Nanny and new baby

[Megs1144]

Hi all does anyone have any experience of the adjustments to nanny/employer/new child/changes relationship once a new baby arrives? Our nanny has been with us 3 days a week over a year. I need to return to work soon (took a year off with my first) this time I’m phasing back at 6 months part time by April then 4 days by end of June.

Our son who has a good relationship with nanny doesn’t adore her id say more likes her but gets annoyed with her too! is off to preschool in September. However, having been alongside her most days since Mat leave began I’ve seen her in all scenarios. Not happy with everything. All child admin is perfect ie clothes washing, cooking, respect for our house, activities etc but lacks patience and isn’t at all cuddly! I was a bit shocked by the last bit. I don’t want her to
Smother my son but surely a bit of a cuddle when he is a bit upset rather than tell him everything is ok is warranted! So having witnessed this and brought it up a couple of times (she didn’t change) I don’t think our nanny is right choice to look after two children, especially the baby as she often makes comments like don’t leave me with her if she is crying (When im only going upstairs for a shower and baby is happily in bouncer in next room to her and son in her eyeline) and seems to show no interest in baby orientated care. My friends think I’m so lucky having a nanny a home on mat leave but it’s been actually very stressful as I feel like I’m on her terrority and I hide in the mornings so I don’t see my son in case he gets upset. I would have hoped she would by now be confident to start trying to spend a hour here and there with baby but when I try and start this she Just doesn’t seem to want to get to know her next “charge”.

I don’t really want to start the search for a new nanny as I actually do like her and as a sole nanny have no reservations but should I listen to my gut that I need a nanny with more baby experience and perhaps one who has looked after two young kids at once? Im finding it hard to talk to my nanny about as I can’t quite put it into words my feelings about this. I think my overarching impression is that she feels the change in Home life and routine has disrupted it for her. She asked for a pay rise to look after both which I told her we would discuss when the time came.

Any advice before we (husband too) sit down and do a proper chat with her?

I am surprised that your nanny has not been taking more of a role with baby already. Whilst you are on maternity leave it is a perfect time for your nanny to have some short periods of caring for baby to boost their confidence in babycare if they are lacking in that. "Don’t leave me with her if she is crying" is worrying, is it lack of confidence, or something else?

What does your nanny think will happen when you return to work? Perhaps ask them that... they need to be caring for baby as well as your pre-schooler.

I’m a nanny, I cannot imagine not having cuddles with a newborn! I’ve had MB’s asking for a share (in a jokey way!)

I’d be worried about her not being very cuddly. All the nannies I know love a cuddle with their charges. Morning/evening hugs, cuddle up with a book or some tv, definitely big hugs if they hurt themselves and cry (I try not to make too much of a fuss if it’s a small bump and they don’t get too upset) I, and my charges, love a cuddle, no matter what age they are (33 years down to 5)

I kept on my nanny while on mat leave with #2 and honestly she was salivating to get her hands on my baby. If we were both around she was practically wrestling the baby out of my arms and by the time I went back to work she'd had him lots of times for short periods and he was totally at home with her.

I've heard it said that a nanny is either great with your house or great with your kids. I know which kind of nanny I have and also which kind of nanny I want. If your son isn't even particularly attached, this sounds like a no-brainer to me.