dilemma - cleaner has been slating nanny to MIL - what to do?

[Tutter]

quick background:

• nanny/mothers help due to start f/t with us next week - she's come to us via an agency - our gut feel is that she's a lovely girl. strengths - she's bubbly, outgoing and flexible. she's only 20 with only a year's experience of nannying (3 yrs in nursery) but not a major issue as she's not going to be sole charge

• cleaner - a bit of a busybody - has been working for us for a few months. tendency to whinge and talk about other people in negative way

• 2 weeks ago new nanny spent day here and was sole charge while i was at hospital. cleaner also here

so... today i was at hospital again. MIL staying. cleaner here. cleaner same-ish age as MIL. makes it clear she doen't think much of nanny - says that 2 weeks ago ds wandered through kitchen into garden, cleaner found nanny lying on sofa reading a book (hers, not ds's). words apparently exchanged

now i have to decide what to do with this information. nanny's references very good. i called agency owner to chat through and get advice - goes against everything she knows to be true of nanny, and she warns about flare-ups between claeners and nannies (not uncommon, apparently)

my feeling atm is to leave things be, and just to get my own feel for nanny over coming weeks. plenty of time to observe, as ds2 not sue for 3 weeks

opinions? advice?

should probably also mention that i wouldn't trust what our cleaner has said in terms of it being true word-for-word, but doubt she would make it up completely

I think that if she is generally not going to be in sole charge of the kids I wouldn't say anything.
It was one thing, which may not have happened exactly as you've been told. I'd be tempted to see how you go with her, but maybe have a chat in a non-co0nfrontational way about what you expect from her when she is on her own with the kids (ie, not reading on the sofa)

Sounds like you've got a plan. If your gut feeling thinks the nanny is ok and you have the time to watch how she behaves with your son then that sounds like a good thing to do.

Have you asked the nanny about the incident to see what she says?

haven't asked nanny - only saw her briefly today, and not sure how to bring it up - or even whether there is a point

maybe when there is an appropriate moment i will talk to her about her taking a break when ds naps, but what my expectations are when she's 'on duty'

anyone else prepared to give their take ont his?

I would be tempted t have a talk with cleaner and see if she tells you this story too. If she was that concerned why not tell you 2 weeks ago? sounds like cleaner is also a cook with HUGE wooden spoon

TBH so what if your nanny was reading a book. Nannying is full on and not like an office job so if she has taken the chance to have 5 mins down time she should be entitled. Its not like she will get the statutory tea breaks and lunch breaks. I have often found that cleaners take a bit of a busy body approach in the houses they work in and it is pbest not to get involved in the petty politics.

what does mil think?

what does mil think?

cleaner maybe jealous that you haven't asked HER to be nanny (hilarious to you maybe, but to her?)
assume same hourly rate, much more hours, far less strenuous, far more FUN!!

oh thanks all for your thoughts

you're def spot on about cleaner's nose poss being out of joint at nanny's arrival. cleaner sees herslef as more than cleaner (has worked before as housekeeper so more 'involved' in family life iyswim)

i also wondered about that lisa - if she genuinely thought ds's safety was at risk why didn't she speak to me? (as it was she asked MIL not to say anything to me) (but she must have known MIL would)

not sure what MIL thinks - she doesn't really know either of them tbh (doesn't live locally - only met nanny for first time yday)

update...

nanny's first day today. i had to go to the hosp this morning so left ds with her for an hour and a half while i was out

am pretty sure she must have been reading her book (again, if my cleaner is to be believed - see OP) as it was stciking out of her handbag when i got back

so, the question is - is it acceptable for her to be reading while she's looking after ds?

would it bother you? i've always said that all i was looking for in a mothers help/nanny is someone with whom ds1 will be safe and happy. if this is being compromised, should i accept it?

should add, btw, that she does get a break - ds sleeps for an hour and ahalf-ish at lunchtime

Ugh. Your cleaner has now put you in the position of wondering what your nanny is up to every time you leave the house. You have to clear this up. If your cleaner's nose has been put out of joint then she might be up to no good, especially if she thinks the nanny is too young or does things differently etc etc.

You could always make a joke of it and say to the nanny that once ds2 arrives she won't have a minute to herself (IME 2 babies are 10 times harder than 1!); ask how she's getting on with the cleaner etc etc. TBH if the cleaner is going to make the nannies life miserable the nanny won't hang around so you do need to sort this.

yup, indeed

have tried coaxing nanny into giving her opinion on cleaner - but to no avail

really don't want to have to tell nanny what cleaner has said - as dh says, there's no way we can subsequently keep them both

hate that i now feel unsettled about nanny - considered not going to the hosp this morning, but that seemed ridiculous

i don't think ds is in any danger, but i can believe that she might be tempted to read if he's occupying himself with a toy/tv prog - just not sure in my own mind if this is acceptable or not

Well, I read when I 'look after' my dc. Am MNetting now...

As you said, you need to decide whether this is OK and tell her.

Try not to worry about it (easy for a stranger to say ). I am quite sure she wouldn't put your ds in danger (her references were good etc and you were happy until the cleaner stuck her beak in) and besides she really will have no time to herself when the baby arrives.

Trust your gut feel:

Nanny - "she's a lovely girl. strengths - she's bubbly, outgoing and flexible"

Cleaner - "a bit of a busybody - has been working for us for a few months. tendency to whinge and talk about other people in negative way"

I also think the fact that the nanny would not slag off the cleaner shows a huge amount of maturity that your cleaner hasn't shown.

We have a daily housekeeper and a part time nanny. I am on the same wavelength as my housekeeper and would trust everything she says. She had concerns about my old nanny which were spot on and I value her judgment. However, I think in this case your cleaner's nose is clearly out of joint. Don't let her drive a wedge between you and your nanny.

As a former (brilliant!!) nanny, reading a book is not the end of the world!

Childcare is full on and it is impossible to play with a young child all the time.

Has she got jobs and bits and pieces to do round the house?

Could the cleaner work other days when the nanny is not around?

You mumsnet when looking after ds so why should the nanny not have a few minutes to read?

If it bothers you so much, you should def have a word.

thanks tooty - you talk a lot of sense

just out of interest, would the book reading bother you?

i'm not sure it does, tbh, collision (bother me)

i can't quite figure out whether it does or not, in fact

she's only just started, so isn't up to speed yet in terms of things she can be getting on with (washing, ironing, cooking) while ds keeping himself busy - good point

I have 2 boisterous toddlers and if my nanny was reading a book I would be amazed!

I was going to say "of course I wouldn't mind" but actually I think it might nark me a bit if she was doing it from the day she started - especially if my ds was left to his own devices. I know they get to an age when they play with their toys on their own and don't need one on one interaction but it would niggle me a bit.

I suspect that you are more concerned about the potential discord in your home if nanny and cleaner aren't going to get on. I can completely understand why. The last thing you want is sniping from the cleaner and for the nanny to feel like she's being watched like a hawk by some busy body who thinks they could do the job better. Domestic harmony is so important, especially when you are employing people in your home.

Do you know she wasn't reading the book while your son had his nap? Did the cleaner say where your DS was at the time? Surely if he was asleep or happily playing by himself then it wouldn't be an issue. If he was in another room chewing on electrical cords then more of an issue!

sweetydarling, in terms of the OP, it was during the morning, so def not naptime

apparently he ran past the cleaner and out into the garden. cleaner went looking for nanny and found her in playroom reading a book

Ah yes - sorry - must get myslef a coffee!