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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

AIBU? Noise at childminder and concentration

32 replies

OperaPanda · 08/08/2018 13:28

Hi, I'm a FTM and probably unreasonable but I'd like to get people's opinions.

I think I've found a great childminder. She's warm and friendly, cooks fresh foods and has very few kids. My daughter (9months) will be the youngest there and I'm pretty sure she'll receive a lot of attention. But I did a settling in session today and a few things have unsettled me.

Basically, I'm a single child and my daughter is my first so our life is quiet. I'm a bit old fashioned but I'm happy it is that way. People often comment on how calm and focused she is and encouraging this is a priority for me. I was the type of child who could sit down with a book for an hour aged three and, if ever she's the same, I'd like to help her grow that way as I think it's a great skill to have nowadays. Also have time to think, be bored, be in your world.

Now, within twenty minutes of us being here, the childminder put her in a room with two other kids, turned on a light show and put nursery rhymes so loud that I started getting a headache. Kids were encouraged to "play" instruments but were just banging stuff around. My daughter started screaming and was hard to calm down. It was clearly too much for her. Now, the childminder said she'd get used to it and I'm sure she will. But I'm not sure I want her to!! In my book, you either play (but learn not to bang stuff too much) or sing along but not two at the same time or at least not with music to the max and not with a light show on top.
When she said there was an emphasis on music I was delighted as my parents were opera singers and i want her to grow up with music. But I didn't expect it would be this!?! The music was left on in the background the rest of the time and that really did my head in. She asked me if I had done any baby sensory stuff and I said no, and she seemed to think it was something to fix. We do a lot of music at home, I sing and play instruments, she does too, we listen to everything from symphonic to reggae and R&B but at an appropriate level. And if we don't listen actively, we turn it off after a while as silence is also important.

Basically, I don't want to seem unrealistic as I of course realise a childminder will be noisy due to children being around and that's ok. But what I'm asking is: do you think my concern is ridiculous? Or do we think this constant display of noise and excitement and lack of focus can destroy my child's ability to concentrate?

I asked about quiet play time and she said they have it once a day after naps.

What's your experience?
I like this childminder so I'm after reassurance I guess.
Thanks a lot!

OP posts:

Seniorschoolmum · 08/08/2018 13:39

I think it will be hard to find a child minder or nursery that isn’t noisy for a major part of the day. My childminder’s house was noisy for about 70% with only quiet play (pre-nap) and nap time being quiet
When your dd goes to school, she’ll have to cope with lots of background noise there too. Getting her accustomed to it may not be a bad thing.

ReevaDiva · 08/08/2018 13:42

I think you sound as if you have quite a definite idea of who - and how - your daughter is going to be as she grows up. But maybe she won't be like your vision at all!

If the childminder is caring and kind then I think I'd sit back and see how it unfolds. Your daughter isn't you - in the kindest way.

You either play or sing but not both? You have quite rigid expectations of what is correct and what isn't.

Scaredandshattered · 08/08/2018 13:42

I'm afraid of you want quiet then you will have to find a quiet nanny or Au pair. Most child minders will be pretty loud

BakedBeans47 · 08/08/2018 13:44

You might be best looking for a nanny.

Echo2 · 08/08/2018 13:45

C/m not for you.
Go with a nanny.

MsOliphant · 08/08/2018 13:47

Then you should seriously think about getting a nanny who can fulfill your expectations and wishes over how your daughter spends her day.

continuallychargingmyphone · 08/08/2018 13:47

If you’re a full time mum, why are you needing a childminder? Are you going back to work?

Racecardriver · 08/08/2018 13:47

All childminders and nurseries will be a bit noisy but not like that. I would look elsewhere.

MsOliphant · 08/08/2018 13:48

Also ScaredandShattered Au Pairs are NOT meant for the sole care of a very young child.

HostaToFortune · 08/08/2018 13:48

Unless you employ a nanny in your own home, you are not going to get that level of quiet. Of course the presence of additional children and adults means extra noise. I’m surprised that you feel that your DD wouldn’t want the company of other children and adults. Why not? I’m nothing at all convinced that being quiet and focused for long periods is something you should or even can encourage in small children’s. Most of them are, by nature, easily distracted and excitable.

We see a lot of posts from parents concerned that their three year old spends too long focussing on one thing and that this signifies something concerning. I’ve never met a 3 year old yet who would be happy with a book for an hour and, to be honest, I would think it was a bit strange if they did.

NerrSnerr · 08/08/2018 13:49

My daughter is quiet and takes herself away to play and has attended nursery since she was 1. She's about to go to school. I don't think nursery/ childminder or you will change her personality. I wouldn't get fixated on how you want her to be though, she'll be her own person and there's nothing wrong with being a bit more boisterous at times.

