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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

How would I know if my 4 month old is happy at the CMs????

43 replies

Runninglate · 30/04/2007 09:09

I know this sounds completely daft but my DD goes to a CM for 3 mornings a week and I have absolutely no idea if she's happy there or not. The CM is rarely dressed and 'together' when I drop her off and I always wonder if I've just woken her up. I guess my worst fear is that my DD is mainly ignored while she's there. She's usually asleep when I collect her and all her milk is gone, which I take to be a good sign. She doesn't cry when I drop her off.....do I assume all is good??

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JARM · 30/04/2007 09:10

I would be more concerned with the fact the childminder wasnt dressed tbh - not very proffessional.

JARM · 30/04/2007 09:11

Meant to add because she sounds like she is cared for - does the CM tell you what they have done all morning?

SSShakeTheChi · 30/04/2007 09:11

what made you choose this CM? Have you been there with her for a day or so, was she recommended to you or have you seen her interacting with dc?

fortyplus · 30/04/2007 09:14

You can't assume anything. I wouldn't worry about whether the cm is dressed - after all, she knows she can't go anywhere until you've dropped off dd.

I would only judge her by her own children. Are they bright, chatty, confident and happy? If so then your dd will probably be happy there once she's old enough to care about more than sleep, milk and a clean nappy.

Original poster

Runninglate · 30/04/2007 09:15

It's a team of 2 CMs working from the same house , looking after up to 6 between them. The kids all seemed really happy and constantly going to them for cuddles etc and I liked the bustly environment. I also thought having the two CMs working together was good and would ensure a higher level of care and interest as one could take over if the other just needed 5 minutes to themselves etc etc etc. Ofsted report was 'good'.

I don't know why but I felt a bit spooked this morning when she was the only child there and I just left her in her buggy in the sitting room and hoped she was ok!

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Original poster

Runninglate · 30/04/2007 09:17

I'm also a first time mum and this is the start of week 3!

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Eleusis · 30/04/2007 09:22

I think these are normal parental concerns. Of course you worry if the care is good enough for your precious child. This is perfectly normal. But, from what you have typed so far, I think the childminder sounds like she is doing a fine job.

You might ask her if she could fill in a daily or weekly sheet just to keep you informed on things like what she eats, how much, and develmental milestones she has witnessed, etc. But, if you ask this, make sure youpresent it as something you need because you feel you are missing out and want to be informed and NOT because you don't trust the childminder. This can be a very fine line to walk. I once asked a nany to do this and she was hugely offended and told me to do it myself. I was not impressed. But, nonetheless, I think the nanny felt I was checking up on her. And I have learned to make the "nanny diary" requirements clear at the interview stage.

fortyplus · 30/04/2007 09:25

A 'good' OFSTED report is a pretty high accolade. You're just being a paranoid first time mum - like 99% of us were when ours were that age

Eleusis · 30/04/2007 09:31

Oh and I do agree, that the behaviour of older children is a fantastic indicator of the quality of care. If the older kids are happy and well cared for, then your baby will be too.

Another thing you might do is drop a disposable camera in her bag and ask the childminder if she could take some pics now and then so you can build up a scrap book of her early years.

PinkChick · 30/04/2007 14:34

i do daily diary/photos and spend ten mins at pick up time talking about childs day.we tend to 'hang around' not doing much until mum/dad has gone as we cant really get into anything while the parent is there.. but i make sure they know what we have done//i also text the parent regulary if i get chance!..there needs to be more communication between you both.

lunavix · 30/04/2007 16:37

She sounds good but

a) wouldn't be happy she's not ready in the morning - you wouldn't turn up to work in your pjs

b) you leave her in the buggy?? you should literally be handing her over, not just leaving her!

