Settling in

[Rarotonga]

Hi. I just wanted to ask some other childminders how many settling in visits they recommend where the mum stays with the child?

I have a 12 month old little one who will eventually be attending for 3 days per week. I visited the childminder with him for around an hour, and the childminder visited us at home, both this week. I am supposed to be leaving him next week for a couple of hours without me (Both Tuesday and Thursday). I'm so worried this is too soon and he will struggle with this length of time. I trust the childminder and I do want to follow her lead as I know she has plenty of experience, but my gut is telling me he will be really distressed and I feel really guilty already.

He's my first and I have barely left him, so the anxiety is probably mostly mine!

When my DS started nursery at 1 I left him straight away at the advice of the staff. I sat in a coffee shop 5 minutes away expecting a phone call to say he was an emotional wreck. There never was a phone call. He was fine. He loves it there.

I hope it all goes well. Good luck.

@EclecticDream Thank you for sharing that, it's very reassuring to me

Honestly she will call if you’re needed, as childminders we don’t want to have a child completely distressed either.

I’ve never had a little one not cope with a two hour settling session. Yes of course they cry but I’m able to distract and soothe them and as we get to know each other, it gets easier and easier. That can’t be done with you around I’m afraid.

I find settling sessions more difficult if parents are there. You are best staying close by and letting him get on with it.

I've never in 7 years had to call a parent back to a settle, the children usually handle it better than the parents!!

Normally the child will have met me twice before they are left for an hour or two the parent is close by if needed but haven't had to call anyone back yet. I like to do a short visit first then a longer one ideally with a feed and sleep if it goes well that's it, if it doesn't we try again. Parents tend to need more settling than children.

Thank you so much for your replies and reassurances. Feeling much better about this coming week and beyond now. Thank you

They really don't settle until they're alone with the CM. She will start to bond with him in those 2 hours. Try and find something you need to do, so you're not just worrying. I normally suggest parents give themselves a treat, or go and get something they need for their return to work, or whatever will keep your mind occupied.

A good CM will call you if there are any problems.

Don't hang around when you drop off. Take a note if there's loads of stuff you want to tell her. Hand over the note. Cheery goodbye and enjoy 2 hours peace.

Honestly I know how much easier this is said than done, but please try not to worry. If I am ever doing a settling in session I would ALWAYS ring the parent straight away if their little one became distressed. As another poster has said you can sit in a cafe/park less than 5 mins from her house if you want and be there in minutes.
I have never had troubles settling a child in, except for the ONE time that the parents came to visit me a few times before the settling in session. The child had got used to the routine of the parent staying, and so was very confused when she left. It is FAR easier if they never expect the parent to stay, which is why I now only do one session with parents there, and then I proceed with 1-2 hours of settling in sessions without parents x

My 10 month old DS will be starting with the childminder after the Easter holidays and so far we've done a one hour session where I stayed, then a 2 hour session where I left him and a 4 hour session where I left him. He has not been bothered about being left and in fact got more upset by her husband (who also childminds with her) leaving the room than when I left.

Stepsroadmum-
I childmind with my partner and often find this too! Very odd

Thank you so much for your responses, I felt so much better after reading them. He's doing really well so far. Phew!