My dm has just thrown us a lifeline - do we accept wwyd?

[elmo1980]

I'm currently on maternity leave with ds2 who is 4 months and also have ds1 who is 20 months.

Dp works full time and I was planning on going back 4 days a week which is what I did after having ds1.

Money will be very tight but we have worked finances so that we can cover nursery fees for both ds. We have no family nearby who can help.

My dm is staying with us at the moment (shr lives about 2 hours away) and she was asking about my plans to return to work and suddenly came out with the offer of staying with us 2 days a week so I can go back to work full time.

She is 70 so we discussed her potentially having ds2 on his own for one day whilst ds1 goes to nursery then both of them the next day which would be a day that my dp is likely to finish work early to make it a bit easier for her.

It would make a huge difference to us financially plus would mean ds2 only needs to go to nursery 3 days a week and they both get to spend time with grandma.

I am worried about how she will cope due to her age but she has the mind and health of someone 10 years younger. My df may also come up for some of these weeks to help her and stay with us too.

Am I mad to be questioning this? A part of me feels I should be biting her hand off at the offer but some things making me feel uneasy. I don't want to take advantage but in 18 months we will get 30 free hours for our eldest so I was planning on cutting my hours at that point anyway as I want to be in a position to be at home more as they get older so this would only ever be a temporary measure.

What would you do?

My experience as a cm is that often elderly relatives don’t cope . However I obviously don’t see the ones it works for.

I would think how you would move forward if it doesn’t work. Could you cope with her in your house 2 days a week.

Regardless of decision it is a generous act .

My dmil is 74 and takes my dd1 to school 3 days a week and picks her up 2 days. Both kids go to hers after school 3 days a week. It works for us. She's very young for her age (currently on hols in Spain with her sister)

I would suggest a trial period of four weeks after which she or you can opt out if not working or happy (and only if you won’t lose a nursery place). I think illness might be an issue - hers or dc as when slightly older viruses and bugs can impact you more and for longer and so I wouldn’t want her looking after them if she is ill or getting ill from them.