PinkChick · 30/04/2007 16:48

yeah, my paretns all get their dc's out of buggy, car seat etc and we play for few mins with parents there as long as we are not heading out.

re her not being ready, what time do you arrive?..i have mindees coming from 6.30 and although i am ready myself, i still have my dd to get dressed etc, gos without saying i cant wake whole house just cos mindee is on early..if you are dropping off really early, half dressed(decent) wouldnt be a problem with me.if its 8.30, id tell her to get her act together if its constant!

Original poster

Runninglate · 02/05/2007 12:16

Thanks everyone. I love the idea about the digital camera! We always do a quick what she's been up to in the day. It's always things like which toys she's enjoyed, when she slept and who she smiled at. She's still so young. This morning I dropped her off and aksed that if she's not sleeping, could she be held in sitting / standing or laid on her right side (to help her flat head). One of the CMs said ' oh we always have her propped up' and pointed to the buggy. I said that i wanted her out of her buggy so that she's holding her head properly. One of the children then wheeled her to one foot in front of the TV and went to turn it on, so I just leaped in and said 'ooh I don't think she needs to watch TV just at the moment'. It was all so automatic and I now have visions of her being infront of it for 5 hours 3 times a week in various states of recline! I do agree that amusing a baby that can't sit up by itself is a difficult biz, particularly when you have others to look after too.

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lunavix · 02/05/2007 12:23

hmm I wonder if she does put her infront the TV?

For me, this all sounds like warning bells but I could be off track completely.

princesscc · 02/05/2007 12:28

I have a contact book, like they use at school for my mindees. Parents make notes in it and I make any special notes about what we've done during the day. Its too busy at hometime to spend too much time with each parent, but if they have any concerns, they usually ring me once they are home. Why don't you ring her during the morning? All my mums are free to call me anytime during the day.

charmedhay · 02/05/2007 18:16

Hi i also have a contact book and write all boring things food,drink,nappies and contents etc but also what we done outings ,crafts etc general mood etc
Its a nice keep sake for mums, also as you have only been with her for 3 weeks surely she should be making a huge effort to be ready etc!!Basically go with your gut instinct,couldn't you turn up early???

Original poster

Runninglate · 02/05/2007 19:07

I am absolutely certain that they are too honest for their own good. I picked her up today and asked if she'd been out of her buggy much and they said she had on arrival and then had slept from 9:45 to 12:15 (15 mins before I picked her up). I could tell that she had not long woken up. All the other CMs I saw round here I found rather bland and DD would have possibly been doing exactly the same thing except without 5 other kids running around. I might look at a local nursery that takes them from 6 months. I think it may be my control freak in me and as I literally can't watch over them, I am thinking of the worst! I have turned up early on a couple of occasions and haven't seen anything that upset me. Oh I don't know - I'm a terrible worrier!

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MrsWeasley · 02/05/2007 19:28

Sit and talk to your CM.
I wouldnt dream of not being dressed when my mindees arrive but am usually in the middle of making breakfast etc.

perhaps one of the inflatable rings that LO's can sit in might be a good idea. Not sure if they are suitbale for under 6 months as really Lo's like yours need constant supervision in them as they wobble forward.

I know of several local nurseries who have LO's either in a bouncy chair(for playing, eating,napping) or in a cot (for sleeping) or a buggy (for walks or if carers need to move around) so that may not resolve anything for you.

Shoshable · 02/05/2007 19:32

I'm a CM and I would not under any circumstances put a baby to sleep in a buggy, different if they were out and she had fallen asleep, but not put down in one, in fact my last inspector asked if I did as it is not good for them.

And the fact that she was not dressed and you had to leave the baby in buggy on drop off is awful, babies are handed actually to me in this house and yes I start at 7.00 and yes I am always dressed.

We do lots with babies, today we went swimming taking a 4 year old (tomorrow as we have been reminded all day ) and a 14 month old who doesn't walk, but is so confidant in the water cos we have been going every week since she was tiny, four year old can swim she has been going every week since she came to me at 13 months,

Yes 4 month old is young, but I use door bouncers, a leap frog playstation, and a baby ring for that age group.

