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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

What do you think about this and what would you do?

58 replies

SassyS89 · 06/10/2018 12:34

A bit of background (Apologies in advance for the long post!)...so I have two young children now aged 3 and 5, and up until end of August they were in the care of a childminder who they had been with since they were both babies. The cm had a great relationship with all of us and we saw her and her family as our second family. End of June she dropped a bombshell that she was retiring at the end of the year, but as my son was originally going to go to the school her husband did pick-ups/drop-offs to, that meant he would have to transfer to another school at the end of the year so it was decided to transfer him before the new term started and find a new cm that did pick-ups/drop-offs to the new school.

The cm recommended another cm who the kids already knew of and the new cm was the only one with spaces so I did not have much choice but to go with her as I was on borrowed time. However, she did not want to take on any new kids until beginning of September and after she came back from annual leave (no problem with this). Before the kids started she mentioned to the previous cm that I should consider putting the kids in breakfast club/after school club (I did wonder why she would suggest this before she had even started looking after the kids). I had to change my working hours to accommodate the new cm hours. The kids started the new cm at the end of august and settled in well but only lasted two weeks...

Now for the issue...when the kids started I was not sure if my daughter was going to go full time or part time as she was originally going to go part time but full time worked out financially better due to the 30 free hours, but we wasn't sure if her nursery had any full time places left and I couldn't find out until she started nursery in September, and because of this she was adamant she did not want to write up a contract as she did not want to "write up a contract for a month then write up a whole new contract". I explained that in order for me to get my tax credits to help pay her I will need a contract and she still did not want to write one up. All of a sudden she then decided to write up a contract but some of the info (costs/dates) was incorrect or was not clear so I refused to sign it. This happened on two occasions so I did not end up having a contract for the two weeks the kids were there. After stating that I'm not going to sign it until all the info is correct, her response was "well you was the one who wanted a contract so it's up to you". Due to this and some other things we clashed a lot and did not see eye to eye so had a few heated discussions.

As myself and ex-p were not happy with the way things were going with the new cm we thought about placing the kids in breakfast club and the cm would only have to pick up. I asked her (by text) how much it would be for pick-ups only and she replied back saying that I should put the kids in breakfast club/after school club as she was not happy with the way things were going and that she would take my kids for the following week. A couple weeks later she asked me when I would be paying her, and I told her the money that was meant for her has gone to the school as you have to pay at least a week in advance, so I would have to pay her installments. She was not happy with this and stated I was a "pisstaker" and how it's "not her problem and that I should have sorted it out before". I explained that the school is now the priority and she was the one who made herself no longer a priority, not me. I never once said I will not pay her.

Since then, she has messaged me saying "she wants her money asap" and that "her patience is running out". I feel she has been very unprofessional from the beginning and I want to make a complaint but I'm not sure if anything would be done. What would you do? (Apologies for the long post!)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 06/10/2018 16:10

We’re going round in circles. 🙄

How many instalments have you decided to make the cm wait for?

Aaaahfuck · 06/10/2018 16:10

She sounds like she's been unprofessional and inconvenienced you but you should still have paid her on time.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 06/10/2018 16:11

some allow it, some don't.

This one doesn’t!

insancerre · 06/10/2018 16:12

What requirements did you change?

You hadn't decided if you needed part time or full time then you asked her about just pick ups

Original poster

SassyS89 · 06/10/2018 16:13

Georgie - well obviously!

OP posts:

cansu · 06/10/2018 16:17

Basically it hasn't worked out. Regardless she has looked after the kids and you need to pay her. You can't decde to pay her installments because you prioritise other bills! How would you feel if your boss decided to pay you in installments? You are being ridiculous and it is no wonder she thinks you are a pisstaker.

Doyoumind · 06/10/2018 16:19

Just pay her what you owe her to draw a line under it. You can't just decide when to pay her. That's not how it works if she provdided the service. After that you can complain to Ofsted or whoever.

Original poster

SassyS89 · 06/10/2018 16:22

insanc - the first week they went it was still the holidays so they went full time. I couldn't give an answer about full time at the nursery until I heard back from them

OP posts:

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 06/10/2018 16:22

It’s not ‘obviously’ because you’re still going ahead and paying her in that way. I’m slightly baffled as to what responses you were actually expecting on here!

Orlande · 06/10/2018 16:23

Regardless of anything else you are taking the piss by not paying what you owe.

SleepyMcEdie · 06/10/2018 16:23

You have to pay her the full amount now! You used her services, you can’t expect her to accept your payment in installements!

