Leaving baby with the in-laws!

[Babybear1117]

Hi 👋🏽
I'm after some advice. Our baby girl is 6weeks tomorrow and we've been invited out on Thursday. We've been out to birthdays twice since she has been born, once when she was about 3 weeks and once yesterday. My parents have looked after her on both occasions - my partners parents also attended both of these occasions.
We have now been invited out this week and my mum said she would look after our little one. My partner has said his mum and Dad could look after her, now I really don't want to be 'that mum' but this seriously gives me THE worst anxiety ever, for him it's his parents who he of course trusts so much but I'm petrified of leaving her with anyone other than my partner or my parents. I know I need to grow up and do it but it's getting to me so much! (We were at their house previously and doing some work in the garage while they looked after her inside the house and they came and got us to change her nappy because they didn't want to do it?! This is another reason, so are they not going to change her if needed? Baffles me)
I am exclusively breastfeeding so it would be no longer than a couple of hours but I really don't know what to say. I even hated leaving her with my parents for the first time I cried my eyes out - wimp I know! Just so full of emotions right now these bloody hormones!
Any advice or stories would be much appreciated!

As they didn't want to change her nappy, maybe they won't want to look after her so young? If not, problem solved!

But if they would like to, I can see that your partner thinks it's fair that they have the opportunity as your parents have. Imagine if you had a son in future and you weren't trusted to babysit for his DC but his in-laws were - how would you feel? It's only for a couple of hours and they can phone you if anything happens!

@Cherubfish I know it completely baffled me?! I was like just get her clean she doesn't bite. Maybe I have a strong stomach but she's breastfed so it's hardly a crime scene in there haha!
I know this is what I've been trying to do... out myself in their shoes. It's just so difficult

Unless you have real doubts about their physical or mental abilities you need to let them be grandparents. if you show favouritism now it could be very damaging for all your relationships in the future. Baby is only 6 weeks old so I'm guessing the nappy incident was not today, could they be sensing your possessiveness and have come to get you so they didn't upset you?
I would always check with my DIL first if she were there so as not to look like the controlling MIL. I change nappies all day long but its her baby not mine so wouldn't take over.

@jannier I know I really don't want to look like I'm favouring one set of grandparents more than the other I just don't feel comfortable leaving her there right now but maybe I never will and just need to bite the bullet and do it. We did say all her things nappies wipes etc were in her bag but they just passed her to my partner and then on the next occasion when one of them was holding her passed her back to be changed I just find it a bit strange especially the time we were working.
I will probably have to just get over it just makes my anxiety flare up so bad

Thanks for the reply though!

You’re anxiety isn’t that bad if you’ve left your 6 week old baby 3 times to go out at night...

Its unusual for parents to leave their babies so early so I agree with
PotteringAlong. I don't think not wanting to change a baby when parents are their is that odd many dads wont do it if mums about which seems to be common (unreasonable sexist etc but not uncommon) it doesn't mean they wouldn't if they are on their own you just need to do it once and like you say its only a couple of hours.

You don't want to cause a family split but by favouring yours over his you will do.

It’s still very early so if you don’t feel comfortable then don’t do it. At a certain point it’s good to bite the bullet but I’m thinking more at a year of you still feel this way rather than 6 weeks

My mum is incredible with my boys but if I'm anywhere near will hand my boys back for a change. Even my 18m old I don't think she's ever changed anything other than a wet nappy. She said she'll do it if needed but if I'm around it's up to me as she's done her share of dirty nappies in her life.

You need to do what you're comfortable with but do question whether you're truly happy leaving your baby at all. Six weeks is quite young to be left

Will you enjoy yourself if you go out and leave her with them? Or will you be fretting every second until you pick her up? If you won't be able to relax then don't do it, just wait until she's less tiny and you're more confident about them looking after her

Ask your partner who he is prioritising, his baby or his parents. Does he think his baby's needs will be as well cared for by his parents as by yours?
Your baby is so young, you decide what's best for baby and for your state of mind.

She's still so tiny, pretty sure I would have felt the same. I used to hate it when my in-laws barged me out the way offered to push the pram when mine were tiny! Logically I knew they were perfectly safe and I'd grit my teeth and let them have their 'turn' but my hormones would be screaming at me to grab my baby back!

I wouldn't have enjoyed a night out at that age anyway. Have they offered to have her or is it just your dp thinking they might like to?

If she was six months, and they were keen to babysit, it would be a bit different but, at this age, you should do what you feel most comfortable with - it's not like you are saying you don't trust them with her at all.

Hi OP. If you have already left your baby with your parents twice and now refusing to leave with in-laws I think you are potentially going to cause some conflict with both your partner and your in-laws. All grandparents should be treated the same unless there is any genuine reason why they are not capable. Not liking changing a nappy isn't going to be an issue for just 2 hours, just change baby when you drop off and then when you pick up.