Had The Chat tonight

[Gusthetheatrecat]

We have had lots of lovely au pairs, but currently have an au pair who isn't really working out. Having given her a detailed list of how things work, been much more direct about what we need etc. I tonight sat down with her and had The Chat. Listed all the various things that aren't going as well as we need. Said what we were looking for. Explained that we would have another chat in a week and would be looking for some improvement.
I know I have done the right thing, and have been as nice (and honest, and clear) as I can be. But I feel AWFUL.
Interestingly, what this all proves to me is that Mumsnet is right about everything. I wasn't quite sure if things were working quite early on, and the Mumsnet advice is generally to act quickly, because your gut instinct is right.
Just posting for some moral support I suppose. I am relieved I started the conversation. Au pair in question is very sweet, but so quiet and young and introverted I am not sure if she can realistically improve. And keeping things as they are is not really fair to my DDs. Argh.

Oh darling, I've been through this. Nearly gave myself an ulcer trying to like/live with last au-pair. She was number 2 of 3. Numbers 1 and now 3 are/were just wonderful and reiterated to me that I wish I had acted faster as my stomach lining may have had a better time. You've done the right thing. You know you have. Sometimes they're just not in the right house for them or you. And if things don't improved, you have to send her home. Good luck!

Thank you, cherrypipp. I feel a bit less guilty today. Just relieved that I have started the process. It will be interesting to see if she improves - CAN she improve? But it's not fair for her to keep thinking everything is fine. And just like you, I've had other au pairs who have been so brilliant, in lots of quite different ways, that I don't think I am being unreasonable. I just am not sure why someone so uninterested in children, learning English, London, and meeting new people ever thought that being an au pair would be a good idea!!

It sounded like it needed doing so you shouldn't feel bad, maybe she'll improve, maybe she'll decide its not for her after all.

You did the right thing - we had to give notice to our most recent one and she left last Wednesday - the sense of Relief was amazing and everyone is in a better mood.

She’s just gone back home. She was so desperately homesick, she was actually really happy to be going back! And I do in fact feel relieved. Hoping to find someone new now...

@Gusthetheatrecat I know the relief! If it helps I am finding a lot more applicants /responses in au pair world now than I did a few months ago

Thanks bloopity bloop. Your first post where you first mentioned the sense of relief made a big impression on me, and encouraged me to bite the bullet. It was so obviously, in retrospect, the right thing to do. We are now talking to a potential candidate through our agency who seems promising so am keeping my fingers crossed ...