CM CLUB What do you do if mindee goes strange? Long sorry!

[OFSTEDoutstanding]

Sorry not a very good title I know but been a long day.

My problem is mindee 2 who is 10 years old and only 2 days a week after school til 5.30 then occasional days in the holidays. He was always really smily and chatty when I first started looking after him then I signed mindee 3 and 4, 2 sisters from his school, one of which is in his class.

Ever since I had them he has gone really quiet and sulky to the point that when I collected him from school today he visibly had a huge sigh as he walked over to me.

Nothing has changed in the way he is cared for since I signed the other 2 except that we have to drive into town at 4.30 and back to drop the girls at dancing. This takes approx 1/2 hour but he gets the option of taking things to do in the car. Also his mum knew when she signed up that I had no other after schoolies at the time but if I got any I was willing to do activity runs.

Over the past couple of weeks I get the feeling off the mum that she is also being quite stand offish and he is an only child and I know that he left his last cm to come to me because he had problems with some of the children there not letting him do what he wanted! This is the same mindee that I have mentioned in previous threads that has asked me to dust the playstation controller and to have a substantual meal as he is going out that night, mum knows I only provide after schoolies with a large snack (sandwichs, omlettes, toasties etc.)

So what should I do ignore the change in attitude and put it down to an only child with a mood now he has to share a bit more, or ring mum and have a chat to see what is going on and run the risk of losing him, it sounds really selfish but I don't really want to lose him as even though he is only a very small amount each week in term time he does make me alot more money in the hols and I can't afford to lose him

well i would prob phone mum as ofsted says work in partnership with the parents!

i would just ask mum is x ok? only he seems a little down resently and i wondered if everything was ok
this will give mum a change to say anything she needs to say and hopefully then she wont feel as stand offish and she may feel she can talk to you in the future

i would speak to the mum whenhes not there either privatly or on phone, get to bottom of it, just say what you feel, that he sighed today and wonder what is wrong?

Maybe he feels uncomfortable with the girl from his class being there. Although if I am being blunt it sounds as though he is uunused to/ or hasn't been encouraged to share, socialise, etc.

I had a boy of about this age (was also an only child) who didn't wish to join in group activities, only baked if it came in a box kit with "for example, Harry Potter on it", complained he was bored but didn't like to do much except knex - which he didn't like to share, and was generally quite eccentric. I found it a hard balance of finding things he liked (reading, computers, etc), without sacrificing my house rules and ideals (ie sharing, no computer games) In the end his mum's hours changed and she no longer needed me. He does however always run up to see me and ds every time at school and is always excited and pleased to see us, so I wouldn't take the problems you are having with this mindee personally.

I would also call mum casually as dmo suggested in a hope it would clear the air.

Call mum - tell whats happening and maybe say something like 'so, what can we do to make him a bit happier/settled or whatever? Make sure you say 'we' though, because she needs to feel involved too. It does rather sound like he's not keen on sharing tbh. It could be that the girl in his class is making life difficult for him in school. My dd and one mindee(boy) are in the same class and they are a nightmare together. I often have to remind dd, that what he does in our house (like skipping!) is not to be discussed in the playground with his mates - its not cool at 11! And equally I tell him, not to tell her mates if she's had a paddy and started crying!
Ultimately, if things don't change, you're gonna have to cut your loses hun, you can't have it effecting everyone else.

Thanks everyone. I wondered if he was a bit unsure about having the girl from his class there but it doesn't seem to bother him at all, in fact they pretty much ignore each other as she spends whole time playing with ds and he watchs TV or plays computer. When I have him in the hols it is all he ever wants to do and I mentioned to his mum that I dont allow mindees to spend long periods of time in front of TV she said she didn't have a problem with it so long as he was happy. Therefore it wasn't a problem lasthols as I didnt have the other 2 but in the summer I have them all most of the time. Like I said before the only thing that has changed is the fact we have to take the other 2 dancing but he still gets to do exactly what he wants, he even walks in house after school and turns over TV if my ds or dh are watching to the channel he wants!!

DP has one rule, at four O clock, he chooses what is on TV, and no one touches it!!

On a serious note though try to work it out but, if it starts to affect the happiness of your family or other mindees, then I would consider giving notice. He sounds quite spoilt and difficult TBH.