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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

New Au pair - need some help/advice

21 replies

shoutinginasoundproofedroom · 30/03/2018 20:14

My new au pair arrived this morning. We spent the first half of the day in the kitchen just chatting and crafting with my youngest, ate lunch and then at about 1pm she went to her room, and I haven't seen her since!

now the potential issue......I have two great Danes. If you know the breed you will know that they are kind and gentle, and just BIG!
She knew about them, I talked about them, she 'met' them on Skype, and said she was fine. She took one look at them and wouldn't go near them.

I know its early days, but the dogs are such a fundamental part of our lives. any advice?

Or do I go back online and start preparing a plan B....

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

newhopewithanyluck · 30/03/2018 23:50

Oh dear, that doesn’t sound great!

5exybomb · 31/03/2018 00:44

I have has several aupairs and from my experience I can say that when they first arrive they really miss home and feel quite scared. I think two great dames even though they are as soft as anything will be very threatening to this aupair as they are big dogs in size and she wont know that they are just lovely softies. I remember my aupairs staying in their rooms for a while when they arrived, you want to set up your room and chat to home etc.
We have had so many aupairs, some successful that stayed years and some a disaster and the ones I made the effort with lasted much longer than the ones I did'nt.
I would suggest making an effort to get them involved in cooking and eating the family meals, help you cooking, chat as much as possible etc etc.
Good luck!

GlitterFree · 31/03/2018 01:21

She might have been exhausted by the journey and a little overwhelmed.

Treat her like you would a family member, they are after all generally very young, a long way from home and to a large extend, under your responsibility. She's only just arrived, so cups of tea, food, chat: make her feel comfortable and give her time to acclimatise to your dogs -maybe from a distance to start with. Also don't expect her to guess what you need from her, show her, ask clearly, praise and thanks.
Au pairs can be great but they do not come formated to the particular needs of your family, you need to care a little.

Puffycat · 31/03/2018 01:29

Get rid now.
You don’t have the time or energy to piss about with her feelings about your dogs
If that’s the problem then goodbye!

Puffycat · 31/03/2018 01:31

Ps she sounds like trouble, dogs or no dogs

Steeley113 · 31/03/2018 01:32

She’s probably fallen asleep after a long journey! Give her chance!

Puffycat · 31/03/2018 01:34

2Scooby Doo’s!

underneaththeash · 31/03/2018 07:06

I also think that she was tired and overwhelmed, speaking a foreign language can be tiring too.
I tend to give mine a bit of space initially just to settle in.

We also have a friend with a huge dog (I don't think its a great dane, but it is massive and hairy) and even though I'd warned my boys about it, DS1 who is taller than me, just turned white when he met it. Big dogs can just take some getting used to.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 31/03/2018 08:56

PuffyCat, you sound like an absolute arse.

It’s her first day, she’s quite possibly a little overwhelmed by them and the rest of the day, give her a few days, give her a chance to settle down and don’t just write her off already

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 31/03/2018 08:58

And Great Danes are intimidating...no matter how lovely they are (which she wouldn’t know immediately) they are fucking massive! So allow her a chance to get used to them because I can guarantee that look much bigger then they did on skype! That takes a bit of getting used to

LemonysSnicket · 31/03/2018 12:08

Is she supposed to unpack and get settled when you’ve all gone to sleep or something? Give her some time to sort her room out, her new life out, to call her mum.
And Great Danes are shockingly big in person rather than on video, she doesn’t know them yet and tbh a huge animal with teeth who doesn’t know me yet I would also be wary of for a while. She’ll get used to them.

OVienna · 31/03/2018 12:16

Is this your first AP? Sometimes they do need to grab some space when they arrive. How is her English? We have found this behaviour is much more common when it's moderate to weak. Stronger speakers tend to stick around downstairs.

Re the dogs: how exactly did she react? Was she visibly terrified and/or said something or do you think you could maybe be overreacting? Do you need her to walk them?

AuntLydia · 31/03/2018 12:19

Why does she need to go near them? I don't particularly like dogs, they don't bother me much but I wouldn't go out of my way to pet and fuss them. Is interacting with them and looking after them part of her job?

Mamabear12 · 01/04/2018 08:33

Geez, I feel sorry for your au pair! She just arrived in the morning and you had her spend half the day crafting and then wondering about plan b because she went to her room probably to rest after her travels?! I would think on day of arrival the au pair would want to rest and unpack her things. Get herself sorted in the room and maybe check out the area. When our au pair started we did not expect her to work or stay with us the entire first day. Sure a nice chat yes, but not half a day of chatting. It can be tiring speaking in a second language. Give her a chance before you look for plan B. And some people are fine with dogs, but they just do not want to be all over them. Are you planning to have her take care of them? If yes, then she definitely needs to feel comfortable around them. But if she is not going to care for the dogs, then I would think its up to her if she wants to go close to them or not.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 01/04/2018 10:37

Since she arrived in the morning, she must have got up at night for her flight! She must have been sleeping I guess. My plane landed at 11.30am
yesterday from the UK (am on hols at another European country). Had to get up at 3am to get a morning flight!

underneaththeash · 03/04/2018 08:03

How is she settling in OP?

surlycurly · 05/04/2018 19:53

All my au pairs have spent the first day in their rooms settling in. They need to unpack and speak to their families. It's a lot to process. I'm actually a bit shocked that you're thinking about a plan b. This girl has given up her life to come and live with you... she's not an internet purchase you send back if you don't like it.

OVienna · 06/04/2018 13:51

It would be helpful to have an update. If she said outright she's terrified of the dogs/doesn't like dogs then I can see why the OP would be cutting her losses sooner rather than later.

she's not an internet purchase you send back if you don't like it. I think this is a bit harsh. If the OPs never had anyone live in their house before, I can see why you might panic if you got the strong feeling it was about to go pear shaped.

DullAndOld · 06/04/2018 13:53

god Puffycat you sound delightful...

OP, give her a chance, she might be tired and overwhelmed today...

OVienna · 06/04/2018 14:04

I missed the bit about crafting the morning she got there.

Pengggwn · 14/04/2018 11:09

Give her a chance. She's probably asleep. She'll get used to the dogs.

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