really love each other, etc. Our nanny sorted a double buggy but initially we thought it was a short term arrangement so might be different otherwise. Also, I did know her already as she had been a close friend’s nanny a while back, I knew she was professional and experienced etc.

I honesty don’t have any issues with how it’s planned out, I get all the benefits of sole charge with most of the benefits of nanny share but none of the drawbacks ie having to split between two houses etc.. depends on the nanny but if you like her I wouldn’t necessarily be put off

My child has come to work with me in various families since she was 4 months old. She loves the children I care for and they complain when I turn up without her. I have always made an effort to treat all the children fairly and not prioritise my own and it has worked very well, for us and my employers.

I take a 10-20% pay cut to account for the time (about half my working hours) she is with me, although my current employers choose to pay me more generously. My contracts have made it clear that I am responsible for equipment enabling my daughter to come with me (and I would always have assumed it to be the case). I purchased a double buggy and even a people carrier vehicle to enable me to undertake my work effectively. In practice the parents I nanny for have offered use of spare high chairs and travel cost as easier for them.

My DD’s naptime slotted in with what was going on and I adapted accordingly, even at home. Same with snacks. I have always asked for, and been gladly given, meals at work as a perk, but I would often share food from home too.

You need to be clear about food provision, who pays for activities and outings (i pay for my daughter’s entry fees and food, work pay (within reason with food) for me. I only take half mileage if it is an activity/outing I would have taken my daughter to on a day off).

The payroll company for one family also put in a clause about my employer being able to rescind my right to take my daughter with 4 weeks notice at any point and I asked for it to be added to my next family’s contract. Neither have used it which I guess mean it is an arrangement that is working well for all of us.

Growing up my parents had a nanny who brought her child with her. He was my sister's best friend and it worked very well. However, she scaled back her hours significantly after he was born and my parents knew and trusted her (and employed her) long before her son was born and so really they were continuing the arrangement, not entering into an arrangement with her child initially.

I guess what I'm trying to say is it worked for us. We have many happy memories of both of them and her daughter (came along a few years later so she never worked with both of them!) is going to be my bridesmaid - we love them to bits!

Our nanny when I was a child brought her DCs. One became my DBs best friend. Worked fine for us and it was cheaper for my DPs.

My children and hers are older than yours. Don't want to say to much in case she is a mnetter! But I think favouring him when the kids had disputes, allowing her son to boss mine arou nd and "bully" him for want of a better word. My son is younger than hers and hers used things like "I won't play with you if you don't xyz" which I heard when working upstairs and went completely unchecked. My sensible dd (eldest of the three) also made similar reports. Her son was quite sly and this was all allowed, whereas if my son got upset this was "naughty"

She would.also bring him junk food to eat while mine had their "proper" dinners, which my quite fussy son would have preferred but obviously I didn't want him to have.

It's a shame that people have had bad experiences and I hope this doesn't put you off. I think in those cases, it's unfair to say 'never again' as no two nannies are the same. You can have an amazing nanny who brings their own child and terrible ones. But the same goes for nannies who do not bring their own child. I know fantastic nannies and terrible ones.
I know a few nannies who take their own children along and for the ones I know, the arrangement works brilliantly. And they most definitely favour their nanny child over their own.. as that is what they are paid for. They aren't paid to look after their own child.