Upset with my nanny friend feeding her kids crap!

[FairyOnTheChristmasTree]

Am I being unreasonable?
My friend who is a nanny to a 2 year old boy is buying him a cone of chips or a pasty from the bakery every single day for lunch because she can't be bothered making him anything. I know her boss would be really angry as she pays her loads and is very lenient but firm, a lovely lady really and I think my friend is really pushing it. I have threatened to tell the boys mum if it carries on. Surely this stuff every single day can't be doing him any good at all? I'm so mad with her right now for neglecting her duties as a nanny especially as it is a fantastic little job she has with nice parents and the sweetest little boy.
FWIW, the little boy has a speech problem, he can't string sentences together so he can't tell him parents what he's had for dinner.

PS: apart from the lack of nutrients, there is also the massive amount of salt in those things, to be considered. Assuming he is not a very large toddler, he could be getting way more than the recommended max amount every single day.

She's a crap nanny. Feeding a two year old is the easiest thing in the world and if she can't be bothered to do that, then she's a waste of space. And probably an expensive waste of space. That said, tricky as a friend to know what to do. I couldn't stand to know her personally because unprofessional people irritate me.

umm- it's not abuse -as any victim of abuse would know, but the misuse of that word is another thread!
lying to one's employer and not being bothered to prepare a sandwich when it is one of your specified duties is ignorant and deserves a severe rollicking. i do think though that it is symptomatic of a whole sections of society who are ill educated about food and a little education plus a strong word about respect and her job being in question might sort it out.
my children have been to the chip shop and the sweet shop today, but yesterday was organic chicken and salad - balance is key and all those mums being ultra strict will find teenagers rebelling hugely [can you tell i'm the child of lentil weavers?]

FGS how hard is it to make a ham/cheese sandwich, chop an apple up and plonk a yoghurt on the table? bingo, lunch.

this is exactly why I don't have a nanny tbh, I appreciate there are some great ones but it would be just my luck to end up with the sausage roll giving one

She's a disgrace. That's for sure. What does she say when you threaten to tell?

ummm - abuse means ill-treatment. Which this arguably is. Speaking as a veteran of experiences which you would certainly term abusive.

ok lets say i'm on the arguably it's not side then! it's specifically a crap situation for this child because this nanny needs more training at the very least, but taken in the context of mistreatment of children it doesn't rate very high does it?

In the spectrum of awfulness that an adult can do to a child, it's not that bad.

But to an employer paying good money for their child to be looked after, it's totally out of order. It's lazy, careless, mean and 100% shabby. She doesn't deserve a job. She doesn't deserve her employer's trust and she should go and work in a chip shop if she likes them so darned much.

That depends on your perspective I suppose. I think pissing about with definitions of terms like "abuse" is dangerous and stupid. Abuse means ill-treatment, particularly deliberate or preventable ill-treatment.

I would be mad about this. I would also be really mad if I was paying someone to care for my child and they took them to BK (sorry!). Even if only a one off. And especially if 'as a treat'. My children have NEVER been to ANY burger place, because the food is crap. End of story for me!!!

I still think you have to be pretty unaware to not know what your child is eating. Mine went to a childminder and then nursery/preschool and I could always tell what they had eaten without asking...a child that age always has remnants of their meals on their clothes and smells like what they have eaten and you see bits of it in their poo. I wouldn't have known what happened on an occasional basis, but I would know if my child had chips or a pasty everyday instead of a freshly cooked meal with fruit and vegetables. We keep a bowl of fruit in our house and veg in the fridge. I would notice if it wasn't getting eaten. Or if it was disappearing and the peel or cuttings didn't show up occasionally in the garbage.

I agree with SofiaAmes. The mother probably has an idea and, is maybe, interviewing for a new nanny. I know I would be.

It's ill treatment/abuse, if the parent has asked for something and the nanny is deliberately lying and giving something else.

fair enough - i take it you think it's the tip of an iceberg or indicative of other problems, where as i think the feeding kids chips thing is within the range of 'normal' [not good just normal/average in the world outside of mumsnet world]. i think lying is a large problem as i have stated. this is an emotive issue and i was directive in my first post, but i hope you'll allow me to have a different opinion to you on this and other issues. 'dangerous' and 'stupid' are strong words and i'm trying hard to be honest here.

Perhaps the mother wouldn't mind. If she's the sort who does, she'd probably ask.

Yes, I don't think feeding crap food in and of itself is not the worst thing you can do to a child. But a nanny lying about it is very definitely not a good sign in someone who you are entrusting to look after your children. But I think it's likely that the mother doesn't mind.

Or maybe, as the OP suggested, she is very (too?) trusting.

calling it abuse is taking it too far imo.chips or a pasty is not abuse!!

sorry luckylady, my post was a bit OTT. I didn't actually mean that you were dangerous or stupid, I think I was transferring annoyance from another thread where the definition of abuse is being debated quite forcefully.

....but I still think deliberately neglecting a child's health/nutritional welfare is ill-treatment, which has the same meaning as abuse IMO. By knowingly feeding this child crap every day the nanny is abusing the child's body and the mother's trust. In my opinion.

I think abuse is a big word to use here. She is feeding the child, albeit in a rather clueless way (and in my opinion giving him far more salt than is safe at his age).

What she is mostly abusing is her employer's trust, imo.

if she can't be bothered to feed the child a reasonable meal, is she also neglecting other areas like speech exercises, changing his nappy, stimulating him?

In the grand scheme of things many children have a far worse diet than this and survive (I went to uni in Sheffield and saw many a toddler with a baby bottle of coke) , so I feel the word "abuse" is a bit of a gross exaggeration in this case. Abuse has such harsh and far-reaching connotations.

What the real issue is here is a Lazy Nanny who is making unprofessional and unhealthy choices as to the menu for her charge. And she is also lying to her employer. On this latter basis alone, no matter what she was feeding her charge, she ought to be fired. Trust is the cornerstone of a nanny/employer relationship and once it's gone, it's not going to work. Lying shows a huge lack of maral and ethical fibre and means she is not really a good candidate for being a Nanny.

here here nannyK!

Spot on. Nannyk. But should the poster tell the mother?