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CM Club - DP just said that he wants me to get a 'proper job'!

21 replies

star1976 · 17/05/2007 21:34

Due to money troubles caused by lack of mindee's at the moment!

He really does not seem to understand that we would be SO much worse off financially if I went to work full time, purely because of what I would have to PAY in childcare!!!!

Not forgetting that, I don't want to work full time in an office!

I love being able to spend time with my DS (15 months) and DD (8 years) and mindee 1 really is part of the family now!

He's really upset me! And all started because we have run out of sugar!!!!! Bastard!!

OP posts:

fransmom · 17/05/2007 21:38

why couldn't he get his own sugar? men!

err, looking after children is a proper job. does he know how hard it is to look after children? i have recently started a cm course and it's harder than it initally appears - there's so much that you have to think about isn't there?

hope you get more mindees soon!

fm x


crace · 17/05/2007 21:40

Star - me too, I would have to pay £36 per day in childcare for just my dd, and before/after school care for my ds - it would be pointless for me to go to work.

I hear you, we don't have mindees galore here either - and it's hard for me to justify my decision. Put it all down in black and white for him, how much you would earn and how much childcare would be.

Hang in there


LynetteScavo · 17/05/2007 21:43

Show him, written down on paper exactly how much worse off you'd be if you had to pay for child care.
Point out just how unhappy you and DC's would be if you worked. (Bet he hasn't even thought of that!)
Hope you find some new mindees soon!


MaureenMLove · 17/05/2007 21:47

Oh star, poor you! I think we've all had that conversation. I know I'm going to get it again soon too. My only lo is starting secondary school in September and she will need me around less and less and I know he will drop it into conversation at some point.
Have you been doing it long?

Crace - We are staying in Rye, I'll give you a wave on the way thru!


OFSTEDoutstanding · 17/05/2007 21:59

Poor you I am im the same situation. My dh doesnt seem to realise that I am at work when mindees are there and thinks i can just make him a cup of tea when he wants one etc!!! He made a cooment the other day about when ds goes to school i will be able to go out to work i was like wtf!!!! His parents also dont think I work and regularly try and call in for a coffee to see my ds even when I have a house full of mindees. Luckily they know nothing about OFSTED so I have now told them that is a huge offence and I risk losing my certificate if they keep turning up unnannounced!!!!


fransmom · 17/05/2007 22:00



fransmom · 17/05/2007 22:01

does the name mean you got an outstanding inspection????


Katymac · 17/05/2007 22:03

I avoided this conversation by
a) starting minding after DD started school
b) registering DH as a minder
c) making him the house husband while I go out to work


OFSTEDoutstanding · 17/05/2007 22:04

I know I am naughty but you don't have to put up with them poor ds was quite happy to lay in their arms when he was a tiny baby but now they think I have turned him against them just because he actually wants to get off their lap and play when they are here. (I have also told my dh that OFSTED do spot checks and if he doesnt tidy up after himself and put his tools away after he has finished or leave things on the stairs I could get shut down!!!) I know I am soo mean!!!!
Was really worried when I had my inspection that he might ask her if it was true what I tell him


OFSTEDoutstanding · 17/05/2007 22:05

Yes it does mean I got an outstanding inspection used to have a really boring nick name til someone on here suggested I change it to this


fransmom · 17/05/2007 22:07



OFSTEDoutstanding · 17/05/2007 22:24

Thanks was a really nice surprise especially as have only been a cm for 6 months. Was a nanny for 15 years before that and changed to childminding once my ds was born and the children I nannied for got too old to need me full time was with them 10 years and still see them now


Mum2Luke · 17/05/2007 22:25

I have the same thing with my other half. I am a childminder looking after OUR 5 yr old, a 13 mth old and a 4 yr old and he thinks I should do the housework while they are here.I have to keep telling him that parents do not pay me to vac and polish, they pay for care of their child/ren.

Sometimes I would love to go out, I did try it last yr, working in a nursery as a casual nursery assistant even though I was NVQ Level 3 qualified and had to find the money to PAY a childminder while I was still registered. We don't get any help and my parents are not local so I went back to minding. I am thinking of doing NVQ level 4 as I would need it to work in a managerial position in a nursery should I leave childminding one day, I dont know what i'll be doing in 4+ years.

OFSTED are making our job less and less enjoyable by introducing observations, assessments and having to do more and more training courses in our own time. Anyone agree?


fransmom · 17/05/2007 22:32

even though am only just doing the course, there does seem to be alot of paperwork to complete already


dmo · 17/05/2007 23:37

must be very lucky then dh knows i am doing a proper job like katymac i only started cm when my children were at school
i earn more ££ than dh but work longer hours
dh understands i cant shop and clean when i'm working so we do online shopping and hire a cleaner twice a week (she even does all my ironing) i now just have to focus on the children and my weekends are cleaning/shopping free (well except for clothes shopping )


KaySamuels · 18/05/2007 07:10

After reading this I feel I should publicly rejoice my dp! I don't big him up very often but he sees how stressful cm'ing is, comes home from a long day at work and puts he kettle on for me, helps me tackle the mountian of pots and buys me chocolate! DP you are a star! (gonna show him this later!)

I too would lose more money in childcare than I could earn and dp understands that. I agree that the amount of paperwork and red tape gets more contentious everyday and does makethe job less palatable and more stressful.


star1976 · 18/05/2007 20:41

Made a point of working it all out and showing DP how much worse off we would be if I was working full time needing childcare! (Cause apparently working 52 hours a week childminding isn't working full time????)

Basically, by childminding I can cover the bills that are my responsibility (been having problems as one mum pays weekly but I need monthly, but am sorting that)!

With me working, I would have a shortfall of at least £250 a month!!!!

Hopefully that will shut him up!!!!!!

And yes he is capable of buying his own bloody sugar! It's just that food shopping is my responsibilty, so he moans about even popping to the shop and putting his hand in his pocket for milk for our son!!!

OP posts:

LoveMyGirls · 20/05/2007 19:32

I would change the way you both handle money before i considered working another job etc.

You are in it together, money (imo) should be shared/ joint especially when children are involved.

Who buys things for ds? Splitting money seems like a huge waste of time and effort, you have enough to do.


star1976 · 20/05/2007 21:13

He pays the mortgage and the life insurance. I pay everything else. Which sounds a lot but no where near what he pays. It is what we agreed before I moved down here.

Childminding took ages to take off but I finally managed to quit my weekend job in March cause I have a new mindee, and income is enough to pay everything (but not enough for any wild nights out or extravagant spending). Just been having teething problems cause they wanted to pay weekly so said i would give it a go, but now know I need monthly to be able to pay everything on time.

DP cannot understand what difference it makes and when I tried explaining it we had the huge row.

Anyway, shaved my legs and armpits with his razor this morning!!! Made me feel better!

OP posts:

crace · 21/05/2007 09:22

Star - ha! Very funny - little does he know eh???


star1976 · 21/05/2007 19:00

Oh there are many things he doesn't know!

Like when I drop his pork chop on the floor (accidently) and still give him it!

Or when I find the cat licking the gravy off his chicken dinner and just pour more on and don't tell him!!!

OP posts:
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