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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

I'm not enjoying childminding

23 replies

Dizzywhore · 31/10/2017 22:04

I'v been up and running about 18 months. I thought at first I was just going to take some time to adjust to it, I'd not worked for 5 years since my my DC. I'v always worked with children but never childminded before.
Well fast forward to now and I'm just not really enjoying it. There are elements of it I enjoy and of course before there for my children but mostly I just don't like it!
I feel sad, I want to enjoy it. I'v cut back days but that's only helped a bit. I'm exhausted, DH works long hours so I do everything for our DC, the youngest is 3 and a handful to say the least! I do all the housework, cooking etc. I hate the house being a mess so that doesn't help. I don't know what to do. I'm pretty fed up!

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Original poster

Dizzywhore · 31/10/2017 22:05

Being there for my children!

OP posts:

AuntLydia · 31/10/2017 22:05

Which bits don't you like? Perhaps we could help you work out a way to sort them out before you think of packing it in altogether.

MrsA2015 · 31/10/2017 22:06

Sounds more like you need help at home from your dp instead of you actually not liking your job. Perhaps try and iron out a few issues indoors within homelife then reasses? Hope you get through this

BetterEatCheese · 31/10/2017 22:08

I didn't like it either. It was great for allowing me to stay at home with dd and I adored the children, but not the job, the relentless nature of it, the intrusion in my home. It's not for everyone

Starlight2345 · 31/10/2017 22:10

I would also echo what don’t you enjoy . I find getting out to groups or other childminders helps .

Original poster

Dizzywhore · 31/10/2017 22:15

Yeah that's how I feel bettereat! Love the kids but feel a bit resentful of them being here if that makes sense. When my DC aren't here (school and pre school) I really hate it then. I think about things I could be doing. Which is awful! I always give the kids a lovely time. We do lots of fun stuff but sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the motions. Even with my 2 when I'v had a long day, I feel like a shit mum a lot of the time at the moment.
Paper work gets my down as I end up doing it at weekend cos I'm so tired in the week.

OP posts:

Original poster

Dizzywhore · 31/10/2017 22:18

Yes going out helps, a lot. Meeting up with other child minders is great. It's the other 8 hours of my working day i don't enjoy!

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BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried · 31/10/2017 22:18

What about just having afterschoolers? That way the mornings are your own to do as you please and the ones you willmbe looking after will be that bit older so better at not mess making and your own DC will be there too when they are. Also it means only a short period of actually minding.

AuntLydia · 31/10/2017 22:19

Ah OK. I think you need a career change pretty quickly then. Sorry. If you resent them even being there then there's no real solution to that...and I'd be worried that no matter how hard you try they'll pick up on it.

Original poster

Dizzywhore · 31/10/2017 22:26

They won't pick up on it. I love the kids. Like I said I work really hard giving them a happy, busy day that I sometimes (always) don't have the energy to enjoy my own DC.
Please don't try and make me feel bad.

Yes I thought about just having after schoolers. I'd feel awful giving notice on the little ones!

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Hassled · 31/10/2017 22:30

I had a fairly brief stint about 10 years ago and hated it too. I thought well, I've had 4 kids, how hard can it be? Bloody hard, it turns out. I just couldn't enjoy it - and yes, I was vaguely resentful of the endless demands which is just not how a childminder should be. It obviously really suits some people but just not others - is there a Plan B?

Original poster

Dizzywhore · 31/10/2017 22:32

No plan B not a clue! Ds still at pre school and no one to help with childcare so can't really do anything until September next year. Then I don't know after that.

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BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried · 31/10/2017 22:35

I'd feel awful giving notice on the little ones!

This is one of those times where you have to put yourself first because the consequences of not doing so will have negative impact on those same little ones you feel bad about giving notice on. Listen, parents know nothing is permanent. I’ve used 3 childminders and as long as you follow correct notice then you’re doing nothing wrong, there shouldn’t be any hard feelings. Just tell the parents youre finding the smaller ones tough going and you’re going to burn out if you continue.

