CM Club - Mindees here at dinner time but not HAVING dinner.......

[looneytune]

Do any of you have mindees who stay with you til the later time but not have dinner? I had a new pre-schooler start on Thursday and she's here every day of the week from 2.45-6pm. Each day she's asked why she can't have her dinner here and I just say 'oh, because mummy and daddy want you to have it at home' and she asks 'why' and I just say 'you need to ask mummy/daddy that'. I just feel really bad as dishing up for the others and she looks like she feels left out

I'm hoping this will pass as she's just excited about being here as new (very excitable girl )

Also, what sort of snack would you think is enough for her to manage until she gets home?

TIA

BTW, I do interact with her whilst others have dinner, it's just that she's not eating with them that seems to bother her

Hi Looneytune it's a tricky one isn't it? I've not had this but I might consider doing something like carrot/cucmber sticks/ cubes of cheese and get her up at the table, all part of socialising the child and then hopefully she won't feel left out. Or how about good old bread and butter? (of course then you will get 'I want what they're having'). Or could parents be brought in on the discussion, see if they would approve of your giving her dinner, might make their life easier IYSWIM. Sorry just waffling really x

Yes I too have had this and would sit them at table with fruit or yoghurt or slice of toast too. May be worth asking parents tho, she's quite little til be having her tea at gone six isn't she?! Point out you will support them if they still want to stick to her having tea at home, but may be more relxing for them too if all they have to do is bed/bath time routine?

yes, I agree, by six pm it would be great I think if a pre-school age child had already had dinner! Maybe they are extremely healthy eaters (not that I'm assuming you're not BTW!) and they are worried you won't provide granary seeded lentil weaving fare?

I suppose it could just be that they want to keep meal time as a bit of family life; which would be fair enough.

I think definitely sit her up with maybe something light like cucumber/carrot sticks and a yog; you don't want to fill her up too much and that sort of thing i think could be enough for her to manage till she gets home. I know if my ds had had anything more carbohydratey and filling like toast he would not have eaten his dinner.

I've managed to avoid this situation, but it's one I dread! Have managed so far to convince parents that if they're picking up at 6-ish, they'll enjoy much more having some quality time, bath and bed rather than rushing to get tea on the table, gobbling it down then hurrying through bathtime. It does mean less "family time" but they could have family bath-time? Just a thought.
Think I'd bring it up in conversation with the mum and dad.

I have this with an after schooler, I talked to her parents and we agreed she can have dinner 2 days a week, still having a few teething problems though, they have snack when we get in and i give her a bit more than my kids have to tide her over but sometimes dd1 asks what we're having and if mindee wants it she says oh my mum said i can have dinner here today, i say well i havent spoken to her so i cant give you dinner today, i let her carry on playing while mine eat but she comes and stands by the table and disturbs dd1 when she is eating. Not sure what to do really, I can't give her another snack while they are eating because she already had snack and as soon as my kids have eaten i take her home and she her dinner there. Maybe i could ask her to read or watch tv for 20mins or something? Usually when children are eating im washing up the pots ive used and if i get chance i feed myself too.

Hi everyone, sorry for not replying sooner but I was out last night and this is the first chance I've had to sit down and pop on MN

I did check this thread before dad collected last night and asked if I could sit her at the table with some bits and he said fine. I have a feeling though she's going to want the same as the others? Will see tonight, although it's only ds for dinner.

The reason is definitely not because they want ultra healthy food, I think it's more because I provide healthy food and all she'll eat is fishcakes from what he said. I'm working on the idea that if mindee has dinner here once or twice a week, she may be less fussy because there will be socialising at the table etc. and from experience, if others are being praised for eating well, they like to do the same. I did say I'm very happy to provide a meal whenever they would like and he said he will speak to mum. I found out today that the family eat at 7pm each night so maybe he just wants to continue with that? Having said that, she's so tired as only turned 3 in December, always been with dad and then in January started pre-school all day every day and now me til 6pm. I think they'd have a nicer evening if they just had bedtime routine as her behaviour gets worse at the end of the day as she's so tired (to be expected).

So, for now I'll try bits of food and work on the parents to see if they'll allow her to share some meals. I think part of it COULD be that I charge £1.50 for an evening meal and they may see it as a waste if she won't eat it iyswim.

Hi
I found Mindee joining others at the table difficult, as when she first started coming I gave in and fed tea to the her when they wasn't paying for tea. I can never deny a child food, if they are hungary. (she started with snacks then wanted more more more)

I have a pre schooler & baby sibling that are here till 5pm. Parents decision was that they provide pureed food for baby which he has at 430, she then eats with mummy & daddy when she gets home. My DS(2) eats around 5-530pm.
At first my DS wanted tea too when I fed baby, which I did do, but then mindee wanted it too..

Now - I feed mindee baby 430pm, in kitchen whilst watching others play across in the lounge. I've by then (330 - 4pm) given snacks to mindee 3yrs/ my DS and they seems uninterested in baby being fed.. Mainly because I say "Do you want some?" and they see it and go yuk! I then have a family meal about 530pm.

It's easier for me as they are gone at 5pm, I dont think I could make someone wait till 6, it must be very difficult. I charge £1.60 but don't know if it the cost or the family routine that is the factor in this case.
anyway good luck

Oh meant to say I give a big hot lunch, so she is less hungary at tea time.

Ds has his dinner at 4pm with the cm and then has 'supper' with dp and I at about 6!

So the little monkey thinks it's perfectly normal now to have 2 teas