At the moment have only got the two little ones and 2 after schools as two left this week, but two new ones are starting in July, one only 7 months, interaction goes on all day with them.

Original poster

Runninglate · 04/05/2007 22:06

Sorry for tardy reply . You all sound great and have now got the fear up me! Shoshable, I can't believe you take them swimming. How fantastic is that?!?! This will get you going - I arrived today to collect my DD at 2pm and the daughter CM (of the mum and daughter pair) was still in her PJs and announced that she was having a pamper day today - that she'd just had her toes done and her hairdresser had just arrived to cut her hair. I'm under the impression that it's the mum who looks after my DD while the daughter fannies about. Again they said that DD didn't seem herself and had been very grizzly and they thought it was her teething but she was sparky all afternoon and grinning away without a care in the world. It's hard to know what to talk about as they will just say what they want me to hear. A friend and my DH has met them and both felt comfortable with them and all the other kids genuinely seem happy. I'm hoping it's just me being twitchy.

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AskABusyPerson · 04/05/2007 23:36

I've just started looking after a 4 month old, and I have to admit I had a momentary 'gosh what am I going to do with him' moment before I thought back to my own dd being 4 months (though through a haze of breastfeeding-induced tiredness) and now sing, read/look at books, chat, take him on walks, go to visit shops/library/friends/other childminder friends etc. Personally I rarely have tv on and would not at all for such a young one. Admittedly 4 months old babies can't usually do much themselves (my mindee is just learning to roll over from back to front!) but they love the interaction with others and seeing different places...my 4.5 year old dd also sings and chats to him and he loves it!
As shoshable said, it's interaction all day. Even though he's only with me for 5 weeks (family are waiting to move house) I'm doing daily diary of play/sleep/milk/outings and things he seemed to like playing with (rattly tigger toy fave so far!) and always chat to collecting parent about what he's been doing and where we've been so they are reassured that he's been, well, cared for.

I don't know any mum-daughter cm's myself but would expect them both to be professional at all times, if one's having a day off then she should be out of the way!!

Maybe your dd was a bit grizzly cos she was bored? You are the mummy, go with your gut feeling as it must be awful to worry about her?

Where are you based?!

nappyaddict · 04/05/2007 23:58

i wouldn't expect the other one to be out of the way on her day off if she lives there. ds was going to go to a cm a few months ago. she had 2 daughters of 19 and 21. they weren't cm's but they were often there in the daytime. i wouldn't expect them not to be there!

AskABusyPerson · 05/05/2007 00:09

Sorry, not necessarily out of the way but perhaps not so obvious if she's a cm too?? I guess some treat their profession more casually than me! No offence meant!

maximummummy · 05/05/2007 00:34

running late - if you have niggling doubts perhaps you should trust your gut feelings and start looking for alternative care for your dd
i'm a childminder myself and i would never dream of not being dressed when mindees arrive it's very unprofessional imo
you said you are a control freak perhaps you are in fact feeling guilty about leaving your 4 month old to return to work unfortunately if you need to work SOMEONE ELSE will have to care for your dd , i know its hard to let go and equally hard to believe that someonelse can do as good a job as you but there are tons of wonderful c/minders out there you cant always get it right first time

Tan1959 · 05/05/2007 02:39

I haven't read all through replies..

It's not daft wondering if your dd is happy at the childminders! perfectly normal.

IMO not being ready in the morning is an absolute 'no no' ! As long as you are dropping your DD off at the contracted time, there is no excuse not to be ready - if she were working in an office, would she be there in the same state? I think not..

Does your childminder have a diary system for her minded children? and does she take photos of the children doing activities or playing?

I am a childminder and have a four month old mindee, mum and dad always say their baby has been so much happier since coming to me (as opposed to nursery) - little mindee is always smiling and gurgling when parents arrive and seems content.

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