How do those of you without family support cope financially?

[Musodad14]

Hi everyone,

I have never posted on this site before so I am sorry if this in the wrong place.

We were lucky to have a healthy baby girl nearly a year ago and as maternity has come to and end my wife has gone back to work. She works part time two days a week at the moment. When we moved to the area we assumed that being closer to family would mean free childcare as both sets of parents are retired and this was discussed, maybe not promised in the lead up the pregnancy. Due to health issues and distance, this has not materialised and we are now paying for two days worth of childcare that we can't really afford.

There is an opportunity for my partner to work an extra day however we would need more childcare for this and I am not sure it would be worth it. The other issue is that my wife cannot give up work because unfortunately I do not bring in enough to pay every bill and still have money for food etc.

We feel as though we are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I could potentially earn substantially more abroad somewhere like Dubai however we aren't in a position to move because of the health of our family members. Also the guilt taking away a first grandchild to another country after a year would be hard to bear. Other family members also have young babies so it be tough to remove our child form that social circle.

Other than just sucking it up, taking the financial hit and head into debt, I would be interested to hear what others have done.

A colleague of mine worked full time while bringing up her children and was paying around £1000 a month child care at one point. I don't want to suggest this to my partner as she wants to have time with the baby at this early stage which I completely understand but I can't think of another option.

As a Dad I feel powerless to help and guilty that I cannot bring more to the table in the short term but I am contemplating a weekend job to balance the books.

Any advice would be much appreciated!

I could not imagine how you would cope with both of you working full time as teachers unless you have a child that sleeps well and those mythical supportive schools I keep hearing about.

Everyone I know who has moved abroad in teaching say it is much better than the UK.

Our nursey offers term time only which reduced the childcare costs significantly.

I do think you are unreasonable to be expecting free childcare from parents especially as they did not outright offer.

I used to be a Teacher, and my DH is too. I’m now a sahm.

I really wanted to become a sahm, and my DH was also very keen for me to do so. We really didn’t think it’d be possible though, so looked into the costings and logistics of putting our DD into a nursery to enable me to go back to work. It was horrifying to see the costs involved, and trying to work out the logistics of it was a nightmare! Despite being at the top of my payscale at the time, after paying for a full time nursery place and my travel to work, I’d have been left with just over £100 per month!!! That’s just half of our council tax bill - ridiculous.

I looked into the costings for part time nursery places versus a part time salary, and again for me it just was not worth it. Logistically it would’ve been horrendous too. DH would have had to have taken DD to nursery in Central London (costing a lot more) via the tube at the busiest time. I worked outside of London on a long multiple train commute, and none of the nurseries near to my school were open early enough for me to drop her off and then get to school and have enough preparation time. DH has a position of responsibility and usually reaches home between 6.30-7.00pm every night. I would’ve therefore had to have travelled to Central London every night to collect our DD, after my horrible commute, to avoid paying further nursery fees!

Money is incredibly tight each month, and daily living has unfortunately seen us get into debt. We were very fortunate at the beginning, as a family member used to give us some money every month to help us (we never asked or expected, they just did), but due to their now ill health, they are no longer able to.

My DH now also works for a few hours at the weekend, and sometimes in the weekday evenings as a tutor. I have sold lots of items on EBay to help in whatever minuscule way that I can. If I could find something legal/non-sexual/not a con, that I could do from home that met my skill set, then I would apply and hope for the best. Perhaps your Wife may have more luck finding something that matches her skill set? I know that home working is more commonplace now, so perhaps she could have a look?

I’m creative, and have been making items to sell (hopefully) on Etsy. I may also try and do some tuition, but I’m due to give birth soon, so I wouldn’t be able to for a while yet. The problem is, that my DH gets home so late that I can only offer 8-10pm, or Sundays (our only time we usually get some semblance of family time). My experience is in creative subjects too, so I’m not confident that I’d get any, or much work anyway.

Very best of luck to you and your Wife.

^
A colleague of mine worked full time while bringing up her children and was paying around £1000 a month child care at one point. I don't want to suggest this to my partner as she wants to have time with the baby at this early stage which I completely understand but I can't think of another option.^

This is what we did. Two children in nursery for 2 years was just shy of £1000/ month, even accounting for childcare vouchers and early years funding once the eldest was 3.

It sucks, but as you have found, with no local family and “office hours” jobs there’s not much choice. We lived very modestly until the first child started school. Even now they are both at school, wrap around care and school dinners (only free in KS1) cost £500/month.

