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Paid childcare

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Stepdaughters mother demanding we provide all her childcare

27 replies

meme70 · 14/02/2018 10:57

Back story
Stepdaughter 11 lives with her mother
She spends 3 nights with us
The days and times have been now set this time 18 months around her mothers original employment - mother has had 10 jobs in 4 years so is always changing days and times.

My husband works from home as do I and has to do work out side the home on the days he doesn’t have his daughter

This mother receives all the child tax credit and child benefits

My husband pays child support and provides all his daughters clothing shoes school uniform trips hobbies etc

Mother got another new job and demanded again my husband looks after they’re daunted basically all week 8am to 7.30 pm ‘Monday to Tuesday
Same Wednesday to Thursday
8am Friday to 11 am Saturday
All this mother works is 10-2 4 of those days but she knows she doesn’t stay in jobs and is trying to cover all potential working hours as she refuses to pay childcare

We can’t afford to pay her childcare
We can’t have they’re daughter on the days already agreed we have had so many demands from this women if we didn’t do as she said she’d not let my husband see his daughter

So my husband said no more the days and times stay as they are and you also need to be providing clothing especially for your house.

So mother has taken him to court to get it set we have they’re daughter all week all she will be having her daughter is 7.30 pm Tuesday to 7.30 am Wednesday and 7.30 pm to 7.30 am Thursday
Weekends she will be at her mums from 11 am Saturday to school Monday

This is what her mother wants that we provide all her child care when she’s working and extra
As she’s only working 16 hours a week we don’t feel she is being fair

Last year we stepped in and had the child all the time as her mother had issues she seems to have had them sorted but she refuses to provided any basic needed things for her daughter and now she’s demanding we provide and pay for all childcare in holidays is very stressful

Does anyone know what courts tend to decide

The child wants the days and times to stay as they are as yhatsvall she’s used to

Her mother has now handed over chikdtax credits to the child and said to her ( she’s 111 ) you have to buy all your clothes and needs from the £80 a month I’ve given you
For 5 Years I’ve brought gone and got all my stepdaughters clothing shoes uniform etc I did what her mother refused to do,
This is causing so much stress I couldn’t even go to court today to support my husband as my IBS D has left me running to the toilet all morning.

We have no issues having her here what we don’t lie is the child sees her mother try control her dad and it’s making the child feel her mum doesn’t care about here.
The child has said why does Mum think you have to do everything for me it’s her job to do her share and it feels like she doesn’t care about me.

Husbands waiting to go into court cafcass are 45 minutes late

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 14/02/2018 12:16

You sound frustrated and mightily pissed off. Understandable but it isn't helping and is causing you to use language such as "why should we ......?"

Well that's easy to answer - he's her father.

What it sounds like you have is a Mum who is still resentful the father of her child has a different life and is not with her.

What needs to happen is to stop arguing "why should we" and start offering solutions that are reasonable and get the Mum to agree to one.

For example, saying to the judge you don't believe its in dd best interests to come home from school, unwind and then have to transfer houses just to sleep so suggest she lives M-F with her father to counteract this. Then suggest she does weekends with Mum and ask Mum what time would suit. Etc.
Sometimes putting the call into the other persons court helps you. Sometimes it's best not to fight for what's fair but let the other person to show they're unreasonable and their intentions aren't what they state they are.
Also ask the judge to put in writing what financial input should come from each parent.

But please don't keep asking why should you both do all that. That's already answered - because there's an 11yo who deserves to feel loved and not a burden being passed from pillar to post

JustCatMumAtTheMo · 14/02/2018 12:44

How can the child's mother be so cruel!

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