Help please!!!!

[Coffeeandavocado]

We spent ages thinking about getting an au pair so didn't rush into the decision too hastily. Au pair has only been with us 4 days, yes 4 days and we've made a big mistake!!!! (I think). We have set out expectations very clearly before she came and again both verbally and written down since she's arrived....she's has said more than once she is happy with the arrangement and does the majority of jobs but has a sour face most of the time. She doesn't really talk even though she is almost fluent in English so understands everything and my husband and I and the kids also speak her language so no language barriers. Basically she is not interacting with the kids and just sits there in silence. I don't mind shyness but not even talking to the kids much is weird. My 7 year old said 'why doesn't the new ap speak to us?'!!!!We found her on ap world and could depend on family for childcare for a while before reassessing if we want to try again but my question is....can I get rid after such a short time?? She's clearly not interested in my kids or getting to know them so I think I can but my husband says we owe her more of a chance. Advice please!!!!

Oh that sounds like our last au pair! A year ago I could have written almost the exact post! We didn’t gel at all with the au pair and any of our attempts of a reciprocal conversation with her soon ended in silence. Maybe give it one more week to let her settle and then re-assess.
With ours I thought things would improve over time but after 3 months we still felt so uncomfortable in our own homes that we ended it..

Thank you so much!! Good to know we're not alone in this experience. My husband made a last ditch attempt to get her involved with the kids but she just watched and wasn't interested....he's really disappointed-our kids are really nice!!!! Although of course we would say that. I think we will just buy her a flight home and draw a line under it. It shouldn't be this much effort? Have you had a successful experience since with a new ap??

Sounds like a plan!
We decided to get live-our help instead, we were finding having someone live with us too intense! We did have a successful au pair the year before though who stayed for the entire year. You should definitely give it another try!

Poor you..I think you need a frank conversation with her, but it does sound as though its not going to work out.

One question I always ask potential au pairs is "do you like playing with children?" and "what sort of things would you play with a XXX yo".

Our first au pair (who was only with us over the summer) didn't really enjoy playing with my daughter, although she was fine with the boys and great at housework.

From previous experience, if it isn't working well at the start, it's unlikely to dramatically improve. We've had a couple of great au pairs and some that just didn't intereact or have any interest in the DC. We got on better with live-out help, a combination of cleaning and after school nanny. It looked more expensive, but when I added up all the hours on recruitment, flights back, hours spent trying to improve things, additional cost of an adult in the household, untold cost of sanity & privacy, it was a good decision.

I would explain your expectations. During my interview process, I make it clear that I want an au pair who talks and engages with the children. Not one that sits there blankly or looking at the phone. I explain its a deal breaker. I set expectations clearly so they know from early on. In addition, I also give them tasks, such as reading the children stories during meal times and asking them about it (this kind of forces the conversation lol). But also, because my au pair is mainly for the children to learn a second language, they quite need the story time and a chance to speak the second language. Its worked wonderfully and my children are both now fluent in a second language.