£1000 for 2 is cheap . My youngest DD is now 8 but I was paying £819 for 3 days per week in nursery 4 years ago!!

I won't even start to tell you how much it cost with twins!!

Sorry, that £1000 for 2 was for 3 days a week!

You can’t work extra shifts as teachers but you can boost income by tutoring, marking or a couple of shifts doing bar work or similar in the evening. You can work on playschemes or intensive revision courses during school holidays. You can become a centre manager for PGL or similar during school holidays.
It’s not easy but it is possible.
You can also get promotion through gaining additional qualifications and asking for greater responsibility at school.
You might have to move for promotion but teachers are in demand nationwide, so not a real issue. You might need to move several times for the right jobs but if money is important (and it is), you do it.
Teachers have huge earning potential if they’re prepared to make sacrifices and put in the hours earlier in their careers. Dan Moynihan has a package in excess of £500K.

It is difficult OP but you and your wife sound like you have a steady income and a lot more time than other MN members, I think you may need to look at childcare vouchers you would defo get them, really look at your out going's- no luxuries run one car buy second hand etc cheaper groceries and accept having a young family is tough. If all else fails maybe look at an extra income but I reckon most people could live off 1 decent wage with a bit of imagination. Straight away only having 1 car helps.

Thank you for all of your replies, really interesting to hear all of your thoughts. A few of you have mentioned Childcare vouchers. After reading the messages earlier I tried the childcare voucher and it said I was not eligible. I have no idea if that was the correct site though. Is there a technical term for them? Do I need to call up?

I think that there are a few different voucher schemes, you need to ask your work which they use, my dps work use one called Kiddivoucher. You set up and account and an amount can be deducted from your salary and you transfer it to your childcare provider? The amount you can get is capped depending on how much you earn.

Your school HR ahould be able to help with childcare vouchers. Basically you buy the voucher through payroll and they come off your wages before tax.

@Musodad14 ask your employer, they will know in your HR dept what scheme you use? I'm self employed and get the tax free childcare for 20% reduction but some schemes are more

No family support at all not even a night a year babysitting. Rather than put DD1 in nursery 13 hours a day and me earn peanuts we moved to the other end of the country and I gave up my career.

We just had to suck it up i’m afraid. I had two children very close together so was paying childcare for two when I went back to work part time.
As said it is cheaper to pay a child minder than a nursery (costs can vary from area to area). Or does your wife not know another mum or part time teacher who works opposite days and alternate looking after each other’s babies for one day a week if they repaid the favour? Not an iAds all solution but they maybe company for each other and it would save money.
Also does your employer not offer a childcare voucher scheme as most employers do this nowadays and this also helps save some money?
Like you my parents had offered to help out but then she changed her mind. We were paying more in childcare than I earned initially but after a few increments in the pay scale, pay rises and then suddenly free childcare places it was worth it longer term to keep a foot on the ladder.
I only worked part time but it really helped my sanity going back to work I missed my babies like mad and felt guilty but it was lovely to have adult company, drink a hot coffee in peace before it went stone cold, to be able to go to the loo on my own, to walk about standing up straight (rather than carrying one and bending down to hold his hand).
It does get easier.

No help here. Like pp, only on MN do most people have family. In RL few people I know do. After full maternity, I returned part time and put Ds1 in nursery. Then just as Ds1 finished nursery and started school I had Ds2. Hadn't planned on waiting so long, but had miscarriage anyway. So only ever had one nursery fees.
Continued to work part time and still do.
Worked out financially ok.

As a teacher surely your wife earns more per day than Nursery costs?
I pay for three days a week Nursery which costs £600/month. Surely a 3/5 teacher salary takes home much more than that?

It’s a couple of years of grim expense and then 30 free hours childcare will kick in. So grit your teeth and find ways to make it work.

Different ways people I know make it work- compressed hours/ alternate shifts/ working from home in the evenings (i do about half my hours this way

You say you are both teachers- solutions teacher friends have found: tutoring, exam marking, supply teaching (to top up, relatives helping as it is just ad hoc days so less of a commitment), evening teaching (night classes at a college), retraining as child minders.

It’s possible to make it work till 30’free hours kick in, you just have to get a bit creative in finding solutions.

We have to contact the payroll dept at the local education dept to set up childcare vouchers.

As a teacher, you already have 13 weeks a year off with your DC, and part time increases the time you have with them. It's a lot more time than most employees would get, while still earning as much.

I used to do 3 and a half days as it gave me half of the week in work and half of the week at home as well as the holidays. If you financially need the extra day, it could well be worth giving it a try.