Appuskidu · 31/10/2017 22:36

What were your previous jobs-you said you'd always worked with children?

AuntLydia · 31/10/2017 22:37

I'm not trying to make you feel bad. There are plenty of other caring type jobs I couldn't do - that doesn't make me a bad person any more than this makes you a bad person. You can't continue on like this - for your sake and the kids sake. You're managing to fake it now but nobody can fake it forever. You're a parent - wouldn't you rather somebody gave notice if they felt like you do when looking after your kids? Don't feel guilty about it. Try after school and see if that age group works for you.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 31/10/2017 22:41

Honestly it sounds like you are not best suited to being a childminder. I couldn't do it either, but if you are unhappy and bored by looking after children then you should stop, because they will pick up on it.

Viviennemary · 31/10/2017 22:42

Some people love child miniding and it really suits them. But it's not for everybody. I'm sure I'd hate it. If you hate it then it's not fair on the children you mind or youself. I'd look to doing something else. Or what about just doing before and after school with older children for the time being.

Original poster

Dizzywhore · 31/10/2017 22:45

Yeah i think your right. God it's so hard!
I was a nursery nurse then a nanny before having my own. Could possibly look for something in a day nursery once DS is at school. Or maybe a midday accident job.

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AuntLydia · 31/10/2017 22:52

If you know other childminders in the area would it be worth putting out feelers to see if anyone wants to work in partnership with you but from their home? It sounds like that might be a better fit?

jannier · 01/11/2017 07:58

Its not for everyone and if you hate it you need to change.
I would consider asking your OH for help, yes he works but so do you and the children are half his as is the home.
Paperwork does not have to take up big chunks of time I've had 2 outstanding's and spend no weekends on it and probably about 40 mins over the day and 2 hours or so every 6 weeks in the evening. So if its household stuff and paperwork there is a way out of that. Id have a real think will you have less mess without it or would your children's mess be the same? I don't have any posters or art work up and after they leave no toys in sight. my family are all adults now no way do I want it,
People think it would be lovely staying home with your Lo but its very hard work and your family do suffer if its not for you don't feel guilty as you need your heart in the job to do it well.

Starlight2345 · 01/11/2017 11:49

I was at one point working 5 days a week long hours . I did get fed up of my dc never coming first one thing I did was make sue I didn’t do 5 days a week and also had an earlier finish . Now my Ds is older it’s not so bad but didn’t get any time with just him when he was small

Maryann1975 · 09/11/2017 13:48

I was taking to another minder about this earlier in the week. We both agreed we enjoy childminding far more now than when our own dc were at home all day with us. I can’t pinpoint what the difference is and nor could she, but it is different now. Maybe it’s because my own children are a bit older so they aren’t as demanding on my time as they were when they were younger and around me all the time (as much as I loved that they were with me, it’s exhausting). Do you think you would be any happier if you were going out to work? I wouldn’t have been, it would have been a disaster so for me, I just had to get through it.

I currently have one school hours day off, which helps me catch up on house stuff. Dh also has to help out with stuff at home, just becasue I’m at home doesnt mean I do all the housework (it took him a while to get his head round that).
When they were younger, I also kept my numbers lower. It meant we weren’t as well off, but meant my days were easier with my dc and I wasn’t as exhausted by bedtime. Now they are all at school I am at capacity every day, before and after school and during the day.

LittleDolphins · 16/11/2017 12:26

Have you thought of employing a friend as assistant? That could really really help you cheer up I couldn’t even imagine Childminding on my own. Maybe you should give it a shot. Ive worked as a childminder assistant for 6 years with my sister and it was amazing I then got married and move to another borough which I could no longer work with her as she was all the way in east London whilst i was at the near end of West London. I am planning of opening up my own childminding at home in March 2018 and wouldn’t do it on my own will definitely be employing someone to work with me.

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