Anyone else fed up of the cm bashing posts

[Gottalovesummer]

How very dare we take our minded children to school events and take up valuable spaces at playgroups. Makes me so furious. Why should minded children miss out on activities just because their parents work and can't take them themselves.

The current cm bashing post is particularly nasty.

Anyone else agree?

Are you referring to the large thread currently running on AIBU, where a school events organiser is bleating about one individual childminder?

It’s worth remembering that the AIBU board appears to be heavily populated by people who forgot to take their medication.

Yes that's the thread. Unbelievably ignorant remarks on it!

I take your point about the medication!

Still makes me cross tho that people can be so ignorant.

I do think the CM on the AIBU thread sounds a bit inconsiderate about parking and nappies, but some of the comments on there make me sad.

That comment about medication was ignorant and offensive.

Some childminders aren't great. If you are, what are you worried about?

Fair enough about the medication comment.

I'm not worried about anything.

Just frustrated about some/many of the comments about childminders.

Some teachers are sex offenders, some policemen are bullies, some priests are perverts ... geddit?

What are we worried about?

Being tarred with one brush - sweeping statements that people are too shortsighted to see childminders are individuals and very different.

I constantly read ‘I wouldn’t use a childminder because.....’ and it’s usually based on one interaction with one childminder or something they think might be true about childminders with no evidence.

People have the right to make the decision about childcare they feel most comfortable with.

I wouldn't go back to Santa Monica because we had a shit holiday there many years ago. I'm sure it's great really, but y'know!

There seems to be a real lack of understanding of what CMs do in my circles (SE). I was really surprised that almost nobody I know chose to use a childminder. I get that with a childminder it's all about the right fit for your family and that it is a relationship which is quite different from the one you might have with a nursery but I was very surprised more of my friends wouldn't consider it.

Speaking as someone who uses a CM, I have always been very grateful that mine takes her mindees to events at school. In the absence of an older sibling, it's his first introduction to the school community, which is great as he will probably go to that school and it definitely contributed to a smooth transition to school nursery. I've always been very grateful that my CM does these things - it's one of the many things she offers our DS which we can't at home.

There are some out and out CM bashers on this and other sites, not to mention a lot of people who seem to be on AIBU just to stir things up.

Some people are dead set against CMs for whatever reason, and will never change their minds.

Some have had genuinely bad experiences with a CM and then assume every CM is bad. It’s not rational but it happens.

Some simply don’t know or understand what the job involves. These are often the ones who think CMs are "greedy" and/or "lazy", assuming it’s about collecting vast amounts of "exorbitant" fees for “just playing with children".

Then there's the perennial problem with message boards. When a mum complains about a CM, you only get to see one side of the story. Some of these allegations need to be approached with a sensible dose of skepticism.

That said, we could all learn a lot by taking on board some of the criticisms in an effort to iron out some of our imperfections or if only to understand public perceptions a little better.

I find it just as annoying when there are excessively defensive knee-jerk responses from CMs. There do seem to be a very small few who think CMs can do no wrong.

Oh of course, I know that. And as a cm I am choosy about the fanikiesbi take on too. However my point is, most people form negative opinions without even every used one. You don’t get that with nurseries for example, people are more of accepting of the fact that all nurseries are different.

Perhaps some of the opinion-forming problems come down to 'visibility'.

If, purely for the sake of argument, we accept the version of events given by the OP on the AIBU thread, then that particular CM's behaviour was poor. People see that sort of thing, and form opinions accordingly. They have every opportunity to do so simply because CMs are out there in the real world doing real things with minded children for anyone and everyone to witness; and negative experiences tend to stick in the mind more.

When it comes to nursery, or school for that matter, the children are largely shut away from the real world and not seen by the public. Out of sight, out of mind, so people naturally assume quite benign views of nursery/school unless they have a direct problem over their own children.

I totally agree that the cm in the post doesn't sound great.

However it's the general comments that have annoyed me. The walking slowly to school comments, I mean really? Does that really annoy people so much? It can't be just cm's who walk slowly, plenty of parents with small children do too.

Also the total indignation that the cm has attended her child's event when she is working . So what? Many cm's see this as a perk of the job, and it's fantastic to take along little ones too. Not only do they generally enjoy the events, it's good preparation for their own transition to school.

I also got annoyed at the posters on that thread who criticised cm's for taking up spaces at toddler groups etc . Surely the point of sending your child to a cm is that they can do all the outings and activities that a parent would have done if not at work.

I think a lot has to do with the media, so many of the population believe what they see on tv and in papers and seem to think even soaps are based on reality. Few nurseries are portrayed with children being dropped off at doors or a comment x is at nursery but in the soaps childminders are seen to be out having chats doing housework drinking etc while looking after kids with no regard to regulations or proper care. Characters suddenly are childminders in between working a market, They drop children off with neighbours, neighbours pop in and leave a random child.

News articles spot the words childminder when ever anything bad happens but read the text and its unregistered care, a nanny, friend and sometimes nurseries funny enough they never get it the other way around. So things like the nursery who forgot a child leaving it on an outing, one in a mini bus (in hot weather too), the child found on a busy A road where all reported as childminders but were not.

Cost of childcare - recent news articles saying how costs have risen taking all childcare including Nannys and babysitters and lumping them in with Childminders.

