Settling in policy

[happychange]

My 13 month old will be starting at a Childminder's soon. He's generally quite a happy child but is always a bit anxious when in a new environment and meeting new people. He needs time to warm up to people.

I'm still breastfeeding him to sleep so I'm also a bit worried about how he will sleep.

My Childminder's settling in policy is just to go in for 1 hour for 3 days: I leave him at the door and hand him over to them.

Then it's full days for him, 8-6.

I'm terrified about this and am so anxious thinking about this. I know he will cry, and I can't help but think that he would be upset at me leaving him with strangers. I can't bear it when he cries so I don't know if I will be able to handle this.

I have offered to pay for more settling in days so will like some advice on how best to do this.

Ask to go before this for an hour and you stay with him. My dd sounds like your boy and her nursery settling policy was excellent. Stay for an hour; next day leave her for an hour but be nearby; next day leave her till after morning snack; next day leave till after lunch and nap; next day all day. I told them the best way to introduce themselves her was to ignore her ( she would shy away from strangers ), talk to me and let her approach them. It worked perfectly.

Leaving an anxious child with a stranger in a strange setting? That is a recipe for distress.

Gosh that is a pretty harsh settling in period!

I work in a nursery (and have a 3 year old)

We offer an hour with mum or dad, and then an hour later in thee week without and then build it up to two or three hours aiming for the child to eat and sleep at the setting. We usually do this over a 2-3 week period!

Could your ask your childminder for a bit more time?

For most children I do

1-2 hours
Morning
Afternoon
Start

But I always say to parents they can do more if they like.

I also recommend they start full time at least a week before parents return to work if possible.

Just talk to your CM. You may be surprised and find he settles fine, as it's a small home environment.

How many times have you and your child visited before now? I've generally had 3 or 4 meetings and play dates before settling in. So day one of proper settling would be a quick cheery goodbye see you in an hour. Are the visits timed to cover sleep and feeds? Have you got a tight deadline?

@jannier we have been twice but that's six months ago and it was for the interview. We haven't been since

I'm not sure if it's just me being precious and this is the standard settling in policy.. so thought I would post here to ask

Mine did 3 sessions to settle in
An hour with me there in the room with DD
Two hours, one with me in the room and the other with me waiting in the office
Two hours with me not there at all

I would discuss it with her say you feel its unsettling and would like a couple of short play date type sessions before leaving lo as its been so long and see what response you get she should be willing to work with you.

I do 3 or 4 meetings/play dates
1 hour ish on own
I 4 hour ish feed
1 longer feed and sleep
and then adjust according to how child settles so may do more if needed over the 4 weeks before starting.

I offer two free hours - can be with or without parent.

So long as you are paying why not do a few mornings or afternoons first before the full days?

Yeah I've Decided to pay for 5 full days before we start officially and will put him in for either afternoon or mornings , hope he will be fine

As a childminder I would defo offer more if you were paying. Currently (depending on situation) I would usually do an hour or so with or (preferably) without parent then a morning or afternoon (3/4 hours) incorporating either a sleep or a mealtime then another incorporating the other.

I wouldn’t worry about breastfeeding to sleep. Unless your little one is to overly fussy usually I find they act completely differently with me than they do with mum. Does cm have time to sit and settle lo or is she quite busy? I’m sure the cm will be able to settle your lo in easily we do it all the time.