Working 60 hours on shift, impossible childcare situations!

[civicxx]

Help!

Me & my partner currently work in the same place on the same shift doing the same hours. 60 hours one week, 24 the next. (Although overtime is currently needed so it's more like 70/34) We work 6-6 days & nights, the shift pattern operates 364 days a year.

We net around £4200.
We have a 3 bedroom house but do not have a room free for an Au Pair nor the parking room & don't think it would suit us.
Does anybody know how we could overcome our upcoming childcare issue?

Daughter is 8 & pretty much takes care of herself. Currently she stays with grandparents (who we pay). When working day shift I then come out of work to pick her up & take her to school as we couldn't find anybody to pick her up from one area of the town and take her to school in another. She then is collected by a childminder on the days we work untill 6pm & then taken back to grandparents.

On a weekend she is solely with grandparents which costs me around £90 for the weekend, however grandparents have their own stuff to do & child isn't really being entertained or engaged in much bar YouTube on the computer.

On a night shift daughter does to grandparents at 5.30 after running round like a lunatic doing showers after swimming, tea & homework. Daughter then sleeps at grandparents & is collected by me in the morning for school. The struggle to stay awake & then drive is horrendous each shift.

Come June grandparents have said they no longer want to look after daughter & we are faced with zero childcare.

Could anybody suggest any ideas?
We are able to go on opposite shifts so that one persons days off is the others in, however this just would not work we would never see each other atall. We are also able to go on opposite in the sense that when one is on nights the other is on days, but can't really see how this would make things much different either.
Very worried that I will have to leave!

Any intel majorly appreciated!

Is there a financial need to bring home that amount of money. Could one of u be part time?

Sounds very tricky. If you don't want an au pair I can't see any option other than one or both of you changing jobs, sorry. Others may be more helpful. The current situation doesn't sound great for your DD (sorry if that sounds harsh) so maybe it's for the best that you're being forced to rethink.

I think the only way to do it is either a live in nanny or work opposite shifts.

The idea of an au pair may not suit you, but you have to be realistic. Something has to give ! An au pair would solve all of your problems. Either that or work opposite shifts - DH and I did that for years when my children were young and it worked fine.

You will prob need to work opposite shifts . That’s pretty much what we do. Hard but not forever hopefully

Nanny with shared care?

I would try opposite shifts for a while with the undrstanding that you review in 6 months.

Opposite shifts, au pair or one of you gets a new job.

I changed jobs as I was working shifts and my husband is often abroad and we have no family able to do nights or weekends. It was the only way.

Could one of you jobshare? Just for a few years.

There is a ‘shared aupair’ or shared nanny that some families do. As in, they share an aupair or nanny between 2 families. Is there anyone at your place of work that need opposite childcare, this might work.

There is also a live out nanny/aupair, but this would be more expensive than the grandparents.

Working 70 hours a week, both on shift, you are going to end up paying so much, and missing so much, I don’t think it’s worth it. I would seriously consider one person jobsharing.

Good luck.

Honestly? I think someone needs to get a new job, round which normal childcare (after school club, childminder) would fit. Either that or nanny or au pair.

Well given you need a lot of unsocial hours and overnights that aren’t The same each week, including weekend coverage, I think you’d struggle with anything bar a nanny or possibly au pair. You could call around local childminders but I would be very surprised if anyone could accommodate.

Alternatively between you you’d need to look at your working patterns and either go on alternate shifts, one goes part time or one leaves. But that shouldn’t automatically be you. At least you have a good amount of time to sort it out.

Ive a funny feeling we might be in a similar job. We had the same, but for me, I felt consistency at home was more important than being on the same shift pattern (that totally isn't a criticism of your choices because you have to do what's best for you) we work opposite shifts now but we use annual leave to spend family time, time together when the other one is waking up and time together before late shifts iyswim. At first i was worried about how it's work having so little time altogether but it works ok, not ideal, but it's still good. We save on childcare, when we do have time together as a family we tend to make sure we do something so it's quality time, and most importantly our dc gets to sleep in their own bed and is at mostly at home, rather than being shipped between houses. Try the opposite shift pattern just to see whether it works. It might be easier than it looks on paper. Good luck.