Picking up reports on research like ones about children from disadvantaged homes doing better in nursery, when actually it was looking at registered inspected settings including childminders.

Then you get anxious parents who worry about baby bonding with someone and getting confused as to who is mum (never happens but is a real fear for some). People who don't understand how we socialise and prepare children for school just as well if not better than nurseries because they imagine a child sat in front of tv or at best kept indoors with 2 other babies 11 hours a day excluding school runs.

We need accurate information and publicity something that Pacey don't seem able to put out there how often do we see anything about childminders in the media from them? Normally only in small responses to incidents or comments never in publicity I wish they would do advertisements rather than conferences.

Gottalovesummer I do agree with you.

IME the walk to school can be slow because some children hardly walk anywhere at all. Some children’s previous experience of a long walk has involved covered the distance between the 'parent & children' parking bay and the trolley park at Tesco.

Parents often like children to attend school events and other normal things, including shopping, library and various appointments. They see it as a positive thing: it’s why they choose a CM. OK, some won’t like it, and that’s personal preference but no need to make out it’s a dereliction of duty.

On toddler groups.....

All the toddler groups I’ve ever used have taken the sensible view that they focus on the child, and don’t worry whether they come with a parent or with a CM who enables them to attend while mum is at work.

But I must say I’ve had some bad experiences of CMs whose actions at toddler group don’t do themselves or the industry any credit. Without going into the details, I felt so embarrassed being associated with them that I left that particular toddler group. They must have given everyone there a very bad impression of CMs, particularly as they made sure everyone knew they were CMs, as they seemed to look on toddler groups as a sort of recruiting ground for business.

Conversely, I was at my current toddler group for nearly two years before I realised another woman was a CM. She was absolutely excellent with her children, but went about it quietly, without having to draw attention to herself.

Lots of good points there, Jannier.

I share your disappointment with Pacey. They wouldn’t even help us get our county council to change their posters to include childminders when they persisted in promoting "free hours at nursery".

On the one hand, Pacey seem to imply that 'professionalising' childcare means being ever more like nursery. On the other hand, they seem to perpetuate some unbusinesslike practices that keep CMs looking like amateur 'momand pop store'-type outfits. A lot of this tends to suppress fees too, rather than taking steps towards a more sustainable childcare industry.

Imho Paceyare a bit too close to government policy makers. They seem to think they can maintain influence by staying on good terms with government. As a result, they end up as cheerleaders for bad policies, when they should be criticising and demanding change.

Pacey have delivered some embarrassing 'own goals' but just keep on doing what they want, then telling everyone how good this all is for childminders.

Actually I thought most posters on that thread disagreed with the negative posts about childminders.

Childminding is a popular form of childcare where I am - I'm full with a waiting list and most local minders are the same - so I'm not particularly bothered about ignorant comments online.

I think judging at toddler groups is a bit difficult, I don't mean any shouting blatant ignoring but the posts that say the childmidner did not follow the children around to each activity type posts. For many cm's toddler groups are the children's chance to explore without being closely supervised and unlike for many parents its not the only chance to do painting or messy play today but the chance to self select and mix with others. You also get the fans of perfectly produced art work who get judge'y because that child wasn't helped to make a perfect ladybird (ie adult dictated what to do and where to put it). Children need to learn independence and to feel comfortable ready for nursery so its more about distance supervising and stepping in when needed at home the CM will do a lot of focused one to one work or in twos and threes where as for many parents that's the time for children to play on their own while chores are done.

I was explaining that to a parent the other day Jannier. That the toddler group is a safe place for the children to play independently and make their own choices, create their own art, etc. Obviously I keep an eye on them and make sure they're not upsetting anyone, but they love to be free to play.

Tbh on that thread most replies were supportive to cm

Tho if she is parking badly and children getting lost /escaping to the road/letting them run amock then she isn’t a great cm

But I’s the same for most childcare providers - Nannies cm and nurseries

Someone will always have a bad story

Very rarely do you see parents praising their childcare

You've started a thread about another thread, which is against MN talk guidelines. They prefer you to take up any grievances or disagreements on the thread itself.

I used two excellent childminders for my children, they were amazing both in the range of activities they did and in their flexibility and willingness to accommodate my needs (e.g. occasional late evenings as I am a teacher with parents’ evenings to attend). With both I felt my children were valued as if they were part of the cm’s own family and both cm and child felt sad and stayed in contact for a while after they had moved on. Dd in particular was still invited to cm’s Christmas party and various other things after she had started school. I know this isn’t the point of the thread but I absolutely think cms need to be promoted as being as good as and in my opinion better than nurseries.

Jannier, you are so right about toddler groups. The one I go to, the childminders tend to sit and watch on the chairs round the edge of the room, while a lot of parents are sat on the floor and following their children from one activity to another, some of them refusing a drink because they are busy playing with their child (which is fine, but directly opposite to the childminders, who take what might be the only chance in the day to sit down and have a hot drink, because when we get home, it’s non stop, lunches, naps, activities for the older ones, school runs etc).

I was just thinking how it’s been some time since this board had a 'my childminder is the devil incarnate' sort of thread...... then one pops up just this week.

I do wonder how many of these are genuine, or largely exaggerated, as there’s never any way of checking the facts or getting the viewpoint of the anonymously accused.

For sure, there’s never any shortage of people who jump on and try to make out that every childminder is evil.