We don't have family nearby, so have to pay for childcare. DH works full time but does compressed hours, so has one day off a fortnight, and I reduced my hours to four days a week. Obviously this type of flexible working may not be possible when you're a teaching (we are deliberately both in jobs with lower than average pay but are family-friendly and flexible).

We use childcare vouchers so save a small amount of money there. Childcare costs about half of my pay at the moment. Otherwise we live a frugal life (no car, no holidays, no expensive hobbies) and are counting down the paydays until DD is eligible for the 30 funded hours. We do have a safety net in that my mum was able to lend us money for replacing our boiler when it broke last year, but it has been stressful.

It really infuriates me that parents of young children assume they are entitled to free childcare from their parents because they are retired. If they are retired, then presumably they have already spent a goodly amount of years involved in childcare and work outside the home....time then, for them to do what they want, when they want to do it, once they have retired, and not be expected to be permanently on standby to enable the lifestyle choices of their adut children.

Both teachers here and DH was an NQT when we had DD and so on pretty low salary. Had DS 18 months later. Did have some help but because my 0.6 hours were split over the whole week had to use grandparents as well as childminder - worked every day at different times as well as had 2 weeks timetable. Had joint income of about £32k for about 5 years & it was REALLY hard! Running 2 cars and paying lots in petrol to get to schools a bit of a distance away.

• we found the childminder cheaper than other people were paying for nursery.
• childcare vouchers
• also are you paying term time only? We used to pay half in the school hols and never used the childminder as we were both off work.
• sold stuff on Ebay
• asked for useful things as Christmas/bday gifts like coats/boots/PJs so we didn't have to find the money for those
• had things like annual passes as Christmas gifts so we could have free days out for the rest of the year e.g. National Trust/zoo science museum
• never had any treats like takeaways/cafe visits (which some people consider just the norm)
• free days out like city farms, seaside, parks, visiting friends
• not going out in the evenings
• racked up huge Visa bill which then took 3 years to pay off!

It does get easier - honestly. Don't feel bad - you are going to both be off during school hols which is worth more than a high salary. Little kids need time not things. Also you will both be building up Okish pensions.

We worked around each other. Totally agree with all those saying just because you’re currently teaching doesn’t mean that’s all you can do. What about one of you being a childminder even from home then you still get paid for being home with kids. Media jobs are also often early mornings/evenings and weekends but rarely get mentioned as out of hours jobs. I also have a weekend and holiday job around my mon-fri at the moment as dh not working due to illness yet not qualifying for benefits. You do what you do to get by. We’ve done all sorts over the years there’s no one size fits all answer. Variety is the spice of life. My parents also worked around each other. Bank call centres are open around the clock so there’s really a variety of interesting and reasonably paid work. Contact agencies if you’re short of ideas. What about fostering if you have a spare room or rooms?

I think your wife doing tuition in the evenings or on Saturday would make sense. It adds up quite quickly. Or she could try a part-time nanny job where she's allowed to bring your DD along. If she did that for 2-3 days a week, then she'd earn quite a lot on top of her teaching salary and would have your daughter with her.

Unfortunately we are both teachers so we can't work extra shifts. Also I am the higher earner but both good suggestions!

I'd suggest one or both of you do home tutoring, this could fit in around the children if one tutors the other can look after your children.
Round here the going rate is at least £20-40 per hour depending on the level of teaching, one or two evenings/Sat mornings would bring in a decent extra income.

If she's a teacher she will be easily earning more than the nursery fees for one child (the sums get a lot tighter once you have two in childcare though).

Childcare vouchers help quite a bit, as so the free hours when they kick in. And of course once the child reaches school age most of your problems will disappear as unlike most employees you don't have to work during school holidays so all you'll need is a bit of breakfast club/ after school club.

As long as you can cope financially during the baby/pre-school years, it's worth it imho to keep up your skills / recent work experience so it's not hard to pick up your career again once your kids are at school. But obviously this is a personal decision.

Hi op, I think these ideas are excellent.

What I have seen on MN since I joined 4 years ago is the need for 11 plus tutors.

Are you by chance in a grammar school area?
If so I would be thinking of one of you becoming a tutor and I know that sounds naive of me, why not?!

They are in such high demand it's ridiculous. Some parents keep the names
of their tutors a secret from friends and other parents, you only have to read the education boards here.

Lastly, please don't feel guilty about not earning enough, you are clearly doing your best good luck to you and dw.