Your poor DD

I do think you and your partner need to have a good, hard look at your finances ask working patterns to see what can give do your DD some stability re childcare.
From your post it seems as if your DD is being pushed from pillar to post in order to make your shift patterns work.

To quote Llangennith.....your poor dd. She must never see either of you.

One of you needs to cut down your hours. At least you'd get to spend time with your DD. That's if you want to. Failing that, get an audience pair and out her in the 3rd bedroom.

6-6 days and nights 364 days a year makes me wonder if perhaps grandparents would have your DD live with them permanently, since you're not interested in being parents beyond I suppose providing money for stuff.

*au pair

Is there any potential for both of you to cut your hours slightly, and adjust shifts slightly so you can cover childcare? Maybe work opposite shifts, but add in some days off together with extra days off?

That sounds intense. Can both of you complete flexible working applications in order to drop hours, say to a 0.6 contract and then work opposite hours?

Have you both always done this? I can understand why it's too much for the grandparents

It’s too much for the dd never mind the grandparents.

So when you work days you start at 6am, leave work for a while to bring DD to school and then go back to work? Is she left alone then in the mornings for a few hours when you're both at work?

We work opposite shifts here. My partner works days and I work nights. I do the nights my partner is off and my partner does the days I'm off. We work in the same place too.

I guess you can't work opposite shifts if you need to do the 60 hours one week a if you worked opposite weeks there'd still be handover times where she is not looked after.

I think one of you needs a different job where you work office hours or a nanny.

Thankyou for all replies.
My job has NO flexibility with hours. We are both engineers, working part time isn't an option you get in this profession, sadly either is 9-5 Monday - Friday in most places. I have previously 18 months ago applied for 42 jobs over 4 months & received 3 interviews, the range, asda & Lidl. All of which I didn't hear anything back from, when I chased feedback they said I was over qualified. So just changing jobs isn't as easy as that. & is we can not afford for me to just leave & live off one salary.

I can afford to pay cut yes & I struggle massively with the effect on DD, she can't attend after school clubs, scouts anything like that etc. She attends every club she desires over summer holidays as they are more drop in drop out!

Daughter is never left alone. She goes to nanny's at 7.30pm for bed & I collect her at 7.20am.

I am interested in being a parent. But am I also interested in my career, and just because I am a woman doesn't mean I don't get to have one. Someone has suggested I think that I work 364 days a year? That is clearly not the case, I stated my hours. I have done this job for 2.5 years, ex partners shift made it easier, we crossed over slightly but had a Nanny for those 6 times a month who did have her own room, we don't live in that house anymore.

The 24 hour week is fantastic. I finish at 6 Wednesday Thursday having had the whole of Monday & Tuesday off and the whole weekend, we make big efforts to do things together in this time as we know the next week is pretty crappy.

I am able to drop onto continental days but we're still faced with pretty much the same problem.

Daughter has always spent a lot of time with grandparents, so yes she is back and too a lot but is used to spending time there. I was a single mum the first 5 years & I worked 6-2 2-10 Monday - Friday.

Does anybody have any experience with a nanny? Or know where I would even look?

Ours was a years old family fiends daughter who was qualified in all things she needed to be to look after her etc & had known DD since birth so slightly different to how we would work with one now. But she pretty much ran her wherever she needed to be, school, friends house, after school clubs, days out on the weekend we were working etc.

Although some people have made assumptions I'm thankful for the response, I can see how looking at the shift pattern from the outside must seem pretty crappy but for example in school holidays where most people spend 8-6 away from their child 5 days a week every week, I have a few weeks where it's only two days, and I'm home for 5. Also, the way I can use my holidays is much better than an office, to have a week off I use 2, for 16 days off I use 7. Shift work does have its perks. Especially nights in the week as I work while she's asleep and sleep while she's in school.

You’ve named your daughter in the last post, did you mean to?