Echo2 · 08/08/2018 13:50

But I’m with you op. This particular c/m does sound a bit over the top, my dc would have hated all that noise! All sounds a bit too much.

NerrSnerr · 08/08/2018 13:51

I will add that she loves playing PJ Masks etc and running around the garden with her friends. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

PotteringAlong · 08/08/2018 13:54

You’re objecting that small children are banging stuff rather than playing instruments properly? I think you’re going to find this really hard and might echo the nanny suggestion.

Raspberry88 · 08/08/2018 13:54

I think the OP means first time mum. I have a lot of sympathy OP, I am the sort of person who likes peace and quiet (and have a background in opera too!!) I know my 9mo DS would struggle in a situation like this...he even finds it hard when we visit my parents as everyone wants to play and engage with him and are very loud and he likes to just potter around with his toys and come to other people in his own time. I'm afraid I can't be too much help as I'm staying off work with DS but what I would say is that your DD will turn out to be how she will be, I don't think something like that will ruin her concentration span. It might be worth mentioning to the childminder that she struggles with too much noise and maybe she can find a quite corner for your DD a few times a day so she can have some quiet time!

MsOliphant · 08/08/2018 13:54

I shouldn't think as a childminder she does that constantly every day. She'll do a range of stuff.

Fenwickdream · 08/08/2018 13:56

With such a firm belief in how things are best or meant to be you are going to have to keep a very tight rein on your daughter because there’s a whole World out there with different personalities and beliefs.

She’ll be what she’ll be. But obviously the less time she spends with you and you alone the less that she will be just like you.

I was once at pick up at my childminder and heard another Mum bollocking the childminder because the child had started using the word “annoying”. The child was about 3 or 4 and according to the women it was not a word they would use at home so she was dismayed this word had been used at childminders. I couldn’t help but think get real woman, there’s loads of other kids here of all ages and you expect it to be exactly like your home? I don’t think a childminder is right for someone with such high expectations and if it’s that important to you it’s time to give up work and homeschool.

MrsA6 · 08/08/2018 14:04

I agree with PPs who suggest a nanny in your home may suit you better at the moment. I don't think the CM would change for you although neither do l believe the loud noises would affect your baby's concentration. However it's key that YOU are comfortable with her childcare and I don't think you are? Would a nanny be feasible for your family?

FlotSHAMnJetson · 08/08/2018 14:07

My 3 year old will sit quietly with a book for an hour but he is about as far from a calm and quiet child as you can get 😂

My 9 month old is also very quiet because she's a baby, it's what they do, she babbles but has yet to discover the joy of inane questions, singing and general toddlerness.

itsaboojum · 08/08/2018 23:15

Absolutely nothing wrong with your thought process. Nothing wrong with the childminder either, but it's the wrong sort of childcare for your aims and expectations.

First you need a very biddable nanny who will follow your wishes. You then need to reorganise your career and lifestyle around the need to homeschool your child. Alternatively, revise your expectations.

jannier · 09/08/2018 14:11

Go and visit her at a few other times I doubt its noisy like that all the time.
Quiet time means children doing a quiet activity not that its the only time no noise is on in the background, but some do have background noise others don't. personally I think its a balance.
The music session of children exploring noise sounds perfect as that is how they discover natural rhythm rather than tapping along to a metronome time for that later.
Sensory play has a place not sure Id do a full on one for a new child but no harm.
Your child will discover her own interests they may not be yours but she's not you. You can have noise and fun and still love books and quiet times, School life is noisy and has distractions developing focused attention is a skill that needs practicing not an isolated box with no distractions.

saltnvinegarchips · 09/08/2018 14:16

My son's nursery was never horribly noisy. Kids chattering and busy yes, but never music blaring and bashing instruments. I wouldn't like that either. What qualifications does she have?

jannier · 09/08/2018 14:27

saltnvinegarchips - some setting don't get music out unless Ofsted are there because they don't like the noise but if they are out unless its a one at a time play for 2 minutes then next ones turn they will be bashing instruments - were you there all day every day it doesn't tend to happen at drop of and collection?

whathappenedtherethen · 09/08/2018 14:35

I agree with other pp. a nanny sounds a better option for you. Nurseries and childminders adhere to strict early years statutory guidance and areas of development and learning, this includes banging musical instruments. There are a whole host of aspects to be covered and it gives all early years providers opportunities for observations to go with next steps in the child's learning journey. I doubt very much she will do the music thing everyday. Everything a child does or doesn't do, is observed and next steps planned accordingly. We are all unique! (That's a quote from early years btw)

saltnvinegarchips · 09/08/2018 14:37

My son went to daycare and kindy at the same place from 9 months until he started school. (Australia, am not in the UK) I got to know the teachers well over that time and was well aware of how they structured their day. They had times they played instruments but not with music blaring and a light show. The kindy had video you could watch on your phone from an app if you felt like seeing what your child was up to.

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