I have to pay my childminder a month in advance and that’s normal for most I talked to.

Original poster

SassyS89 · 06/10/2018 16:27

Cansu - it was either I paid the school first or I would have had no one to look after the kids meaning I couldn't go to work and not get paid and she could not get any money at all. Obviously I could not afford for this to happen

OP posts:

Isittimeforbed · 06/10/2018 16:37

I'm finding it a bit difficult to follow, but it sounds like the childminder was happy to work on trust rather than a contract until you'd discussed with the nursery and decided exactly what hours you wanted and things could be formalised. She will probably now realise she shouldn't have trusted you to pay, and I'm surprised she hasn't used worse language.

itsaboojum · 06/10/2018 16:43

Let's say you 'phone Ofsted to complain because your ex-CM is "unprofessional". They're going to ask you precisely what that means, because "unprofessional" means virtually nothing these days: it's just a throwaway term used by customers and the odd employer to express non-specific disappointment, whether justified or no.

So, you explain the whole situation, as per your original post. The Ofsted telephone person will politly inform you that they will not be processing your complaint because it relates to a contractual dispute only. They will further tell you that Ofsted's remit is to deal with standards of care and education, specifically in the case of CMs, with regard to the application of the UK childcare regulations.

I'm prepared to bet my bumcheeks that the poor Ofsted official who has to listen to you (and any other reasonable human being) will privately and silently agree with your CM's opinion of you.

itsaboojum · 06/10/2018 16:56

It's a sad thing, but the fact is the CM will almost certainly have to accept payment in instalments. Even when small traders successfully pursue a debt and gain a CCJ against the reluctant client/customer, the courts will oblige them to accept some sort of payment plan.

This in no way changes the fact that the OP has acted in an utterly selfish and despicable manner. She has come out of this sorry situation far, far better than she deserves.

The truth is, if the CM had acted in a strictly "professional" way, then the OP would have been the one left well and truly up the Rio Excreta without a paddle.

PatchworkElmer · 06/10/2018 17:53

Sorry OP, I think you’re being a CF. How would you feel if you had your wages deferred? Because that’s what you’re doing to her- she has expenses too.

The reason why most childcare providers (like the school) ask for payment in advance is because people can’t be relied upon to pay on time once they’ve already received the service. Which you’re kind of proving here, really.

Lunde · 06/10/2018 18:09

You are being a CF - you have benefited from the CM looking after your children but now you are in no hurry to pay. I expect that she will soon pursue you in the small claims court if you continue this way.

jannier · 06/10/2018 20:28

Your children are always going to have school holidays and it is the norm for all settings to be paid upfront what are you going to do in October? You had the money to pay the school but you cant pay the cm who is in a lot worse financial position than the school, what exactly are you going without food, car heating because you should be rather than owe anybody else money that is their income is she supposed to incur late fees and go to Tescos to see if they will take instalments on her shopping? I hope she didn't feed your children as many cm;s do.

Glumglowworm · 06/10/2018 22:18

You’re being a CF and people like you are exactly why most childcare providers insist on payment up front.

Pay her what you owe her for the service she provided you! You can’t unilaterally decide to pay in instalments!

Mymadworld · 07/10/2018 08:10

So hang on, your dc went to her in the holidays (August?) and part of September and you still haven't paid her? You are a cf but won't listen so just pay her as you wish

HSMMaCM · 07/10/2018 17:32

Your CM didn't draw up a contract, because you were still sorting out hours, etc. I would have done, but she decided to wait. She provided some care and now you've mutually decided to go your separate ways. She let you know how much you owe and you told her you were prioritising school and will pay her later. This is why she is now upset with you. This is her wages not being paid and her bills coming in with no money to pay for them. You must pay her. Ofsted will not be interested.

Rhiannon13 · 09/10/2018 19:32

This will never work and you need to pay her and find alternative childcare.

"well you was the one who wanted a contract so it's up to you". Did this not ring alarm bells?

I told her the money that was meant for her has gone to the school as you have to pay at least a week in advance, so I would have to pay her installments. This is unacceptable, and absolutely not her problem. SHE is providing the service: you don't make up the terms of that service!

Rhiannon13 · 09/10/2018 19:33

You’re being a CF and people like you are exactly why most childcare providers insist on payment up front.

Exactly. Unbelievable.

Rhiannon13 · 09/10/2018 19:36

I couldn't go to work and not get paid

I couldn't either. Which is why I only take payment a month in advance. No payment, no childcare.

Getfitmumma · 09/10/2018 19:51

Ofsted won't investigate this... they investigate safeguarding complaints not contract issues

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