CM Club - Mindee pinching toys + lying............advice please

[looneytune]

Morning

I've got a fairly new 3 year old mindee who i pick up from pre-school every afternoon. Almost every day she tries to take something that isn't hers and after a few times of dad saying 'that's not yours xxx' I decided to always check with the teachers before leaving. Well yesterday there was a toy hanging from her coat peg and the conversation went something like 'oh xxx is this yours' 'yes' 'are you sure it's not school's sweetheart' 'no, we got it from the shops the other day' and before I could say anything else, teacher overheard and said 'no, it's actually schools' (I was going to check anyway as these things have always been 'bought from the shop'!!)

I know it's probably just a phase she's going through but any tips would be great. I've asked things like how would she feel if she took a toy in and another child took it home etc.

My other problems are she lies a lot. I therefore have to presume that if she says someone has a toy she had first etc, that she's lying - she may be telling the truth sometimes but I've explained that if I haven't seen what happened then I can't presume she's telling the truth as I can't trust what she says at the moment (all said very nice and calm etc). She also seems to think that if she played with something half hour ago and someone else then plays with it as it's free, they've took HER toy. Things like this.

She's a really LOVELY girl apart from this, I really like her but the lies are causing a few rifts and I'd like to nip it in the bud as soon as possible.

One other thing she does is test me a lot (I'm sure because she's new) i.e. yesterday on a ride on toy she bashed into my back door on purpose so I just asked her nicely to please be careful not to hit things so what did she do.........looked right at me and did it again. That is when I said more firmly that that was NOT acceptable in my house and if she does something like that again, she won't be able to go on the ride on toy - she was fine after. We get on great, no problem there, she runs out of school calling 'Looneytune.........' which is lovely. I think she's just testing the boundaries.

Any tips on any of this would be great!

TIA

I am not sure I am much help but I don't think 3 year olds deliberately lie - they just say the first thing that comes into their heads and I don't think they really understand the whole possessions thing. Am sure she is testing you because you are new and she is finding the boundaries. Good luck!

I'm not very experienced in parenting matters but I do have a 3.5 dd. If it's any help, we're having difficulties with both these very same issues currently so it could be developmental.

My dd is going through a phase of always having to take something with her to hold on to (we live in a house with lots of stairs and she won't go from one floor to the other, or out in the car, without taking some toy or bit of plastic with her. It drives me mad because I'm left collecting all this detritus up and carrying it back to where it should be!!) But I see it as more of a security thing than a stealing thing. She does occasionally take things from school but I just say "that's from school, we'll take it back in the morning" and I make sure she does!

The lying thing is a bit more tricky. I'm not entirely sure that my dd has quite grasped the concept of the difference between lying and telling the truth. Perhaps more experienced Mnetters can help with this one!? My dd makes up lots of different stories and has a great imagination so I don't want to stifle that, but I do want her to be able to tell the truth about important matters. So I'm just trying to help her with the concept at the moment, teaching her about "what is pretend" (a pig flying across the ceiling!!) and "what is real" (she has left her muddy boots on the kitchen floor).

Hope that helps!!

One of our friends DD used to tell lies ALL the time

Her mum was sold insurance from home and so would also tell lies to get businesss iyswim

So IMHO the DD learnt that the mum told lies and so she did too

In the end we never believed anyhting either of them said

They just couldn't be trusted She is now 12 years old and am sure she probaly does it still

We haven't seen them for years cos they moved away

So please nip it in the bud now

hi!

Ive worked with this age group for around 14 years in both a nursery setting and nannying, and I have to say its a really common behaviour in that age group! dont worry!

In recent studies, it was actually reportd that children who lied were more intelligent than children who didnt.

They dont do it to purposely be decetful like an older child would, its all about experimenting with their abilities, even at this young age.

The best way Ive dealt with it, which has alwys has good results, was to really praise when they told me the truth, even if it wasnt what i wanted to hear, if they admit to taking something praise them for telling the truth, but explain how its wrong to take things/hurt people etc, and how that person feels whe they take their things from them.

explain 'how would they feel if their favourite toy was taken away from them? Its not a nice feeling it makes us sad'

Its really nothing to worry about, it sounds as if youve got it sussed, its probably a good idea to chat to her parents about it too.have they noticed any of this behaviour?

Oh no, I know they don't do it DELIBERATELY and I agree about it being a sign of an intelligent child I'm just after tips for how to deal with it but it looks like I've been doing the right things so hopefully it will be ok. Funny enough, this little girl also needs to keep toys with her at all times - she collects a pile and walks about with them (although I've told her she can carry a couple of things as long as she can safetly concentrate on where she's going etc - not hold the HUGE bundle she was at the start! ) I'm sure it's a security thing too as she doesn't actually play with them, she just keeps a pile by her side but won't let anyone else touch them. I know this lo is too young to understand telling thr truth/lying and I do the same thing, give examples and try my best to explain what it all means. I've made a big fuss when she's been honest with me, even if it's a naughty thing - just hoping it encourages her to WANT to tell the truth

Thanks for the advice, hopefully it won't continue for long

Sorry, but you rang my alarm bells with the last post. I had and still have a child who was exacltly the same as you are describing, but it was the toy hoarding that rang the bell. For further info mail me on [email protected]

oh dear, should i be worried? I'll email you as i'm curious now

I'm really curious now...please tell?

me too ....

we talked about whcih things were "really real" and which were "wouldn't it be nice if it were real" whuch seemed ot be a saving face things when they don't want to (and you don't want to have to make them) back down.