CM CLUB: Can you suggest anything?

[PinkChick]

a fellow cm of mine was chatting yest while we had all the LO's out, she has a mindee who has been with her over a year(shes been doing this a bit longer than me and he was her first mindee).
she looks after him, accomodates his varying hours due to mum and dadas shift changes, take s him places, has fun, keeps him safe..but she said she doesnt feel a bond with him?..that its more like a 'job' as oppsoed to doing something you like as she feels 'closer' to her other mindees.
now i have mindees whom i feel closer too too than others, but she said she just doesnt feel attatched to this Lo and it makes things hard cos she thinks she should so feels guilty about it.
he is full time and as she DOES look after him well she doesnt want to give notice, but asked if i could suggest anything to her????..i cant but wondered if any of you could?

off to school trip with dd this morn so will check back later..i wont see her again till next mon, so no rush.
thanks guys

anyone?, been on school trip and hoped for some replies..mind you i did say no rush

How old is the mindee PC?

dont know what to suggest
i have lots of mindees and feel close to some than others
mindees birthday today he is 2yrs old and i have no bond with him whatsoever, mum is so lovely (cause sometimes you cant bond because of the parents) i have made him a party dinner, given him presents but dont feel like i did when it was the other mindees 2nd birthday 4 wks ago, sometimes i feel guity but you cant, i would never let any harm come to him
sorry not been much help

he's 4

i know dp says to me that i am more 'mrs doubtfire' with some than with others, but the very little ones i have, you, or rather i, tend to be more like that with them cos they ARe so small??, dunna, but shes unhappy with her lack of bond, but its like me and my brother, we dont see each other right now, but even when we did, im his sons godmother and i never grew close to him?, think sometuimes you jsut dont

I hope people don't get the wrong idea from this post but wanted tbh as I feel this cm has been very bold to tell you this and I admire her honesty.
I think this cm shouldn't be so hard on herself. You have to be realistic and realise that you will not form a special bond with every mindee you care for, their are some that I love, sone I like and some that I find very hard to 'like'. These children all get the same quality of care from me and are all treated equally as I am professional in my work. If you worked in an office you would not expect to build up a camaraderie with every empolyee, and it is the same working with children.
She may find that if the child were on holiday or if she had a week off she would miss this little mindee, esp if he is full time, that's a lot of hours to look after him and when she is due a break I feel it will put it into perspective for her.

yes i think your prob right Kay, i had probs with one of mine at start and was really hard work, then she was off for two weeks and i found i surprised myself cos i really mmissed her.
think claires prob tbh is that she thinks she should feel diff?

well said kay.

its true, you cant always form bonds with the children in your care. when i worked in a nursery, there were obvious favourites (not that we ever let on as that would be highly unproffesional), but there were children who were so sweet, but you just couldnt bond with.

I'm sure shes a wonderful cm, she shouldnt beat herself up over this.

Yes, I thought she was brave too Kay. Very difficult to know what to say really. Real shame, and unfortunate that it is her first mindee too. Is it the only mindee she has? Does she really, really want to do this job? Afterall, just because you enjoy your own children, doesn't mean you enjoy everyone elses!
Maybe its his age? EG - I love 2 year olds, but 7 year olds are not much fun!!
Is she having these feelings because she doesn't really want to look after him, but doesn't want to let the family down (or lose the money of a fulltimer)? There's no shame in not getting along with a child, but continuing to look after him, mightn't be the best idea.
This post is going all over the place, I'm just firing questions at you! Sorry

Hiya MML, i dont know, she just basically blurted out about not 'enjoying' looking after him, she does have other mindees, havent seen her with them tho, i think one is older and she does have a couple of after shcoolys.
i know she does need the moeny as he is full time and still will be even when he goes to nursery as its only half days, but i think she 'wants' to make it work and 'wants' to enjoy working with him.
i knwo from past employement, you dont always 'like' who you work with but in this business its different as theyre children, i think she got the impression it would be all fun but is now realising what hard work it actually is..i however have almost 4 days off now so dont want to rub her nose in it, so will wait to speak at group mon.
saying that all ive done is paint and clean!, not much like time off