this is long, sorry. just want some opinions really. i have 12-month old twins who have bad separation anxiety and are very shy around new people. i am going back to work and have had trouble finding a childminder who has space for twins. i was feeling desperate but at the last minute i found someone who had just started as a childminder (she used to do after school care) and she had lots of availability. she seemed lovely so we decided to use her and started settling in.
i knew that my twins would not settle easily as they cry when i leave the room even at home. i feel like i have some experience of settling them in as they hadn't really spent time with my parents until a few months ago and were initially wary of them, but we gradually worked on making them feel comfortable and now they are fine. the person they settled best with was my sweet 90-year-old grandmother who basically ignored them until they approached her, and then followed their cues re interacting.
anyway at the weekend the childminder texted me to say that 'it isn't going to work out' as they are not settling with her. they have been with her for 4 one-hour sessions. i feel terrible about this but i also feel like we are asking a lot of them. i also question her 'settling in' methods a bit. she asked me on the first day we came to bring their buggy as she wanted to take them for a walk. i assumed she would walk them around a bit then take them back to her house for a play but she ended up walking them all they way bcak to our house, so they were in the buggy for the whole hour. the next visit she texted me asking if they had shoes as she wanted to take them to the park, i replied saying that they don't as they aren't walking yet, and she replied asking if i minded them crawling around the park? i said i didn't mind in theory but i thought that in practice it would be a nightmare because they tend to crawl off in different directions and still put everything in their mouth. so i dropped them off to her at the park and of course they screamed when i left and apparently kept screaming for the next hour.
i called her to talk about it and she said that she doesn't want to have them any more as their distress is distressing to her. i just feel bad about it all, firstly for them being upset, then for the fact that they'll now have to go through being upset all over agian with someone new (because i have to find someone). i also feel like i haven't really been listened to re settling in as i discussed with her what i thought would help them to settle and that wasn't done. i feel like the first step is to get them comfortable with her, and with being alone with her in the house, rather than walking them around all the time. i told her after the first two sessions that they don't particularly like being in the buggy but she said 'they won;t just be sitting there, i'll be singing to them and talking to them'. i also didn't realise that she doesn't have anywhere at her house for them to sleep, or any high chairs. when i questioned this she said she'll walk them around in the buggy for their naps. anyway to cut a long story short i don't know if i should ask her if we can persevere with settling them (she does seem lovely and caring) or if all this just seems a bit off.