Nanny - would this bother you?

[EssentialHummus]

We have a nanny-share/carer one day a week. Both children 17/18 months, DD and a friend's DS. Generally speaking the nanny is great - experienced, energetic, observant, reliable, and if I come home early I can hear them falling about laughing.

But... she keeps trying to get DD to kiss the little boy. I don't mind this if it's spontaneous behaviour, but it seems to come from the nanny. Yesterday she had DD alone, and they were looking through some photos together that I'd printed out to send to my gran. There was one of the two children together. When I looked at the photos with DD later, every time she got to that photo, she made a kissing sound. I don't think she came up with that herself - it's just not like her.

Do I say something to the nanny? Leave it? It's super for her to engage with DD and teach her things but this makes me uncomfortable.

Not really no sorry I can’t see the problem. Im a nanny and I think it’s fine for them to hug and kiss their little friends. I mean obviously she won’t be encouraging your DD to kiss strangers etc

Try and chill out a bit or you’ll find your nanny stops sending you photos If you complain about them.

My charges love kissing each other. I might occasionally say 'hey B1, G1 has arrived, do you want to give her a kiss or a cuddle' if they say no, no problem, we move on. My charges love kissing each other, and me, and their parents and even themselves through a mirror. So long as not being forced then I don't see a problem!

I agree with you. I understand why it would make you feel a certain way. My mother in law tells me 17 month old son to kiss his friend all the time even after my son says no. She insists and tries to make him feel guilty by pretending to cry. It really bothers me. If it was natural and it came from them that's different. But when someone else tries to teach your child something you wouldn't it makes you feel uncomfortable. I would say something but in the most gentle way possible. Very awkward situation I know.

Finding a good, lovely, reliable, trustworthy nanny for a one day a week nanny share is more difficult than finding a golden hens tooth hand engraved by fairies.

This is not a hill I’d be dying on.

If either toddler doesn’t want to do it they’ll make it pretty clear. I personally wouldn’t encourage it, but if that was the only problem I had with a nanny I wouldn’t say a thing.

I presume she doesn't encourage them to kiss each other on the mouth. Babies like being with other babies and are often affectionate with each other. However she doesn't have to make them do it, that seems a bit over the top.

Thanks everyone (and those who PM'd me!). I'm still uncomfortable about it, but not sure how/if to raise it. I'd be borderline about her asking DD to kiss the little boy, but it was the photo thing that really drove me bananas - it seems like they looked at the photos together and the nanny taught DD to "kiss" those photos. Which just feels weird. And no, she doesn't afaik ask him to kiss her, but he's much less pliable!

Jelly thank you, it's useful to hear from a nanny.

She shouldn't have organised a kiss for a photograph but I have seen photos like that, usually an older sibling with a baby. Princess Charlotte giving Prince Louis a kiss for example - but that was within family and their mum took the photograph. Did you give permission for the photo to be taken?

jess sorry, I explained badly. There were photos of the two children in a stack on the table when nanny was with DD (photos that I'd taken, fwiw). As far as I can make out the nanny taught DD to kiss the photo of the two of them together.

I get it now and you probably didn't explain badly, I seem to have been misunderstanding everything today :-).

I have to say your little one sounds really sweet, EssentialHummus.

Your dd kisses a pic of the two other children?

I don’t see the problem

My dd loves photos and those she likes /sees a lot - will kiss photo and say their name

Blondes, I have a sense that the nanny taught her to do that (because she wasn’t doing it before the nanny turned up that day and was doing it after, and stopped doing it a day or so later). And I find that a weird thing to teach her to do.

I haven’t said anything, fwiw, and we haven’t had anything similar since.

At the end of day if you as a mother are uncomfortable with something and clearly this is playing on your mind then you should not be afraid to bring up this topic with your Nanny in a way that you she doesn't feel like you are criticising her but something that you are not comfortable with if that makes sense.

I worked as a nanny at one stage, and this is creepy and not on.

It is making you uncomfortable and you need to talk to the other parents and also to the nanny, to tell her to stop this immediately.