New dad needs advise re shared custody

[Tobyjuggler]

Hi my new baby is due at the beginning of January and as I only work 3 days a week I would ideally want equal shared care, how would I go about arranging/applying for this? Also is it correct that maintenance payments wouldn’t be required? I’ve copied a paragraph below from cms and just seek guidance on it also has anybody done this and how do you go about proof so I can spend the money on my child in my care rather than cms??
Thanks so much

If the paying parent can prove that they carry out an equal amount of day-to-day care as well as having equal shared care then the Child Maintenance Service regards neither parent to be the paying parent so their child maintenance would be set as nil even if one parent receives Child Benefit or tax credits as the child’s parent. Where there is equal day to day care, and there is no paying parent means that there cannot be a statutory case and the Child maintenance Service would not being able to process the application as there is no identifiable paying parent.

You wouldn't be able to get shared care of a newborn baby.

I think you would be extremely I'll advised to try and get equal shared care at this stage. It would be very cruel to try and separate a baby and mother at this early stage or for a long while yet and breast feeding would make it impossible.

Provide financial support and visit in a way that will be least distressing to mother and baby.

What do you actually want? Shared care? Or not to pay maintenance?

In fact, scratch that. Forget what you want, think looooong and hard about what will be best for a tiny newborn baby. (Clue: Shared care is not the right answer)

Unless there is something wrong with the mother you won't get shared custody of a newborn. Start paying maintenance and work with the mother in the child's best interest. Trying to take the baby away because you don't want to pay is the worst thing you could do. Take a parenting class.

I can see that you have read up about it and logically it seems the way to go, but it really doesn't apply to a newborn baby.

Visiting for an hour or two, on a regular basis, is probably the starting point.

Please think about what is best for a newborn baby.

It’s not shared care.

One of the realities of being a parent is that you need to put the needs of the child first. You are putting yours first, if you can see that, it is not in the best interest of a young baby to be away from the mother, it would be hugely distressful for both mother and baby and might reduce your contact opportunities for the future (if you really care for the child and not for your wallet, if you are thinking of shared care to avoid paying the required 15% pro rata of your net salary you are up for a surprise).

It’s great you want to take such an active role in your child’s life. Have you spent much time with kids before?

Realistically though, regular overnight visits before approx age 2 aren’t going to be in the child’s best interests. Small children do best in familiar places.

If you only work 3 days a week that will be great when the baby’s mum goes back to work, as only 3 week days of childcare to cover. With a 50/50 split you’d therefore be responsible for the cost of a half day.

That is for the future though. Once your child is born, work out how you can best help the mother. Giving her a break for a few hours 4 days a week should be much appreciated. That can involve taking the baby out for a walk, to see your family, but could also be practical care for the baby, so offering to do a supermarket shop, taking the initiative on necessary clothes shopping, doing some washing, giving the mum space to go out and have a break or just sleep. Ask her what she needs from you and listen. The best thing for your child we be if you can have a highly functional coparenting relationship. Proper shared care is a few years down the line.

It's great that you want to be involved in your child's life. To be honest, the best way forward (if at all possible) is to talk to the baby's mother about how you can best help her in the early days. If she is breastfeeding the baby will need to be with her anyway, and inevitably any contact will involve her. You are going to be involved with her one way or another for a very long time, so establishing a good relationship now is vital. If you can work together in the interests of the baby then everything else will be much easier. So often a calm discussion early on can avert a massive drama later.

Thinking about the baby living with you for even part of the time is premature, the main thing now is making sure everything is ready for the birth. If you are supportive and helpful now, it will stand you in good stead for the years to come. Does the mother have everything she needs? Will you be there for the birth? If so, have you thought about how to best support her?

For a while, at least, you will need to pay to support your child . That may grate if you and your ex are not on good terms, but that's tough. Maybe the situation will change later on, but I don't think you should count on it, certainly not for the first year or so.

Most of all, try not to make it all about you, what you want and how much or little you pay. I know it's tempting, but so much of good parenting is about putting aside your own feelings and doing what is best for the child.

Also, 15% is a minimum recommended amount. I’d guess that most single mothers spend more like 80% of their money on their child one way or another unless they are very wealthy. Please don’t go into parenthood hoping to pay as little as you can get away with. That way being a shit dad lies.

Reported

The fact that you have made what the cms say your priority says it all. Made your new baby your priority. Support its mother financially, emotionally and physically. Step up and be a father who puts the babies needs first. To separate the baby from its mum from birth as it seems you are is cruel.

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Re I am the OP and feel I should clarify the situation ( had set it out in previous topic but forgot to mention that here sorry)

go on then......

You are the OP? How do you mean? Or do you mean this is a reverse?

?

Does mum still have a whole range of animals and a daughter smoking lots of weed in the house?

Doesn't have much of an attention span, does he?

I read your previous thread and it's obvious you think you occupy the moral high ground, as it's clear you have very little respect for her.
You knowlingly procreated with a woman you look down on, you do not have any moral superiority.
Has she cut contact since she found out how you feel about her and children? If so, i don't blame her.
If you're serious about being involved move closer to your unborn child and support the woman about to give birth.

Above post spot on